“You Stoics are an interesting bunch, aren’t you?”
That’s something I often hear. People are intrigued about what goes on behind the stoic exterior.
And often, Stoics are misunderstood.
The reality is that Stoics are not cold or aloof, but there are definitely certain things real Stoics never reveal about themselves in public.
Intrigued?
Let’s dive into five things that real Stoics keep under wraps.
1) Their personal struggles
Here’s the first thing to note about real Stoics.
They don’t parade their personal struggles in public. It’s not because they’re trying to project an image of invincibility (though it may sometimes seem that way).
The reason is quite simple.
Stoics understand that everyone has their own battles to fight, their own mountains to climb. They believe in handling their issues internally, not burdening others with their problems.
Does this mean they’re unapproachable or aloof? Absolutely not.
In fact, their resilience often makes them a beacon of strength for others. They just choose to manage their difficulties privately, using them as opportunities for growth and self-improvement.
And that’s the beauty of Stoicism. It’s not about suppressing emotions or ignoring pain. It’s about understanding, accepting, and dealing with it, all while maintaining a calm and balanced outlook on life.
2) Their emotional reactions
Let me tell you a little story about my friend, Sam. A real stoic, that one.
A few years ago, we were both at a party. It was a lively gathering, filled with laughter and merriment. Suddenly, an unflattering rumor about Sam started circulating. I watched as the news reached him. His face remained impassive, his demeanor unchanged.
Later, when I asked him how he felt about the rumor, he told me, “I can’t control what others say or think about me, but I can control how I react to it.”
That’s the stoic way.
Stoics don’t publicly display their emotional reactions. Not because they don’t have emotions, but because they believe in maintaining control over them. They understand that life is full of surprises – some pleasant, some not so much.
For Stoics like Sam, it’s not about denying emotions. It’s about processing them internally and not letting them have power over their actions or peace of mind. They value their equanimity and strive to maintain it, even in the face of adversity.
3) Their successes
One might think that Stoics, with their disciplined and introspective ways, would proudly display their achievements for all to see. However, the opposite is true.
Stoics keep their successes under wraps, adhering to the wisdom imparted by Epictetus:
“When you have adopted the simple life, do not pride yourself upon it, and if you are a water-drinker do not say on every occasion, ‘I am a water-drinker.’ And if you ever want to train laboriously, keep it to yourself and do not make a show of it.” (The Discourses of Epictetus 1916)
For Stoics, success is not about external validation or applause. It’s about personal growth and fulfillment. They believe that true accomplishment lies in the quiet satisfaction of knowing they’ve done their best, irrespective of whether anyone else notices.
Stoics strive to avoid the trap of vanity and ego that often accompanies success. They understand that boasting about their achievements not only diminishes their value but also shifts the focus from intrinsic satisfaction to external approval. Instead, they embrace humility, recognizing that their true worth is not measured by accolades or recognition but by their character and actions.
By keeping their successes private, Stoics maintain their focus on what truly matters: their continuous journey of self-improvement and the cultivation of virtues. Their achievements are for themselves, a testament to their perseverance, discipline, and adherence to Stoic principles.
This silent pride ensures that their ego does not overshadow their values, allowing them to remain grounded and true to their philosophy.
4) Their acts of kindness
Ever noticed how some of the kindest people are often the quietest about their good deeds?
Stoics fall right into that category.
You see, Stoics understand the value of kindness, compassion, and generosity. They don’t do kind acts for recognition or praise. They do them because they believe it’s the right thing to do.
Whether it’s helping a neighbor with groceries, volunteering at a local shelter, or simply lending a listening ear to a friend in need, Stoics practice kindness in their everyday lives.
But they don’t wear these acts on their sleeves. They don’t seek validation or applause for their deeds. Their kindness is discreet, often unnoticed by many but deeply felt by those on the receiving end.
5) Their journey towards wisdom
At the core of Stoicism is the pursuit of wisdom. Wisdom, for Stoics, isn’t just about knowledge. It’s about understanding the nature of life, the universe, and our place in it.
But this journey towards wisdom is a deeply personal one. It’s not something Stoics flaunt or talk about in public. It’s a lifelong quest that takes place in the silence of their hearts and the solitude of their minds.
Stoics understand that wisdom can’t be rushed or forced. It comes from introspection, experience, and a deep understanding of oneself and the world around us.
So, while you may not hear a Stoic talk about their quest for wisdom, rest assured that it’s a journey they’re constantly embarking on, silently and diligently, in their pursuit of living a good and meaningful life.
The last word
In essence, real Stoics embody a quiet strength and wisdom that often goes unnoticed by the world.
They navigate life’s challenges with grace, keeping their struggles, emotions, judgments, acts of kindness, journey towards wisdom, and successes private. This internal focus allows them to live authentically and purposefully, guided by their principles rather than the need for external validation.
What about you? Do you resonate with these hidden aspects of Stoicism? We’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences.
Share your views in the comments below and join the conversation.
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What would Marcus Aurelius say?
Unsure what to do next in your career? Struggling to move on from a failed relationship? Searching for more meaning in life?
Marcus Aurelius can tell you how to face your challenges in a more Stoic way.
Simply ask your question, and Marcus Aurelius will answer.
