It’s a sneaky thing, self-esteem. It hides in the shadows, pulling strings and shaping how we interact with the world, often without us even realizing it.
Sometimes, we get so caught up in our thoughts and actions that we fail to see how they’re directly linked to our self-worth. We end up doing things unknowingly that scream, “Hey, I lack self-esteem”, but we’re too blind to see it.
As a relationship expert, I’ve seen countless clients display this pattern. And I’m not pointing fingers here—I’ve been there too. It’s a common human experience.
But how do we spot it?
Well, there are signs. Here are seven things you might be doing without realizing they’re rooted in low self-esteem.
1) Constantly apologizing
Constantly apologizing is a classic sign of low self-esteem. It often stems from a deep-seated fear of offending others or being perceived negatively.
You might think that by saying sorry, you’re being polite and considerate. But what you’re really doing is reinforcing the belief that you’re at fault, even when you’re not.
This constant need for approval and fear of disapproval can be draining, both for you and the people around you. It’s a habit that subtly erodes your self-worth over time.
Recognizing this pattern is the first step towards breaking free from it. So, next time you find yourself ready to apologize for something that isn’t your fault, pause. Consider whether an apology is really necessary or if it’s just your low self-esteem talking.
2) Shying away from compliments
When someone compliments you, they’re acknowledging something positive about you. But if your self-esteem is low, you might find it hard to believe that you’re worthy of such praise. So, instead of accepting the compliment graciously, you deflect it.
You might say things like, “Oh, it was nothing” or “I just got lucky.” In doing so, you’re dismissing your abilities and accomplishments.
It’s counterintuitive, right? You’d think that someone with low self-esteem would crave validation and soak up compliments like a sponge. But often, the opposite is true.
3) Seeking constant reassurance
Are you someone who often finds themselves asking others for their opinions or approval before making decisions?
This need for constant reassurance can stem from the fear of making the wrong choice or disappointing others. It’s as if you don’t trust your own judgment and need others to validate your decisions.
In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I delve into this issue and provide strategies to build self-trust and independence. But let’s not digress too much.
The point is, if you’re always seeking assurance from others, you might be unknowingly signaling a lack of self-esteem. It’s important to recognize this behavior and start developing trust in your own abilities and judgments. You’re probably more capable than you give yourself credit for!
4) Neglecting self-care
Let’s get something clear about self-care. It’s not just bubble baths and face masks—it’s about taking care of your physical, emotional, and mental health.
I remember a time when I would work late into the night, skipping meals, and ignoring my own needs. It took me a while to realize that I was putting myself last because I didn’t value myself enough.
But as Audrey Hepburn once wisely said, “As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.”
Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish—it’s necessary.
5) Overcompensating with perfectionism
Perfectionism can be a double-edged sword.
On one hand, it can drive you to strive for excellence. On the other, it can be a sign of low self-esteem.
Overcompensating with perfectionism is when you feel like nothing you do is ever good enough. You might find yourself spending hours on a task that should’ve taken minutes, obsessively fine-tuning details to make everything ‘perfect.’
I used to fall into this trap myself. I thought if everything I did was flawless, then people would value and respect me more.
But the truth is, perfectionism can often lead to procrastination and burnout and, worst of all, lower your self-esteem further.
6) Avoiding confrontation at all costs
This is a big one.
Confrontation is uncomfortable, no doubt about it. But if you find yourself going out of your way to avoid it, even when it means not standing up for yourself or expressing your feelings, it’s a red flag.
You might think that by avoiding conflict, you’re maintaining peace. But what you’re really doing is suppressing your feelings and needs.
Standing up for yourself doesn’t mean you’re being difficult—it means you value your feelings and needs.
7) Sabotaging your success
It might sound crazy, but it’s more common than you’d think. People with low self-esteem often sabotage their own success because, deep down, they don’t believe they deserve it.
Maybe you’ve worked hard and achieved something great, but instead of celebrating, you start to feel anxious. You might even find ways to undermine what you’ve accomplished, believing it was just luck or that you’re a fraud. Sound familiar?
It’s like driving with one foot on the gas and the other on the brake. It’s exhausting, frustrating, and gets you nowhere.
You deserve success. You’re worthy of your achievements. And it’s okay to feel proud of them.
Breaking the cycle of self-sabotage is hard, but recognizing it is the first step towards change. So, next time you catch yourself undermining your success, take a moment to pause, reflect, and remind yourself that you are deserving.
Final Thoughts
It’s easy to overlook the subtle signs of low self-esteem. But by recognizing these signs, you’re already taking the first step toward change.
Remember, it’s not about striving for perfection or completely eradicating these habits overnight. It’s about understanding yourself better and making small but meaningful changes to uplift your spirit and boost your self-worth.
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