5 Stoic strategies for dealing with toxic people

Have you ever found yourself drained by the negative energy of toxic people?

It’s a feeling many of us know all too well. Toxic individuals thrive on reactions, feeding off your emotional responses to fuel their own agenda.

Today, we dive into the ancient wisdom of Stoicism to uncover how it can become your shield against such negativity.

Let’s get to it.

1) Indifference

Another does wrong. What is that to me? Let him look to it; he has his own disposition, his own activity” – Marcus Aurelius (The Meditations of the Emperor Marcus Antoninus, 1944)

Toxic people thrive on reactions. Their energy often feeds off your emotional responses.

Enter Stoicism, a philosophy that values emotional resilience and personal tranquility above all else.

Stoic philosophers like Epictetus believed in the power of indifference – the ability to remain unaffected by external circumstances, including toxic individuals.

When you encounter a toxic person, instead of reacting to their negativity, choose to remain indifferent. By doing so, you deprive them of the reaction they seek and maintain control over your emotional state.

It’s not about ignoring them or suppressing your feelings. It’s about choosing not to let their negativity disrupt your peace of mind.

2) Practicing the dichotomy of control

One of the core principles of Stoicism is understanding what’s in your control and what isn’t – something I learned the hard way.

I once had a colleague who had a knack for creating chaos wherever she went. She was constantly stirring up drama, and it was affecting my productivity and peace of mind.

I tried everything to change her behavior – talking to her, avoiding her, even complaining to our boss. But nothing seemed to work.

Then I discovered the Stoic concept of the ‘dichotomy of control’. It made me realize that I couldn’t control my colleague’s actions, but I could control how I responded to them.

As Epictetus said: “We cannot choose our external circumstances, but we can always choose how we respond to them.”

So I stopped trying to change her and focused instead on changing myself – how I perceived her actions and how I responded to them.

I started viewing her behavior as something external, beyond my control. Instead of getting upset, I focused on maintaining my calm and staying focused on my work.

Over time, I found that her actions no longer bothered me. By focusing on what I could control – my reactions – I was able to retain my peace, regardless of what she did.

3) Offering compassion

At first glance, offering compassion to a toxic person might seem counterintuitive, even impossible. After all, they’re the ones causing distress, right?

But Stoicism teaches us that everyone is fighting their own battles and sometimes the best response is a gentle one. As Marcus Aurelius once wrote:

gentleness is invincible, if it be genuine and not sneering or hypocritical. For what can the most insolent do to you, if you continue gentle to him, and, if opportunity allows, mildly admonish him and quietly show him a better way at the very moment when he attempts to do you injury.” (The Meditations of the Emperor Marcus Antoninus, 1944)

Offering compassion doesn’t mean allowing someone to walk over you; it means understanding that their toxicity often stems from their own struggles.

By choosing to respond with kindness and understanding, you refuse to mirror their negativity, maintaining your peace and dignity.

4) Viewing challenges as teachers

Stoicism encourages us to view challenges not as hindrances but as opportunities for growth. And dealing with toxic people is one such challenge.

When dealing with a toxic person, instead of viewing them as a problem, consider them a teacher. What can their behavior teach you about patience, tolerance, or resilience?

Marcus Aurelius encourages himself to do this in Meditations. He wrote, “When a man offends against you, think at once what conception of good or ill it was which made him offend. And seeing this, you will pity him and feel neither surprise nor anger.” (The Meditations of the Emperor Marcus Antoninus, 1944)

See the focus on understanding and learning?

This shift in perspective doesn’t justify their toxicity but allows you to grow and learn from the experience, turning negativity into wisdom.

Every challenge is an opportunity for growth. 

5) Staying true to your values

Whatever anyone may do or say, I am bound to be good” – Marcus Aurelius (The Meditations of the Emperor Marcus Antoninus, 1944)

In the face of toxicity, it can be tempting to compromise our values and fight fire with fire. But Stoicism reminds us to stay true to our principles, regardless of the circumstances.

When dealing with toxic people, remember your virtues. Are you a person of patience? Show it. Are you a person of understanding? Use it. Don’t let their behavior provoke you into becoming someone you’re not.

No matter how difficult it may seem, stay true to who you are. 

Final thoughts: Stoicism as a shield

The journey of life is punctuated with encounters with all sorts of individuals, including those who carry an air of toxicity.

How we navigate these interactions can significantly impact our peace and happiness. 

Stoicism doesn’t promise a world devoid of toxic people. Instead, it equips us with strategies to maintain our tranquility despite their presence.

As always, I hope you found this post useful. Now, it’s over to you. What strategies do you use to deal with toxic individuals? Let us know in the comments!

What would Marcus Aurelius say?

Unsure what to do next in your career? Struggling to move on from a failed relationship? Searching for more meaning in life?

Marcus Aurelius can tell you how to face your challenges in a more Stoic way.

Simply ask your question, and Marcus Aurelius will answer.

Check it out here.

 

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