5 things that are your responsibility (even if they’re not your fault)

There was a time when I believed that if something wasn’t my fault, then it wasn’t my problem. But over the years, I’ve come to realize that life doesn’t work that way.

This shift in perspective started for me when I came across the concept in Mark Manson’s The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck. He emphasizes that while we may not be at fault for many things that happen to us, we are still responsible for them. 

Recognizing that some things, while not our fault, are still our responsibility was a big step for me—one that changed the way I navigate life.

It’s not about blame or guilt; it’s about taking ownership of our reactions, decisions, and the way we move forward. This mindset shift didn’t just help me manage challenges more effectively; it brought a sense of peace and empowerment that I didn’t know was possible.

In this article, I’m going to share some things that, while not your fault, are absolutely your responsibility.

Let’s dive in.

01 Your past

It’s so so easy to get caught up in the idea that your past defines you, especially if you’ve been through tough times. Whether it’s mistakes you’ve made, traumas you’ve endured, or circumstances you were born into, it’s possible none of it is your fault.

But here’s the hard truth: it is your responsibility to deal with it.

I used to think that if I wasn’t responsible for something that happened in my past, then I could just ignore it. But that only led to more pain and confusion down the road.

Taking responsibility for your past doesn’t mean blaming yourself—it means accepting that the way you choose to move forward is entirely within your control. It’s about understanding that while you didn’t choose your past, you do choose how it affects your present and future.

You might not be able to rewrite your past, but you can certainly take charge of your narrative from this moment on.

02 Your Emotions

This is a big one. 

We often think of our emotions as something that happens to us, beyond our control.

If someone cuts you off in traffic, you might feel anger bubble up immediately. If you receive bad news, sadness might wash over you like a wave. It’s natural to think, “I can’t help how I feel.”

While it’s true that we can’t always control our initial emotional reactions, we are responsible for how we manage and respond to those emotions.

Epictetus put it clearly: “What disturbs men’s minds is not events, but their judgments on events.” (The Discourses of Epictetus , 1916)

It’s not the situation itself that causes our distress, but rather our interpretation and reaction to it. This was a game-changer for me when I realized that my emotions didn’t have to dictate my actions or my state of mind.

Taking responsibility for your emotions means acknowledging them without letting them take over. It’s about practicing self-awareness and asking yourself, “Why am I feeling this way?” and “Is my reaction helpful or harmful?”

It also means understanding that while your feelings are valid, they don’t always reflect reality.

03 The people in your life

The people in our lives can have a profound impact on us—whether for better or worse.

We often think that we’re stuck with the relationships we’ve inherited or the ones that have lingered over time. How many times have you thought, This person is just part of my life, and I have to deal with it?

But the truth is, while you may not be at fault for who enters your life, it’s your responsibility to decide who stays or at least, what influence you allow them to have on you. 

The Stoics believed in the importance of surrounding oneself with those who reflect the virtues we aspire to.

Marcus Aurelius wisely noted, “Whenever you desire to cheer yourself, think upon the merits of those who are alive with you; the energy of one, for instance; the modesty of another; the generosity of a third; of another some other gift.”

We are influenced by the company we keep, and it’s up to us to choose that company wisely.

Taking responsibility for the people in your life means recognizing that you have the power to set boundaries, to distance yourself from those who drain your energy, and to nurture relationships that uplift and support you. This doesn’t mean cutting off everyone who challenges you—growth often comes from constructive friction—but it does mean being mindful of who you allow to influence your thoughts and actions.

04 Your reactions to others

How often do we blame others for our own reactions? Someone says something hurtful, and we immediately lash out or retreat into our shell. It’s easy to think, They made me angry, or They upset me, as if our emotions and reactions are entirely at the mercy of others. 

Epictetus reminds us, “It is not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.”

This principle was a tough pill to swallow, but it was also incredibly liberating once I embraced it. When you take ownership of your reactions, you reclaim your power from the hands of others.

Instead of reacting impulsively or letting someone else’s behavior dictate your mood, you can choose a response that aligns with your values and maintains your peace of mind.

This doesn’t mean you won’t feel hurt, angry, or frustrated—it means you won’t let those feelings drive your actions.

05 Your habits

Our habits shape our lives in profound ways, often more than we realize.

Whether it’s procrastination, unhealthy eating, or constantly checking our phones, it’s easy to feel trapped by habits that seem beyond our control. But while you may not be at fault for the habits you’ve developed—perhaps they were influenced by your environment or past experiences—it is your responsibility to change them if they no longer serve you.

Taking responsibility for your habits means being honest with yourself about what’s working and what’s not. It’s about recognizing that while breaking a bad habit is challenging, it’s entirely within your control to do so. Start small, with one habit at a time, and commit to consistent, deliberate action. Over time, these small changes compound, leading to significant improvements in your life.

The bottom line

Life may hand you circumstances beyond your control, but your response to them is always in your hands.

Take ownership of your past, your emotions, your habits, and your happiness—because while they may not be your fault, they are absolutely your responsibility.

If you’re ready to take charge and live more intentionally, why not sign up for our newsletter? You’ll get insights, tips, and Stoic wisdom delivered straight to your inbox to help you on your journey. Don’t miss out—your next step toward a more empowered life is just a click away.

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