7 signs you’re more emotionally intelligent than you might realize (according to Stoicism)

As a relationship expert, I’ve noticed that those who practice Stoicism often display traits that we commonly consider signs of high emotional intelligence.

It’s fascinating how the wisdom of ancient Stoic philosophers like Marcus Aurelius, Seneca, and Epictetus aligns so well with modern-day concepts of emotional intelligence. These wise souls knew a thing or two about staying calm, cool, and collected in the face of life’s ups and downs.

Today, we get into this timeless wisdom and look at EQ from a Stoic perspective.

So, grab a cozy spot and a cup of your favorite tea (or coffee!).

By the end of this article, you’ll not only discover how emotionally intelligent you are but also learn some fantastic Stoic habits to boost your emotional IQ even further.

Ready? Let’s get started!

1) You accept what you can’t control

One of the clearest signs of emotional intelligence is the ability to accept what you can’t control.

This Stoic principle is all about focusing your energy on things you can influence and letting go of what you can’t. It’s a game-changer in maintaining inner peace and emotional balance.

The wise Epictetus once said, “Of all existing things, some are in our power and others are not in our power.”

This profound insight teaches us that while we can’t control every event in our lives, we can control how we respond to them. When you understand and embrace this concept, you’re already practicing a high level of emotional intelligence.

Think about it: How often do we get stressed out by things beyond our control? The weather, other people’s actions, unexpected events—these are all outside our influence.

By recognizing this and choosing to focus on our reactions instead, we reclaim our power.

As a relationship expert, I’ve seen countless clients transform their lives by adopting this mindset. Instead of getting bogged down by uncontrollable circumstances, they channel their energy into positive actions and responses. This shift not only reduces stress but also enhances their overall well-being and relationship satisfaction.

2) You reflect on your actions and emotions

So many of us go through life without truly knowing ourselves. We rush from one task to the next, rarely pausing to consider our thoughts, feelings, and actions.

Yet, one of the most telling signs of emotional intelligence is the habit of daily reflection—a practice deeply rooted in Stoicism.

Marcus Aurelius, one of the most famous Stoic philosophers, advocated for this when he said, “Do not act unwillingly nor selfishly nor without self-examination.” (The Meditations of the Emperor Marcus Antoninus, 1944)

By taking the time to reflect on your actions and emotions, you cultivate a deeper understanding of yourself. This self-awareness allows you to learn from your experiences and grow continuously.

People who regularly reflect on their behaviors and emotions are better equipped to handle conflicts and build stronger connections. They become more mindful of their triggers and more intentional in their interactions. This leads to healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

To incorporate this habit into your life, set aside a few minutes each evening for quiet reflection. Ask yourself questions like, “What did I do well today?” and “What could I have handled better?”

Trust me, you’ll start to see patterns in your behavior and develop strategies to improve. This will not only enhance your emotional intelligence but also bring a sense of clarity and purpose to your life.

3) You practice gratitude regularly

Gratitude isn’t just a trendy buzzword; it’s a powerful practice that significantly boosts emotional intelligence. When you regularly take the time to appreciate the good in your life, you’re not only enhancing your own well-being but also fostering stronger connections with others.

The Stoics understood the immense value of gratitude long before modern science confirmed its benefits.

Marcus Aurelius, in particular, emphasized the importance of recognizing and appreciating what we have: “Do not think of what are absent as though they were not existing, but ponder on the most fortunate of what you have got, and on account of them remind yourself how they would have been missed, if they had not been here.”

In my work, I’ve seen firsthand how practicing gratitude can transform relationships. When you focus on the positive aspects of your life and the people in it, you cultivate a more optimistic and compassionate outlook. This, in turn, helps you navigate challenges with greater resilience and empathy.

To make gratitude a daily habit, start by jotting down three things you’re grateful for each morning. They can be as simple as a warm cup of coffee, a sunny day, or a kind word from a friend. This small practice sets a positive tone for the day and helps you maintain a sense of contentment and humility.

Additionally, don’t forget to express your gratitude to others. Let the people in your life know how much you appreciate them. A heartfelt “thank you” can go a long way in strengthening your relationships and spreading positivity.

4) You remain calm under pressure

Have you ever found yourself in a stressful situation and managed to stay calm while everyone else was losing their cool?

If so, that’s a clear sign of emotional intelligence, and it’s a trait the Stoics highly valued.

