Stoicism, an ancient philosophy, teaches us a lot about serenity and wisdom. Part of that wisdom is knowing when to hold our tongues.
There’s a time to speak out and a time to stay silent. And often, staying silent can mean the difference between peace and chaos.
As a student of Stoicism, I’ve discovered that there are certain things better kept to oneself. This doesn’t mean suppressing emotions or dodging tough conversations, but rather, recognizing when silence is the more powerful option.
In this article, I’ll share my list of “10 things you should always keep to yourself, according to Stoicism”. These are nuggets of wisdom that can help us navigate life with a little more grace and a lot less drama.
1) Personal ambitions and goals
Stoicism teaches us the value of being self-contained and self-sufficient. This doesn’t mean we should never share our dreams or ambitions, but it’s often better to keep them to ourselves.
Why is this? Well, sharing your goals can sometimes lead to outside influence and unnecessary pressure. It can also invite critique and negativity from those who may not understand or support your vision.
By keeping your ambitions and goals personal, you allow yourself the freedom to evolve and change without judgement. You’re also less likely to be swayed by others’ opinions, ensuring you stay true to your own path.
Remember, it’s your journey, and sometimes the best way to stay on track is to keep your destination close to your chest. This doesn’t mean you should never seek advice or support, but rather, be selective about who you share your deepest aspirations with.
2) Personal struggles and challenges
We all face challenges. It’s a part of life. However, Stoicism teaches us that how we react to these struggles is more important than the struggles themselves.
From a personal perspective, I’ve found that keeping my struggles to myself has often been more beneficial than sharing them. Once I was dealing with a particularly tough project at work. I was feeling overwhelmed and considered sharing my struggle with my colleagues.
However, I decided to keep it to myself while I tried to find a solution. This decision forced me to develop resilience and problem-solving skills that I wouldn’t have gained if I had immediately turned to others for help.
It was a tough period, but in the end, I managed to complete the project successfully. And I did it on my own terms.
This isn’t to say you should bottle up your problems or avoid seeking help when needed. There are times when sharing your struggles is essential for your mental health or for practical assistance. But remember, not every battle needs an audience. Sometimes, you’re stronger than you think, and overcoming challenges on your own can lead to significant personal growth.
3) Negative opinions about others
In the realm of Stoicism, gossip and negative talk about others is seen as a futile exercise. It’s believed that such chatter only adds unnecessary negativity to one’s life and does nothing to contribute to our growth.
Marcus Aurelius, one of the most recognized Stoic philosophers, once said, “Say nothing bad about others, not even when you are alone.” This mindset promotes keeping a clear conscience and maintaining a sense of dignity and respect for all individuals.
Sharing negative opinions about others not only harms the person you’re talking about but can also harm your own character. It’s a habit that can easily tarnish your reputation and erode trust in relationships.
So, next time you feel the urge to pass along a negative opinion, remember Marcus Aurelius’ advice. It may just save you from unnecessary drama and help maintain harmony in your relationships.
4) Financial situation
Stoicism encourages us to find contentment within ourselves, regardless of our external circumstances. This includes our financial situation.
It’s not uncommon for people to boast about their wealth or, conversely, express concern about their lack of it. However, Stoics believe that this is an area of life that should remain private.
Discussing your financial situation can lead to unwanted judgement or envy from others. It can also create pressure to maintain a certain lifestyle or status that may not be sustainable or true to your values.
Keeping your financial situation to yourself ensures that you can focus on what truly matters – living a life in accordance with your own principles and finding happiness outside of material possessions. After all, true wealth is measured by the richness of your character, not the size of your bank account.
5) Personal beliefs and convictions
Stoicism places a great emphasis on living according to your own beliefs and convictions. While it’s important to stand up for what you believe in, these deeply personal aspects of your life aren’t always necessary to share with others.
Your beliefs and convictions are unique to you. They form an integral part of who you are and guide your actions and decisions. However, sharing them can often lead to debates, arguments or misunderstandings, especially when they’re met with differing opinions.
By keeping your personal beliefs and convictions to yourself, you maintain your peace of mind. You’re less likely to be influenced by others, and more likely to stay true to yourself. Remember, the goal isn’t to convince others of your viewpoint, but to live in alignment with your own principles.
6) Acts of kindness
Performing acts of kindness is a beautiful way to spread positivity and make the world a little better. However, Stoicism teaches us that the true value of kindness lies in the act itself, not in the recognition or praise that might follow.
