5 little phrases to ban from your vocab to become stronger and more resilient

Ever pondered about a straightforward way to become stronger and more resilient?

Well, I sure have.  And you know what I’ve found?

Words matter.

The phrases we use every day can either build us up or tear us down.

I’ve stumbled on five little phrases that, once banished from my vocabulary, have made me feel stronger and more resilient.

Could they do the same for you?

Let’s find out.

1) “I’m too busy”

“Remember how long you have been putting off these things and how many times that gods have given you days of grae, and yet you do not use them.” – Marcus Aurelius (The Meditations of the Emperor Marcus Antoninus, 1944)

“I’m too busy” was another phrase that I found myself using quite often. It seemed like a valid excuse for not accomplishing tasks or pursuing interests.

But then, I read some work by time management expert Laura Vanderkam. She tells us that ‘“I don’t have time’ means ‘It’s not a priority.’ We always have time for what matters to us.”

This led me to introspect. Was I genuinely too busy, or was I using this phrase to evade responsibilities or tasks? Basically, I was using it as an excuse to procrastinate.

So, instead of saying “I’m too busy”, I began to say “It’s not a priority right now” for things that genuinely weren’t and making time for things that were. This shift in language made me more conscious of how I was spending my time and what I was choosing to prioritize.

Removing “I’m too busy” from my vocab didn’t magically free up more time. But it did grant me a sense of control and make me more resilient, accountable, and mindful about how I manage my time.

2) “What will (so and so) think?”

Ever found yourself dwelling in the past, ruminating over things you could have done differently?

For me, the phrase “I should have” was a regular part of my mental dialogue. It was a phrase filled with regret, guilt, and missed opportunities.

To combat this, I replaced “I should have” with “Next time, I will”. This shifts the focus from regret over past actions to learning and growth for future situations.

Since making this change, my resilience has grown significantly. I no longer dwell on past mistakes but use them as stepping stones to become stronger and more adaptable.

4) “It’s too hard”

“Do not because a thing is hard for you yourself to accomplish, imagine that it is humanly impossible: but if a thing is humanly possible and appropriate, consider it also to be within your own reach.” – Marcus Aurelius (The Meditations of the Emperor Marcus Antoninus, 1944)

This phrase is a silent killer of dreams and goals. It sneakily creeps into our minds when we face a challenge, a new project, or a difficult task.

For me, the act of saying “It’s too hard” was an automatic response, a defence mechanism to avoid stepping out of my comfort zone. But the truth is, nothing worthwhile comes easy.

So, I decided to replace “It’s too hard” with “Let’s break it down”. This new phrase encourages me to see a big challenge as a series of smaller tasks – each one conquerable with effort and perseverance.

Ever since this phrase switch, I’ve noticed a surge in my resilience. Challenges no longer feel as insurmountable; they’re just puzzles waiting to be solved.

5) “I’m a failure”

Picture this: You take on a new project, pour your heart and soul into it, but it doesn’t work out the way you hoped. You feel deflated, and the phrase “I’m a failure” starts to echo in your mind.

Sound familiar?

For me, “I’m a failure” was a phrase that surfaced all too often, especially during challenging times.

Recognizing this, I understood that I needed to separate my identity from my failures. Just because a particular endeavor failed didn’t mean I was a failure.

So, instead of saying “I’m a failure”, I began to say “I failed at this task”. This slight shift in language helped me realize that failing at something didn’t define me or my worth. It was simply an event, not an identity.

Since making this change, my resilience has increased, and so has my willingness to take on new challenges. I no longer view failures as setbacks but as opportunities for growth and learning.

Remember, while we cannot control the outcome of every situation, we can control how we perceive and react to it. And that often starts with the language we use.

The bottom line

The words we use shape our reality. By consciously filtering our vocabulary, we can foster resilience, harness our strength, and transform our lives. It’s not just what we say; it’s the power behind those words. Choose them wisely.