Anger. We all experience it.
Maybe it’s that guy who cut you off on the commute or that snide remark from a colleague. It bubbles up, and then what?
If you’re like I used to be, it can ruin your whole day. But what if I told you there’s a different way to navigate these angry waters?
There is.
Stoicism, an ancient philosophy, could just have the answers to managing your anger.
Today, I’m going to share seven Stoic strategies that could help you deal with your anger more effectively.
They’ve helped me. They could help you too.
Ready to explore?
01 Embrace acceptance
Anger often stems from resistance to what is happening in our lives.
I used to rage against traffic, resent unexpected changes in my schedule, and seethe at perceived slights from others. It clouded my mind and spoiled many a good day.
One primary teaching of Stoicism is acceptance – recognizing that much of what happens in life is beyond our control. This wisdom is beautifully encapsulated in the quote by Epictetus;
“Ask not that events should happen as you will, but let your will be that events should happen as they do, and you shall have peace.” (The Discourses of Epictetus , 1916)
So, I started practicing acceptance.
When something irked me, I would take a deep breath and remind myself that it was out of my control. Instead of reacting impulsively, I chose to respond thoughtfully.
It wasn’t easy. Old habits die hard. But persisting through this practice made me realize that most of my anger was self-inflicted, a result of my resistance to reality.
Practicing acceptance has been transformative for me, and it might be for you, too.
02 Understand the power of perspective
Remember when I told you about my anger issues? Well, one incident stands out.
I had a colleague who was always late for meetings. It irritated me to no end. I would fume silently, my anger mounting with each passing minute.
Then, I stumbled upon a quote by Epictetus:
“What disturbs men’s minds is not events but their judgements on events.” (The Discourses of Epictetus , 1916)
It made me pause. Was it really my colleague’s tardiness that was causing my anger, or was it my perspective on his tardiness?
I decided to change the way I viewed the situation. Instead of seeing it as a sign of disrespect, I thought about how I could use that waiting time productively. I started bringing a book to meetings or used that time to clear my inbox.
This shift in perspective didn’t change the fact that my colleague was still often late, but it did change how I reacted to it. My anger subsided, replaced by tranquility and even productivity.
Shifting your perspective might not be easy, but it’s worth a try. Here are some tips that worked for me:
- Identify triggers: Pay attention to what makes you angry and try to understand why.
- Change your narrative: Instead of focusing on how something is negative, reframe it as an opportunity.
- Practice empathy: Try seeing things from the other person’s point of view.
- Remember the quote: Keep Epictetus’s wisdom in mind whenever you find yourself getting angry. It can serve as a helpful reminder that our perspective often shapes our emotions.
03 Practice the power of pause
In the middle of a heated moment, it’s easy to react impulsively. I’ve been there, and it’s landed me in more trouble than I care to admit.
Seneca’s wisdom came to my rescue, however. He tells us:
“Anger is unwarrantable as it is unjust: for it falls many times upon the wrong person, and discharges itself upon the innocent instead of the guilty” (Seneca’s Morals, 1882)
This simple sentiment encourages me to take a moment before reacting.
So, the next time I felt anger rising, I took a deep breath, paused, and thought of this. I stepped away from the situation, took some time to calm down, and only then did I respond. This pause gave me the time to process my emotions and respond in a way that was more constructive and less destructive.
This practice of pausing before reacting has been a game-changer for me. It has not only reduced my anger outbursts but has also improved my relationships and overall well-being.
04 Embrace the impermanence of things
How often do we get angry because we clutch tightly to our expectations, desires, and fears?
I used to…much too often. I held onto things too tightly, and when they didn’t go my way, anger ensued.
Then, Marcus Aurelius’s words resonated with me:
“There is a kind of river of things passing into being, and Time is a violent torrent. For no sooner is each seen, than it has been carried away and another is being carried by, and that, too, will be carried away.” (The Meditations of the Emperor Marcus Antoninus, 1944)
This Stoic insight taught me the impermanence of everything. Things change. People change. Situations change. Like a river’s flow, nothing stays the same.
