Spotting a fake person isn’t always easy, at least not at first sight. But according to Stoicism, there are some undeniable signs that give them away.
The difference lies in the subtleties. A fake person is one who pretends to be other than they truly are, often with an ulterior motive in mind.
On the other hand, being genuine means embracing and showing your true self, despite what others may think.
Stoicism, an ancient school of philosophy, provides us with some valuable insights on this topic. It defines certain clear signs that can help us identify a phony.
Here are 10 classic signs someone is a fake person, according to Stoic wisdom.
1) Inconsistency in their words and actions
It’s not always easy to spot a fake person, but Stoicism offers us one clear indicator; inconsistency.
Inconsistency is when someone’s words don’t match their actions. A genuine person will always strive to align their words with their deeds, reflecting their true self and intentions.
On the other hand, a fake person often says one thing and does another. This is because they are trying to project a false image or hide their true motives.
So, the first classic sign of a fake person, according to Stoicism, is inconsistency in words and actions. Always observe if what people say aligns with what they do. It could save you from falling into the trap of a phony.
Remember, though, everyone can have occasional inconsistencies due to human error or changing circumstances. It’s the pattern of consistent inconsistency that you should be wary of.
2) Lack of empathy
Stoicism teaches us the importance of empathy in understanding others. A genuine person will always show empathy towards others, making an effort to understand their feelings and perspectives.
However, a fake person often lacks this quality. They might pretend to care, but their actions don’t match their words.
I remember a time when I was going through a tough phase in my life. I opened up about my struggles to a friend, or so I thought. While they listened and nodded, their subsequent actions showed a complete lack of understanding or empathy.
They would often dismiss my feelings or make light of my problems. It was a clear sign that they were not genuinely concerned about my well-being.
This experience taught me a valuable lesson: always watch out for signs of empathy, or the lack of it. It’s a classic indicator of whether someone is genuine or fake.
3) Excessive flattery
According to Stoicism, excessive flattery is often a sign of a fake person. While genuine compliments can enhance relationships, flattery that is excessive or insincere can be a red flag.
Fake people often use flattery as a tool to win others over. It’s a way of hiding their true intentions by making others feel good about themselves.
Interestingly, studies have shown that we are more likely to trust people who compliment us, even if the praise seems unearned or exaggerated. This is why excessive flattery is such an effective strategy for fake people.
So be wary of those who always seem to have a compliment at the ready. It could be a sign that they are not as genuine as they appear.
4) They are quick to judge others
Stoicism teaches us the importance of understanding before judging. However, a fake person is often quick to judge others without fully understanding their circumstances.
They are quick to form opinions and make judgments about people, often focusing on the negative aspects. This is because they are more interested in projecting their own image than in understanding others.
It’s important to remember that everyone has their own story and battles. Quick judgments without understanding the full picture can be a classic sign of a fake person.
Watch out for those who are quick to judge. It could reveal more about them than the person they are judging.
5) They’re only around in good times
One of the defining characteristics of a genuine person, according to Stoicism, is their presence in both the good and bad times. They are there to share in your joy, but also to lend a shoulder when things get tough.
A fake person, on the other hand, tends to be around only when things are going well. They revel in your successes and good times but are conspicuously absent during challenges or setbacks.
Their presence is often conditional, depending on what they can gain from you. If the tide turns and you’re no longer beneficial to them, they may disappear.
Take note of those who stick around through thick and thin. Their ability to be there in all seasons is a sign of a true friend.
6) They struggle with genuine apologies
Apologies are a crucial part of human interaction, a pathway to healing and reconciliation. Stoicism emphasizes the importance of acknowledging one’s mistakes and seeking forgiveness.
However, a fake person often struggles with genuine apologies. They may dodge responsibility, make excuses, or even shift the blame onto others. An apology, if it comes at all, is often hollow and devoid of sincerity.
A heartfelt apology requires humility and vulnerability, traits that a fake person is often uncomfortable with. They prefer to protect their image rather than admit their shortcomings.
Remember that everyone makes mistakes. It’s how we handle them that reveals our true character. A person who struggles with genuine apologies may be showing you a sign of their inauthenticity.
7) They seldom show their true emotions
Stoicism teaches us the value of emotional honesty. A genuine person is not afraid to show their true emotions, even if they are not always comfortable or positive.
On the other hand, a fake person often masks their true feelings. They present a constant facade of positivity and contentment, even when they’re feeling otherwise.
I remember a time when I used to hide my feelings, believing that showing vulnerability was a sign of weakness. But with time, I’ve learned that showing your authentic emotions is a sign of courage and honesty.
8) They’re excessively agreeable
Stoicism values authenticity, and part of being genuine is having your own opinions and beliefs.
Interestingly, a fake person often appears excessively agreeable. They consistently lean towards popular opinion, rarely expressing their own views or taking a stand.
While it may seem like they’re just harmonious individuals, this could be a strategy to avoid conflict or gain approval. It’s not about seeking truth or understanding, but about managing their image.
A healthy debate can lead to growth and understanding. So, if someone never disagrees or challenges anything, it might be time to question their authenticity.
9) They frequently drop names
Stoicism teaches us to value individuals for their character and virtues, not for their connections or status.
A classic sign of a fake person, however, is frequent name-dropping. They often refer to influential people they know or have met, in an attempt to elevate their own status by association.
This behavior is usually a way to impress others and create a sense of importance. However, it can also be a cover for their own insecurities or lack of self-worth.
Rather than being impressed by such behavior, Stoicism encourages us to see through the facade and appreciate people for their true character and actions.
10) They lack self-awareness
Stoicism places a high value on self-awareness, the ability to recognize and understand your own character, feelings, motives, and desires.
However, a fake person often lacks this crucial trait. They are unaware of their own flaws and weaknesses, and are often quick to point out those in others.
Without self-awareness, it’s difficult for them to grow or change. They remain stuck in their ways, often oblivious to the impact of their behavior on others.
This lack of self-awareness is not just a sign of a fake person. It’s also a barrier to authentic living. So, remember to value and cultivate self-awareness, both in yourself and in those around you.
Final thoughts: The path to authenticity
The road to identifying a fake person is paved with understanding and discernment, underpinned by the wisdom of Stoicism.
Being aware of these signs is more than just a tool for spotting inauthentic individuals. It’s a mirror that we can hold up to ourselves, a way to check our own behavior and strive towards authenticity.
Stoicism teaches us that “We are what we repeatedly do”, and authenticity, like all virtues, is a habit that we develop over time.
In the end, the most important thing is not to judge but to understand, to seek authenticity in ourselves and encourage it in others. As we navigate our relationships and encounters, let’s remember the words of the Stoic philosopher Epictetus: “Know, first, who you are; and then adorn yourself accordingly.”
It’s an invitation for us all to embrace our true selves, flaws and all, and to seek authenticity in our interactions with others. Because the moment we start being true to ourselves is when we truly start living.
What would Marcus Aurelius say?
Unsure what to do next in your career? Struggling to move on from a failed relationship? Searching for more meaning in life?
Marcus Aurelius can tell you how to face your challenges in a more Stoic way.
Simply ask your question, and Marcus Aurelius will answer.