When we perform an act of kindness, it should be from the heart, with no expectation of anything in return. By keeping these acts to ourselves, we maintain their purity and sincerity.
Imagine quietly helping a struggling neighbor, donating anonymously to a cause you believe in, or simply leaving a kind note for someone who needs it. These acts of kindness are no less significant because they’re unseen. In fact, they might be even more so.
Keeping your acts of kindness to yourself allows them to remain genuine expressions of love and compassion. After all, the true reward for kindness is the joy and fulfillment it brings to your own heart.
7) Past regrets
We all have moments in our lives that we wish we could change. Decisions we made, actions we took, or words we said that we regret. But Stoicism teaches us that dwelling on these past regrets serves no purpose.
I once made a mistake that cost me a dear friendship. For a long time, I carried the weight of that regret, often sharing it with others in a bid to lighten my burden. However, I came to realize this was not only unhelpful but was also preventing me from moving forward.
Stoicism taught me to accept my past mistakes as valuable lessons, not burdens to carry. By keeping my past regrets to myself, I was able to focus on learning from my mistakes and making amends where possible, rather than dwelling on what could have been.
Remember, your past does not define you. It’s how you choose to grow from it that truly matters.
8) Your quiet moments
In our social media-driven world, it’s tempting to share every moment of our lives. But Stoicism teaches us the importance of cherishing quiet, private moments.
These are the times when we reflect, recharge, and reconnect with ourselves. It could be a serene morning walk, a peaceful evening reading a book, or just a calm moment of contemplation.
While it might seem beneficial to share these moments with others, doing so can sometimes detract from their value. It shifts the focus from experiencing the moment to documenting it.
By keeping these quiet moments to yourself, you allow yourself to fully immerse in them. You strengthen your relationship with yourself and cultivate a deep sense of inner peace. And often, it’s in these unshared moments that we find our greatest insights and inspirations.
9) Your self-care rituals
Self-care is an essential part of maintaining our mental, emotional, and physical well-being. However, in the realm of Stoicism, these practices are considered deeply personal and best kept to ourselves.
Your self-care rituals, whether they involve meditation, exercise, or indulging in a favorite hobby, are unique to you. They’re tailored to your needs and preferences, designed to rejuvenate your spirit and restore your energy.
Sharing them with others may invite unsolicited advice or comparisons that can detract from their purpose. Your self-care practices aren’t about what works for others, but about what works for you.
By keeping your self-care rituals to yourself, you reinforce their personal nature and significance. It’s a reminder that taking care of yourself isn’t a trend or competition, but a personal commitment to your well-being.
10) Your inner peace
Perhaps the most important thing that Stoicism teaches us to keep to ourselves is our inner peace. It’s that serene state of mind that’s independent of external circumstances, a tranquility that comes from within.
Your inner peace is your sanctuary, your retreat from the chaos of the world. It’s something you cultivate through self-reflection, acceptance, and living in accordance with your values.
Sharing it with others can sometimes mean subjecting it to external influences or disruptions. Your inner peace is precious and should be guarded as such.
By keeping your inner peace to yourself, you protect it. You ensure it remains untouched by the noise of the outside world, allowing you to maintain a calm and steady spirit amid life’s storms.
Final thoughts: The Stoic silence
Delving into the realm of Stoicism allows us to view silence and solitude from a different perspective. It’s not just about keeping secrets or withholding information, but about understanding the power of restraint and introspection.
The Stoics viewed silence as a form of wisdom. They believed that by keeping certain aspects of our lives to ourselves, we can maintain a sense of inner peace and avoid unnecessary disturbances.
Seneca, a prominent Stoic philosopher, once said, “True happiness is to enjoy the present, without anxious dependence upon the future.” By keeping these ten aspects of life to ourselves, we can heed Seneca’s advice and focus on living in the present moment.
Whether you’re a student of Stoicism or just someone seeking a more serene way of life, remember that sometimes, silence can speak louder than words. And in that silence, you might just find the peace and contentment you’ve been searching for.
What would Marcus Aurelius say?
Unsure what to do next in your career? Struggling to move on from a failed relationship? Searching for more meaning in life?
Marcus Aurelius can tell you how to face your challenges in a more Stoic way.
Simply ask your question, and Marcus Aurelius will answer.