By embracing this impermanence, I started letting go of my rigid expectations. I understood that anger was just a temporary flare-up that would pass. It helped me manage my anger better by reminding me that like everything else, this too shall pass.
05 Use anger as a guide
This one might surprise you.
One thing I have realized is that anger isn’t always a bad thing. In fact, it can be a useful indicator pointing towards underlying issues.
I used to suppress my anger, thinking it was a negative emotion I should get rid of. Maybe it was an injustice that needed to be addressed, or perhaps an expectation that was not met.
But based on inspiration from Stoic reflection, instead of dismissing my anger, I started using it as a guide, a compass pointing me towards the aspects of my life that needed attention.
By treating anger as a guide rather than an enemy, I was able to channel it into constructive action. This shift in perspective helped me manage my anger more effectively and led to personal growth.
06 Cultivate compassion
A lot of my anger used to stem from my inability to understand why people acted the way they did. Why would someone be rude for no reason? Why did people not respect my time?
Then I read this quote from Marcus Aurelius:
“When a man offends against you, think at once what conception of good or ill it was which made him offend. And seeing this, you will pity him, and feel neither surprise nor anger. ” (The Meditations of the Emperor Marcus Antoninus, 1944)
And it clicked. People act out of their own experiences, perspectives, and struggles. It’s not about me. It’s about them.
This realization allowed me to cultivate compassion. Instead of reacting with anger, I started responding with understanding and kindness. It didn’t mean that I tolerated bad behavior, but it helped me deal with it in a less reactive and more empathetic way.
Cultivating compassion may seem difficult, but here are some steps that may help:
- Practice empathy: Try stepping into someone else’s shoes and understanding their perspective.
- Show kindness: Even when someone upsets you, respond with kindness. It can disarm their negativity.
- Reflect on Marcus Aurelius’s quote: Remember his words when dealing with difficult people or situations.
07 Regain your autonomy
Anger can feel overpowering, almost as if it takes control of our actions and thoughts. But Stoic wisdom teaches us that we have the power to regain control and not let external events dictate our inner state.
I used to let rude comments or frustrating encounters dominate my thoughts and emotions. But when I internalized wisdom from the Stoics, I realized that the key to freedom lay in my own hands.
I began practicing detachment from others’ actions and opinions. Instead of reacting to provocations, I chose to maintain my composure and focus on what I could control—my own responses.
Here are a few steps that helped me regain my autonomy and could help you too:
- Recognize triggers: Identify the situations or people that frequently provoke your anger. Awareness is the first step to reclaiming control.
- Practice detachment: Remind yourself that external events do not have the power to disturb you unless you allow them to. Focus on maintaining your inner calm.
- Redirect your focus: Shift your attention from the source of irritation to something positive or constructive. This could be a hobby, a task, or simply taking a few deep breaths.
- Reaffirm your values: Keep in mind what truly matters to you. Align your actions with your values, rather than reacting impulsively to others’ behavior.
By regaining your autonomy, you not only manage your anger more effectively but also reinforce your sense of inner strength and resilience. Remember, the power to remain unperturbed lies within you, and by exercising this power, you become the master of your own emotions.
Final thoughts
These seven strategies have helped me understand and manage my anger in a more constructive way, and they could do the same for you.
Start small. Pick one or two strategies that resonate with you and try implementing them in your life. It might be challenging at first, but remember, change takes time.
Don’t beat yourself up if you don’t get it right the first time.
Stoicism (and life) isn’t about perfection. It’s about consistent effort and growth. It’s about learning to navigate our emotions and becoming better versions of ourselves.
So, take a step forward, embrace the wisdom of Stoicism, and let it guide you towards a calmer, less angry life.
What would Marcus Aurelius say?
Unsure what to do next in your career? Struggling to move on from a failed relationship? Searching for more meaning in life?
Marcus Aurelius can tell you how to face your challenges in a more Stoic way.
Simply ask your question, and Marcus Aurelius will answer.
