We’ve all heard phrases like “I’m just being honest” or “You’re too sensitive.” But how often do we stop to question their true intent?
Today, we dive into some of the most common toxic phrases used to manipulate and control.
How many have you encountered?
Let’s find out.
1) “I’m just being honest.”
We all value honesty, right?
Sure, but there’s a fine line between being straightforward and being downright rude. Toxic people often cross this line, disguising their harsh criticisms as frankness.
They’ll voice hurtful comments and then follow up with “I’m just being honest,” or “I’m just telling it like it is.”
But don’t be fooled. This is a classic tactic to justify their negativity and make you question your own reaction.
True honesty is constructive and respectful, not cruel or degrading. The next time someone uses this phrase as a cover for their harsh words, know that it’s not about honesty – it’s about them.
2) “You’re too sensitive.”
Have you ever expressed your feelings, only to be told that you’re overreacting or being too sensitive?
I know I have.
I remember a time when a friend consistently made sarcastic remarks about my job. When I finally gathered the courage to express how those comments made me feel, their response was, “You’re just too sensitive.”
Sound familiar?
This is a classic deflection technique. By shifting the blame onto your reaction, they avoid taking responsibility for their hurtful behavior. They make you question your feelings and reactions, causing you to doubt yourself.
3) “I’m just kidding.”
Humor is a beautiful thing. It lightens the mood, brings people together, and serves as a relief valve from life’s pressures. But in the hands of a toxic person, it can turn into a weapon.
Imagine someone belittling you in front of others, only to brush it off with an “I’m just kidding” after seeing your hurt reaction. Instead of apologizing for the insensitive joke, they turn it around and make it seem like you can’t take a joke.
But let me tell you this: A joke made at the expense of someone’s feelings is no joke at all.
You’re not humorless or uptight for refusing to laugh at a hurtful comment disguised as a joke. You’re simply respecting your own boundaries. And that’s something to be proud of.
4) “You wouldn’t understand.”
Ever shared your thoughts or feelings only to be met with, “You wouldn’t understand”?
This dismissive phrase is a favorite among toxic people. It’s a quick way to shut down a conversation and make you feel inadequate or out of the loop.
By telling you that you wouldn’t understand, they imply that your perspective is less valid or that you lack the intelligence or experience to grasp the issue at hand. It’s a manipulative tactic designed to belittle you and elevate their own perceived superiority.
But don’t buy into it.
Everyone has different experiences and insights. Just because someone claims you wouldn’t understand doesn’t mean your thoughts or feelings are any less important. It’s crucial to recognize this phrase for what it is: a way to silence you and undermine your confidence.
Next time you hear, “You wouldn’t understand,” challenge it. Ask for clarification and stand firm in your right to contribute to the conversation.
5) “I don’t remember saying that.”
This is a gaslighting classic and one we all need to listen out for.
By denying their previous statements or actions, toxic individuals can make you question your memory, perception, and sanity. This psychological manipulation can lead to self-doubt and confusion, making you more vulnerable to their control.
Be cautious when someone frequently claims not to remember saying things that hurt or upset you. You’re likely dealing with a master manipulator.
6) “If you really cared for me, you would…”
This phrase is another favorite among toxic individuals who want to manipulate your emotions and get their way.
Here’s how it plays out.
By saying this, they put you in a position where you feel obligated to prove your care and affection by doing what they want. It’s a subtle yet powerful form of emotional blackmail, making you feel guilty and questioning your own feelings and commitment.
But let’s be clear. True care and affection are not conditional. Someone who genuinely cares for you will not manipulate you into doing things by questioning your feelings. They will respect your boundaries and understand that your love or care isn’t something to be tested or proved through demands.
7) “You always…”
How often have you heard someone start a complaint with “You always…”?
This phrase is a hallmark of toxic communication. It generalizes your behavior and paints a distorted picture of reality.
Here’s why it’s harmful.
Using “You always” is a way to exaggerate and amplify your actions, making it seem like you’re consistently problematic. It turns specific incidents into a never-ending pattern, which can make you feel unfairly criticized and defensive. This tactic is designed to put you on the back foot and make you question your own behavior.
But let’s get real. No one “always” does anything. Life is full of nuances and specific contexts. If someone frequently uses this phrase, it’s a sign they’re more interested in blaming you than resolving the actual issue at hand.
It’s an unfair generalization that ignores the complexity of human behavior.
Final thoughts
Recognizing toxic people and their manipulative phrases can be a daunting task. But the fact that you’re reading this tells me that you’re already on the right path.
Remember, knowledge is power.
Knowing these phrases and understanding their implications is the first step toward protecting yourself from toxic influences. It’s about setting boundaries, standing up for yourself, and not allowing anyone to undermine your self-worth.
Don’t be too hard on yourself if you’ve fallen for these phrases in the past. We all have. What matters is what you do now that you know. Use this insight to cultivate healthier relationships and distance yourself from those who drain your energy.
What would Marcus Aurelius say?
Unsure what to do next in your career? Struggling to move on from a failed relationship? Searching for more meaning in life?
Marcus Aurelius can tell you how to face your challenges in a more Stoic way.
Simply ask your question, and Marcus Aurelius will answer.
