There’s a world of difference between reacting to insults and responding to them, just like there’s a gap between being a victim and a Stoic.
Reacting to an insult is an impulsive act, often leading to regret. It’s like being a puppet on strings, controlled by the insulter.
Responding like a Stoic, however, is about making a conscious choice. It’s deciding not to let someone else’s words dictate your emotions or actions.
In this article, I’m going to share seven ways to respond to insults that will help you respond like a true Stoic. These strategies will help you maintain your dignity and peace of mind no matter what anyone says about you.
1) Pause and reflect
The first step to responding to insults like a true Stoic is mastering the art of the pause.
In the heat of the moment, it’s easy to react impulsively to an insult. Your emotions are running high, and it’s tempting to let your anger or upset dictate your response. But that’s not the Stoic way.
Instead, take a moment to pause and reflect before you respond.
This pause allows you to step back from the situation, evaluate what’s been said, and decide on the best course of action. It gives you a chance to take control of your emotions, rather than letting them control you.
In essence, it’s about making a conscious decision not to let someone else’s words dictate your actions or feelings. Remember, you have the power to choose how you respond, and that response can be calm and composed, no matter how cutting the insult.
2) Don’t take it personally
“When a man offends against you, think at once what conception of good or ill it was which made him offend. And seeing this, you will pity him, and feel neither surprise nor anger.” — Marcus Aurelius (The Meditations of the Emperor Marcus Antoninus, 1944)
When faced with an insult, it’s easy to internalize negative comments and let them affect your self-worth.
However, the Stoic approach teaches us to detach from the insult and recognize that it reflects more about the insulter than the insulted. Consider the source and remember that their words are a reflection of their own issues, biases, and insecurities.
Focus on your response and maintain your composure and integrity, rather than reacting emotionally.
3) Focus on what you can control
“External things are not in my power, my will is my own. Where am I to seek what is good and what is evil? Within me” – Epictetus (The Discourses of Epictetus, 1916)
The Stoics believed that we should focus on what we can control – our own actions and responses – and let go of what we cannot – other people’s words and actions.
When someone hurls an insult your way, it’s their action, not yours. You can’t control what they say or do, only your reaction to it.
The Stoics also held that the only things truly good or bad are our own actions. External events or other people’s words don’t have the power to be good or bad unless we give them that power.
So, next time you’re insulted, embrace indifference. Remember that you can’t control the insult, but you can control your response.
4) Practice empathy
“See that you do not feel to the inhuman what they feel to mankind” -Marcus Aurelius (The Meditations of the Emperor Marcus Antoninus, 1944)
When someone insults you, it’s easy to get defensive or angry. But taking a step back and trying to understand where they are coming from can change your perspective.
Maybe they’re having a bad day. Maybe they’re dealing with personal issues. Or perhaps they simply don’t realize the impact of their words.
By practicing empathy, we not only maintain our own composure but also potentially help the other person. Responding with understanding instead of anger can defuse the situation and even lead to a meaningful conversation.
So next time you’re on the receiving end of an insult, try to empathize with the person who said it. It might not change what they’ve said, but it can definitely change how you respond.
5) Reframe the situation
I’ll be honest, I’ve had my fair share of moments where an insult has knocked me off my feet. I remember one time, a close friend said something hurtful to me. It stung, and for a moment, it seemed like my world had been upended.
But then I remembered a stoic principle – the power of reframing.
Reframing is about changing your perspective on a situation. Instead of viewing the insult as a personal attack, I started seeing it as an opportunity to grow and learn.
I asked myself, “Is there any truth to what they said? Is there something I can learn from this?” Instead of letting the insult consume me, I used it as a stepping stone towards self-improvement.
Reframing might not make the insult hurt any less, but it does give you a way to positively move forward. Turn it into an opportunity for growth and learning, and you’ll come out stronger on the other side.
6) Remember your values
“Whatever anyone may do or say, I am bound to be good” – Marcus Aurelius (The Meditations of the Emperor Marcus Antoninus, 1944)
In the face of an insult, it’s easy to forget who you are and what you stand for. But as a stoic, it’s crucial to remember your values during these moments.
Your values define you, not the words of others. And if you stay true to these values, no insult can truly harm you.
For instance, if kindness is one of your core values, then an insult can be an opportunity to demonstrate that kindness. Instead of lashing back, you respond with compassion.
If integrity is a value you hold dear, then an insult is a chance to show that integrity by not stooping to the level of the insulter.
By remembering your values, you maintain your dignity and self-respect. You show that you’re bigger than any insult thrown your way.
7) Choose your battles wisely
“You can be invincible, if you never enter into a contest where victory is not in your power.” – Epictetus (The Discourses of Epictetus ,1916)
The most essential lesson in responding to insults like a Stoic is knowing when to engage and when to walk away. Not every insult requires a response, and sometimes, silence is the best reply.
Choosing your battles means recognizing that some people insult others due to their own issues, and responding to them might only fuel their negativity. In such cases, walking away can be a powerful response.
Your peace of mind and mental health are paramount. If engaging with an insult threatens these, it’s perfectly okay to disengage and protect your well-being.
Final thoughts: The power of choice
At the heart of responding to insults like a true Stoic lies a profound principle: the power of choice.
When someone hurls an insult your way, they are attempting to destabilize your emotional equilibrium. However, whether they succeed or not is ultimately up to you.
As Epictetus, a prominent Stoic philosopher once said, “It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.” This simple yet profound wisdom encapsulates the essence of Stoicism and the art of responding to insults.
It’s important to remember that your response to an insult is a reflection of your character, not the insulter’s. By choosing to respond with grace, compassion, and composure, you’re not just rising above the insult; you’re demonstrating the strength of your character.
So, next time you encounter an insult, remember that you always have a choice. How you respond can either empower you or disempower you. Choose wisely.
What would Marcus Aurelius say?
Unsure what to do next in your career? Struggling to move on from a failed relationship? Searching for more meaning in life?
Marcus Aurelius can tell you how to face your challenges in a more Stoic way.
Simply ask your question, and Marcus Aurelius will answer.