Stoicism teaches us that maintaining composure, especially under pressure, is essential for a balanced and fulfilling life. Seneca, one of the great Stoic philosophers, emphasized the importance of keeping our emotions in check: “Anger is unwarrantable as it is unjust: for it falls many times upon the wrong person, and discharges itself upon the innocent instead of the guilty” (Seneca’s Morals, 1882)

It should come as no surprise that the ability to remain calm can significantly improve communication and problem-solving in relationships. When you stay composed, you’re better able to listen, understand, and respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively.

Here are a few tips to help you stay calm under pressure that I often use with my clients:

Pause and Breathe: When you feel stress rising, take a moment to breathe deeply. This simple act can help center your thoughts and reduce anxiety.
Focus on What You Can Control: Identify the aspects of the situation that you can influence and concentrate your efforts there, letting go of what’s beyond your control.
Reframe the Situation: View challenges as opportunities for growth. Consider how overcoming the obstacle can build your resilience and strength.

By practicing these techniques, you’ll find it easier to stay calm and collected, no matter what life throws your way. This not only enhances your emotional intelligence but also makes you a pillar of support for those around you.

5) You empathize with others

“Another does wrong. What is that to me? Let him look to it; he has his own disposition, his own activity.” – Marcus Aurelius (The Meditations of the Emperor Marcus Antoninus, 1944)

Empathy is a cornerstone of emotional intelligence, and it’s something the Stoics deeply understood. Being able to put yourself in someone else’s shoes, to see the world from their perspective, is a powerful tool for building strong, meaningful relationships.

Practicing empathy involves:

Active Listening: Give your full attention to the person speaking. Listen not just to their words but also to their emotions and body language. This shows that you genuinely care about their feelings.
Open-Mindedness: Approach conversations without preconceived notions or judgments. Be open to understanding their perspective, even if it differs from your own.
Compassionate Responses: Respond with kindness and understanding. Simple affirmations like “I understand how you feel” or “That sounds really tough” can make a big difference.

Incorporating empathy into your daily interactions will not only enhance your emotional intelligence but also deepen your connections with those around you.

6) You focus on the present moment

So often, we find ourselves caught up in the regrets of the past or the anxieties of the future, neglecting the only time that truly exists—the now.

Living in the present moment, on the other hand, is a hallmark of emotional intelligence and a fundamental principle of Stoicism.

When you focus on the here and now, you’re more attentive, engaged, and able to appreciate the small joys in life. This mindfulness not only reduces stress but also enhances your ability to connect deeply with others.

Here are some practical ways to cultivate present-moment awareness:

Mindful Breathing: Take a few moments each day to focus on your breath. This simple practice can ground you and bring your attention back to the present.
Single-Tasking: Instead of multitasking, give your full attention to one task at a time. This improves your focus and allows you to perform each task more effectively.
Gratitude Journaling: Write down a few things you’re grateful for each day. Reflecting on positive aspects of your current life helps anchor you in the present.

Incorporating these practices into your daily routine can significantly enhance your emotional intelligence. You’ll find yourself more resilient, content, and capable of handling whatever comes your way.

So, let go of past regrets and future worries, and immerse yourself in the beauty of the present moment. It’s a simple yet profound shift that can lead to a more fulfilling and emotionally intelligent life.

7) You seek continuous improvement

Last but definitely not least, a key sign of emotional intelligence is your commitment to continuous improvement.

The Stoics were all about striving to be the best version of themselves, and this philosophy can significantly enhance your emotional intelligence as well.

Seneca once said, “No man can live a happy life, or even a supportable life, without the study of wisdom.” (Moral letters to Lucilius/Letter 16)

This belief in lifelong learning and self-betterment is crucial for developing emotional intelligence. It’s about recognizing that there is always room to grow and improve, and taking active steps to do so.

By adopting this principle, you’re not only enhancing your emotional intelligence but also paving the way for a more fulfilled and meaningful life.

Keep striving, keep growing, and remember that every day is an opportunity to be a little better than you were yesterday.

Final words

There you have it—seven signs that you’re more emotionally intelligent than you might have realized, all inspired by the timeless wisdom of Stoicism.

By embracing these principles, you can navigate life’s challenges with greater ease, build stronger relationships, and find a deeper sense of peace and purpose.

Now, I’d love to hear from you! Share your own experiences and thoughts in the comments below. Do you incorporate these Stoic practices into your daily life?

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Stay strong, keep growing.