Stoicism, the ancient Greek philosophy, isn’t just about contemplating life’s mysteries or impressing others with profound insights. It’s a survival guide for navigating life’s ups and downs, and that includes dealing with people who can, quite frankly, be a bit of a drag.
Identifying these low-quality individuals isn’t always straightforward. But Stoicism offers some guidance that can help you spot those who might not be the best influences on your life.
Today, we’re going to delve into some signs that someone might be a low-quality person.
Keep in mind that this isn’t about being judgemental or harsh. It’s about recognizing patterns that could potentially hinder your personal growth and happiness.
Let’s get started.
1. They are incapable of accepting responsibility
Let’s kick things off with a big one: responsibility.
One of the core principles of Stoicism is accepting and dealing with reality, not how we wish things to be.
People who constantly deflect blame, make excuses, or refuse to accept their part in situations are showing clear signs of low-quality behavior. These individuals lack the courage or self-awareness to accept that they might be part of the problem. Instead, they’ll point fingers elsewhere – at other people, circumstances, or even at you.
2. They lack empathy
Imagine this: You’ve just had a rough day, everything that could go wrong did. You’re feeling pretty down and decide to share your woes with a friend.
Instead of listening, though, they brush off your feelings, change the subject, or worse, make it about themselves.
Stoicism places a high value on empathy – the ability to understand and share the feelings of others.
As Marcus Aurelius wrote, “Habituate yourself not to be attentive to what another has to say, and so far as possible be in the mind of the speaker” (The Meditations of the Emperor Marcus Antoninus, 1944)
The ability to empathize is a sign of emotional maturity and a key component in building meaningful relationships. A person who lacks it is like a boat without a rudder, drifting aimlessly without understanding the emotions of those around them.
If you notice that someone consistently struggles to show empathy, it may be a sign that they’re a low-quality individual. Whether it’s their inability to provide comfort during your rough days or their lack of interest in understanding your perspective, such behavior can feel draining and one-sided.
It’s crucial to surround yourself with people who can empathize with you, not just those who are there for the good times.
3. They’re overly attached to material possessions
The famous Stoic philosopher Epictetus once said, “Wealth consists not in having great possessions, but in having few wants.” This quote underscores the Stoic belief that the pursuit of material wealth often leads to dissatisfaction and unhappiness.
Is someone you know overly obsessed with what they own or what they want to own? Do they measure their self-worth and success in terms of material possessions?
If the answer is yes, this might be a sign of a low-quality individual from a Stoic perspective.
Stoic writings encourage us to find contentment within ourselves and value experiences and relationships over material goods. A person who is overly attached to their possessions may find it challenging to appreciate the simple things in life and could potentially bring this materialistic mindset into their relationships.
Remember, it’s not about the cars we drive or the brand of clothes we wear, but character that truly defines us.
4. They constantly seek validation
So, let’s say you’re out having dinner. The food is great, and the conversation is flowing, but every few minutes, they’re checking their phone, posting updates, and obsessively counting likes on their social media posts. Sound familiar?
Well, it’s a big red flag.
Stoicism teaches us to seek validation from within, focusing on our actions and virtues rather than external approval. A person who is constantly seeking validation from others can be exhausting to be around and may lack the self-confidence that Stoicism values.
If they need constant reassurance about their looks, their choices, or their posts’ popularity, it’s a sign they are outsourcing their self-esteem. According to Stoicism, this reliance on external validation shows a lack of self-awareness and hinders inner peace.
5. They are ungrateful or entitled
Let me share with you a story. I once had a friend who seemed to have everything – a loving family, a well-paying job, good health.
Yet, every time we met, he would complain about what he didn’t have, what he thought he deserved more of. He was never satisfied and rarely showed any gratitude for the blessings in his life.
Stoicism places great emphasis on gratitude – being thankful for what we have rather than constantly desiring more. It teaches us that entitlement can lead to dissatisfaction and unhappiness, as it shifts our focus from our blessings to our wants.
When someone consistently fails to appreciate what they have and instead feels entitled to more without putting in the necessary effort, they’re likely not aligning with the Stoic philosophy of gratitude and contentment. Not only can this mindset be draining to be around, but it can also negatively influence your own perspective on life.
As Marcus Aurelius, the famed Stoic philosopher wrote, “ponder on the most fortunate of what you have got, and on account of them remind yourself how they would have been missed, if they had not been here.” (The Meditations of the Emperor Marcus Antoninus, 1944)
6. They have a negative outlook on life
Stoicism teaches us the importance of maintaining a positive outlook on life, even in the face of adversity. Optimism isn’t about ignoring life’s challenges but choosing to focus on what we can control and finding contentment in that.
Take a moment to consider: Does the person you have in mind constantly focus on the negatives? Do they tend to expect the worst and dwell on their problems without actively seeking solutions?
If so, they might be stuck in a cycle of negativity that Stoicism warns against.
Remember, it’s not about being relentlessly positive but about cultivating a resilient mindset that can weather life’s storms. If someone is perpetually stuck under their own raincloud, they may be bringing you down, too.
7. They are judgemental of others
Does someone you know frequently pass judgment on others? Do they criticize or belittle people based on their choices, appearance, or lifestyle?
Stoics stress focusing on our own actions and thoughts rather than judging others. In other words, Stoics believe in controlling what is within our power and letting go of what isn’t – and the actions of others definitely fall into the latter category.
A person who is quick to judge often fails to recognize their own flaws and can create a toxic environment. Moreover, their judgemental attitude can stifle open communication and hinder the formation of deep, meaningful relationships.
Remember that everyone has their own journey and their own struggles. Instead of passing judgement, a high-quality individual would offer understanding, support, and kindness – key elements in the Stoic philosophy.
The bottom line
Stoicism provides us with a roadmap to identify high-quality individuals who can enrich our lives and steer us away from those who may hinder our personal growth.
These signs are not definitive judgments but guidance to help shape healthier relationships.
We would love to hear your thoughts on these points. Do you agree with them? Have you encountered such behaviors in your own life?
Feel free to share your experiences or thoughts in the comments below. We’re all here to learn from each other and grow together on this journey called life.
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What would Marcus Aurelius say?
Unsure what to do next in your career? Struggling to move on from a failed relationship? Searching for more meaning in life?
Marcus Aurelius can tell you how to face your challenges in a more Stoic way.
Simply ask your question, and Marcus Aurelius will answer.
