There’s a stark difference between appearing kind and actually being kind. Often, we’re fooled by acts of superficial warmth, mistaking them for genuine kindness.
The truth is, some people have mastered the art of appearing kind while hiding their true nature. As a relationship expert, I’ve seen this phenomenon more times than I can count.
In this article, I’ll be sharing seven of these telltale signs that you should look out for.
This isn’t about being cynical or suspicious; it’s about protecting your emotional well-being by recognizing those who might be wearing a kind facade.
Let’s dive in and shed light on the hidden truths behind some people’s seemingly kind gestures.
1) Excessive flattery
We all love a bit of praise now and then. But there’s a difference between genuine compliments and excessive flattery.
Often, those who aren’t as kind as they’d like you to believe use flattering words as a tactic to win you over. They know that we’re more likely to trust and like people who make us feel good about ourselves.
It’s like a smokescreen, hiding their true intentions beneath layers of sweet-talk.
This is well acknowledged by experts in the field of psychology, such as Jason Whiting, Ph.D., a professor at Brigham Young University, who wrote in a recent Psychology Today post, “Flattery is dishonest when used to gain or control. It is effective because everyone has insecurities and loves to be told great things about themselves.”
Now, don’t get me wrong. Compliments aren’t inherently bad. But when they’re over the top or seem out of place, it’s time to question their sincerity.
2) They’re always the victim
This might seem counterintuitive at first. After all, how could someone who’s always the victim be unkind?
Well, it’s all about context and patterns. If you notice that a person consistently portrays themselves as the victim in every situation, it might be a red flag.
These individuals often use their perceived victimhood as a way to evoke sympathy and deflect blame. They’re experts at making others feel guilty for things that aren’t their fault.
The problem here is that it’s an emotional manipulation tactic. They’re using your empathy and compassion against you to avoid taking responsibility for their actions.
3) They rarely show empathy
Empathy, the ability to understand and share the feelings of others, is a vital aspect of kindness.
In fact, some researchers have noted that it is central to being good as it’s what often stops us from hurting others and what motivates us to help others.
However, some people seem to miss out on this critical trait. They might appear kind on the surface, but their interactions lack depth and understanding.
In my experience, a person who rarely shows empathy is often focused mainly on their own needs and wants. They may listen to you speak, but they don’t truly hear or understand your emotions.
4) Their actions don’t align with their words
It’s easy to speak kind words, but actions truly speak louder.
I’ve come across so many people who talk a good game, but when it comes to showing kindness through their deeds, they fall short.
These individuals might promise to be there for you, to support you, but when you actually need them, they’re nowhere to be found. Or they might say they value honesty and respect, yet they don’t treat others with these basic courtesies.
5) They’re only kind when they need something
Over the years, I’ve noticed a common trait among some people who seem kind on the surface: they’re super sweet… but only when they need something from you.
These individuals are like chameleons, changing their colors based on their circumstances and needs. One moment, they’re the embodiment of kindness, showering you with attention and care. The next moment, once they’ve gotten what they want, their warmth fades away.
It’s a hard pill to swallow, realizing that someone’s kindness was conditional. But it’s essential to recognize this pattern because it’s a clear indicator that their kindness is not genuine.
6) They’re quick to judge others
They’re the first to point out someone’s flaws or mistakes, rarely showing understanding or compassion. They might even take pleasure in belittling others under the guise of “just being honest.” Sound familiar?
Remember what Mother Teresa once said: “If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”
True kindness implies acceptance, understanding, and respect for others, regardless of their imperfections.
Unfortunately, those who are quick to judge seldom embody these qualities. So be wary of those who are judgmental. It’s not a trait of kindness.
7) They lack genuine remorse
Here’s the raw truth: We all make mistakes. No one is perfect, and that’s perfectly okay. What matters is how we handle these slip-ups.
Kind people acknowledge their mistakes and show genuine remorse. They apologize sincerely and strive to make things right.
On the flip side, those masquerading as kind often lack this sense of remorse. They might offer a half-hearted apology, if at all, without any real intention of changing their behavior.
It’s a harsh reality to face, but it’s crucial to recognize this sign.
Wrapping It Up
Understanding the nuances of human behavior can be a challenging task, especially when it comes to discerning genuine kindness from a facade. But I believe that by staying observant and tuning into these seven signs, we can better navigate our relationships and protect our emotional well-being.
I hope that this article has given you some food for thought, and perhaps a greater understanding of the complexities of kindness.
Until next time, stay strong!
What would Marcus Aurelius say?
Unsure what to do next in your career? Struggling to move on from a failed relationship? Searching for more meaning in life?
Marcus Aurelius can tell you how to face your challenges in a more Stoic way.
Simply ask your question, and Marcus Aurelius will answer.
