People-pleasing. It’s something many of us do without even realizing it. We bend over backward to make others happy, even if it means sacrificing our own happiness or well-being.
It may feel good in the moment, but it can actually hold you back in the long run.
Today, we’re going to dive into seven signs that you might be a people pleaser. And not just a people pleaser, but one who’s letting this trait get in the way of your personal and professional growth.
As a relationship expert, I’ve seen firsthand how this behavior can stifle your potential. So let’s shine a light on it, shall we?
1) You often agree, even when you disagree
People pleasing often starts with a simple nod, a yes, an agreement. But is it genuine? If you’re a people pleaser, chances are, not always.
Picture this. You’re in a situation where someone proposes an idea or suggests a course of action. Deep down, you disagree. You see flaws or you have an alternative perspective. But instead of voicing your thoughts, you find yourself nodding along, saying “yes,” even when your inner voice is screaming “no.”
This is a classic sign of people pleasing. It arises from the fear of conflict or the desire to keep everyone around you happy and satisfied.
But here’s the downside: continually suppressing your own thoughts and feelings can lead to resentment, frustration and even burnout. Plus, it may prevent others from getting to know the real you — and that’s definitely holding you back.
Recognizing this tendency can be the first step towards breaking free from being a constant yes-person and starting to value your own opinions and feelings just as much as others’.
2) You feel guilty for saying no
Saying “no” is a healthy and necessary part of maintaining balanced relationships. However, as a people pleaser, you might associate the word “no” with guilt and discomfort.
But here’s the twist: consistently saying “yes” when you really mean “no” can lead to feelings of resentment and exhaustion. It can strain your relationships and hold you back from prioritizing what truly matters to you.
The key is to understand that it’s okay to say “no.” In fact, it’s not just okay—it’s essential for your own happiness and self-care. You are not responsible for everyone else’s feelings or needs, and it’s important to respect your own boundaries.
3) You’re always on standby for others
It’s late at night, your phone rings, and it’s a friend in need. You’ve had a long day and all you crave is some rest. However, you find yourself getting out of bed and rushing to their aid, ignoring your own needs. Sound familiar?
This constant readiness to be there for others, even at your own expense, is often seen in people pleasers. It’s a behavior I cover in depth in my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship.
But for today, just know that the problem with always being on standby is that it leaves little time for self-care and personal growth. You may find yourself stretched thin, constantly running on empty.
It’s not selfish to prioritize your own needs and well-being. In fact, it’s necessary if you want to show up in the world as your best self. So here’s to turning off that standby button and embracing the power of self-care!
4) You take responsibility for others’ emotions
Do you find yourself shouldering the burden of other people’s emotions? Do you feel responsible for their happiness, sadness, anger, or any other emotion they might be experiencing?
Taking on others’ emotions is emotionally draining and can lead to feelings of resentment or exhaustion. It’s essential to remember that each person is responsible for their own feelings.
A wise man or woman once said, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” This quote has always resonated with me as a reminder that in order to take care of others, we first need to take care of ourselves.
So next time you find yourself taking on someone else’s emotions, take a step back and remind yourself that their feelings are not your responsibility. You can support and care for them without carrying their emotional baggage for them.
5) You struggle to express your own needs and desires
As a people pleaser, expressing your own needs and desires might feel like a daunting task. Maybe you worry it will come off as “selfish” or “demanding”. Or perhaps you’re so used to prioritizing others that you’ve lost touch with what you truly want.
Here’s an example: You’re out with a group of friends deciding where to eat. Everyone turns to you and asks, “Where do you want to go?” Instead of stating your preference, you deflect the question and say something like, “I’m fine with anything.”
In my own journey, I’ve found that this inability to express my own needs was a clear sign of my people-pleasing tendencies. It took some time and self-reflection, but learning to vocalize what I truly wanted became a crucial step in breaking free from the people-pleasing trap.
Next time you’re faced with a decision, take a moment to tune into what you really want and express it confidently.
6) You’re constantly seeking validation from others
Another major sign of being a people pleaser is the constant need for external validation. You might find yourself continually looking for approval from others, whether it’s for your work, your appearance, or your choices.
This constant need for validation can be exhausting and detrimental to your self-esteem.
The journey to self-validation is key to overcoming people-pleasing tendencies. It’s about recognizing your worth, independent of anyone else’s opinion.
7) You often feel unappreciated or taken for granted
This might be a hard pill to swallow, but it’s an important one. As a people pleaser, you might often feel unappreciated or taken for granted.
Think about it. You’re always there for others, going out of your way to make them happy. But at the end of the day, does anyone stop to acknowledge your efforts? Or do they just expect it as a given?
The raw truth is that, when you’re always saying yes, always accommodating, people can start to take it for granted. They might not even realize how much you’re doing or sacrificing.
It’s a painful feeling, one that can lead to resentment and emotional exhaustion.
You deserve to be appreciated and acknowledged for what you do. And if you’re not feeling it in your relationships, it might be a sign that your people-pleasing tendencies are causing an imbalance. It’s time to start setting boundaries and asserting your worth.
Final Thoughts
We’ve explored the seven signs of being a people pleaser and how this behavior might be holding you back. Recognizing these signs is a crucial first step in breaking free from the people-pleasing trap.
One thing that I want to remind you is that change doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a process, a journey of self-discovery and self-improvement.
Remember, it’s okay to put your needs first. It’s okay to say no. It’s okay to express your own desires.
As Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “Do what you feel in your heart to be right – for you’ll be criticized anyway.” The key is to live authentically, aligned with your own values and desires, rather than constantly seeking approval from others.
I hope this article provided some valuable insights into your behaviors and patterns. If so, why not join our email newsletter below to stay updated? We’d love to have you as part of our community.
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