I get it. Failure can be a real punch in the gut.
That sinking feeling of defeat, the regret, the “what ifs”. Harsh, right?
You’re not alone. But what if I told you there’s a way to handle failure without letting it knock you down?
There is. Stoicism might be the answer to dealing with failure like a pro.
Today, I’ll share with you five easy Stoic strategies that could turn your failures into stepping stones.
They certainly helped me.
Let’s get to it.
01 Accept what you cannot control
Have you ever found yourself stuck in a cycle of frustration over something completely out of your control? I know I have.
Early in my career, I was passed over for a promotion that I had been working tirelessly towards. I was devastated and felt like a failure.
But then, I came across this quote from Marcus Aurelius, “You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”.
I realized that my feelings of failure were not because of the missed promotion, but because of how I perceived it. It was out of my control who my boss chose to promote. What was within my control was how I reacted to it and what actions I took next.
So, instead of wallowing in self-pity, I chose to accept the situation and focus on improving my skills and seeking other opportunities. This process wasn’t easy or immediate. It took time and patience. But it allowed me to move forward rather than being stuck in a loop of frustration and disappointment.
The point is that it’s not the events themselves that disturb us but our perceptions of them. By accepting what we cannot control, we can free ourselves from unnecessary suffering and move forward with resilience.
02 Embrace failures as learning opportunities
There’s no sugarcoating it – failure can feel like a dead end. But what if we could turn it into an opportunity?
In my early twenties, I started a small business. Despite my best efforts, it fell flat. I was overwhelmed with feelings of defeat and inadequacy. I am sure you, too, have felt this at some point.
Then, I stumbled upon a quote from Seneca, “Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body.”
This Stoic wisdom made me realize that my failed business wasn’t a dead end but an opportunity to learn and grow. It was a tough pill to swallow, but it prompted me to dissect where things went wrong and how I could improve in the future.
So, I picked up the pieces and started another venture. This time, armed with lessons from my past failures, it was a lot easier.
We live and learn. Failure is a huge part of that learning process.
03 Remember that it will pass
Failure, like all aspects of life, is transient. It can be tough to remember this when you’re in the midst of a difficult situation, but time has a way of healing and reshaping our perspectives. Stoic philosophy offers a valuable perspective on the nature of time and change. Marcus Aurelius once wrote:
“Time is like a river made up of the events which happen, and a violent stream; for as soon as a thing has been seen, it is carried away, and another comes in its place, and this will be carried away too.”
This analogy reminds us that every event, no matter how distressing, is fleeting. Just as a river carries away debris, time carries away our failures and sorrows. This doesn’t diminish the challenges we face, but it does promise that they won’t last forever.
Seneca also comforts with his wisdom, stating, “Only time can heal what reason cannot.” Some wounds, such as the sting of a failed endeavor or the pain of rejection, cannot be fully addressed through reasoning alone. Time provides the space for emotional recovery and the gaining of new perspectives.
Further emphasizing the continuity and cyclical nature of life, Seneca notes, “Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.” Every failure is not just an end, but a precursor to a new beginning. This perspective encourages us to look beyond the immediate pain of failure and see the potential for renewal and new opportunities.
By internalizing these Stoic insights, you can begin to see failure not as a permanent mark but as a temporary setback that will pass, evolve, and lead to new beginnings.
04 Remember, “There is no shame in making an honest effort.”
Often, the sting of failure is exacerbated by the feeling of shame or embarrassment we attach to not achieving our desired outcomes.
However, Stoic philosophy encourages us to detach our self-worth from our successes and failures, focusing instead on the virtue of our efforts. Epictetus, a prominent Stoic philosopher, reminds us, “There is no shame in making an honest effort.”
This simple yet profound statement can transform the way we perceive failure. Instead of seeing it as a mark of inadequacy, we can view it as a testament to our willingness to try, to engage with challenges, and to commit to our goals.
By embracing the wisdom of Epictetus, you reinforce the belief that there is honor in striving, regardless of the results. This shift in mindset can alleviate the pressure of perfectionism and fear of failure, allowing you to pursue your goals with a sense of peace and purpose.
05 Detach Yourself from What Others Think
One of the most liberating yet challenging Stoic principles is the practice of detaching from the opinions of others. Marcus Aurelius highlights a common paradox, writing:
“I have often wondered how it is that every man loves himself more than all the rest of men, but yet sets less value on his own opinion of himself than on the opinion of others.”
This insight is especially poignant in times of failure when we might feel particularly vulnerable to external judgments.
Reflecting on my own experiences, I vividly recall the failure of my first business. Despite putting my heart and soul into it, the venture did not succeed.
What compounded the disappointment was my acute awareness of others’ perceptions. I worried excessively about appearing foolish or incompetent, letting these fears magnify my sense of failure. In retrospect, the anxiety about others’ opinions was an unnecessary burden that hindered my initial recovery and response.
The bottom line
These five strategies have transformed the way I deal with failure, turning it from a source of dread into an opportunity for growth. And they could do the same for you.
It’s all about mindset shifts. Start with one or two strategies and see where they lead you.
Don’t worry if it feels challenging at first.
Stoicism (and life) isn’t about dodging failures. It’s about harnessing them to become the best version of ourselves.
What would Marcus Aurelius say?
Unsure what to do next in your career? Struggling to move on from a failed relationship? Searching for more meaning in life?
Marcus Aurelius can tell you how to face your challenges in a more Stoic way.
Simply ask your question, and Marcus Aurelius will answer.
