There’s a fine line between being observant and being able to truly read people.
This distinction lies in understanding. Just observing someone doesn’t necessarily mean you understand their thoughts or intentions.
However, people who’ve mastered the art of reading others have refined their ability to perceive and interpret the subtle signs that reveal a person’s true feelings and motives.
The principles of stoicism can guide us to better understand the people around us.
Today, we get into 8 stoic habits that can turn you into a master of reading others.
Let’s dive in.
1) Observing more, talking less
As the stoic philosopher Epictetus once said, “We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.”
Masters of reading others know that observation is the key.
This doesn’t mean just watching someone. It’s about perceiving their body language, their tone of voice, their facial expressions.
Stoics practice this by learning to be comfortable with silence, using it as an opportunity to observe and understand rather than feeling the need to fill it with chatter.
2) Detachment and objectivity
“See facts as they really are, distinguishing their matter, cause, relation.” – Marcus Aurelius
It’s easy to get swept up in other people’s emotions. But I’ve found that if you want to truly understand someone, you need to stay detached and objective.
For instance, in a heated argument with a close friend, I once felt myself getting too emotionally involved. I was reacting rather than responding, letting my emotions cloud my judgment.
Remembering my stoic principles, I took a step back. I detached myself emotionally and tried to see the situation objectively.
And voila! The situation was clearer. I could understand my friend’s perspective better, and we were able to resolve our disagreement amicably.
Stoics understand that emotions can blur our perception.
It’s a delicate balance but try to cultivate the habit of seeing things as they are, not only as your emotions color them. This will let you read others with greater clarity and accuracy.
3) Understanding and accepting human nature
Did you know that Marcus Aurelius, one of the most well-known Stoic philosophers, was also a Roman Emperor?
He wrote a series of personal reflections known as Meditations, in which he often discussed the importance of understanding human nature. He wrote:
“When a man offends against you, think at once what conception of good or ill it was which made him offend. And seeing this, you will pity him, and feel neither surprise nor anger.”
Stoicism is all about understanding and accepting the realities of life, and human nature is one of them.
People who are adept at reading others have a deep understanding of human nature.
In understanding human nature, we can predict reactions, comprehend actions, and ultimately read people more effectively. Accepting that people are driven by their own perceptions and experiences allows us to see beyond surface-level behaviors.
4) Cultivating empathy
This is a big one.
Empathy is key to reading others. It’s about seeing the world from their perspective, feeling what they feel.
Stoics strongly advocate for developing empathy. It’s about understanding that everyone is fighting their own battles, and this understanding can foster deeper connections with others.
As Marcus Aurelius told himself “Habituate yourself not to be attentive to what another has to say, and so far as possible be in the mind of the speaker”.
Empathy allows us to comprehend why people behave the way they do. This understanding can help us predict their actions and reactions, making us more adept at reading them.
5) Practicing self-control
In the midst of heated debates or emotional situations, it can be challenging to stay calm and composed. But it is precisely in these moments that self-control becomes essential.
Stoics believe in maintaining a tranquil mind, regardless of external circumstances. This tranquility allows us to stay clear-headed, enabling us to read people accurately even in emotionally charged situations.
As Seneca noted, for instance, “Anger is unwarrantable as it is unjust: for it falls many times upon the wrong person, and discharges itself upon the innocent instead of the guilty”
The practice of self-control, especially during difficult times, not only polishes our character but also enhances our understanding of others.
Remember, a tranquil mind can read others with clarity. So, embrace the stoic habit of practicing self-control. It’s a heartfelt commitment to your personal growth and to understanding those around you.
6) Embracing humility
In my early career, I had a tendency to think I knew it all. It was a barrier that stopped me from truly understanding others.
Stoicism taught me the value of humility. Acknowledging that we don’t have all the answers opens us up to learn from others. It allows us to see their perspectives, enhancing our ability to read them accurately.
When I started embracing humility, I found that people opened up to me more. I was able to see beyond the surface, understanding their concerns and motivations better.
Humility is a stoic habit that not only makes us wiser but also more adept at reading others. It’s about acknowledging our limitations and being open to learning from everyone around us.
7) Living in the present
The ability to live in the present moment is a significant tenet of stoicism. It’s about focusing on the here and now rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future.
People who are masters at reading others understand the importance of being present. By focusing on the current conversation or situation, they are able to pick up on subtle cues and nuances that might otherwise be missed.
Living in the present allows us to truly engage with others, understanding their feelings and intentions in real-time. It’s a stoic habit that can greatly enhance our ability to read people, fostering deeper and more meaningful connections.
8) Lifelong learning
The art of reading others is not a skill that can be mastered overnight. It’s a continual process of learning and growth.
Stoics understand the value of lifelong learning. They know that every interaction is an opportunity to learn something new about human nature.
The most important thing to remember is this: Stay curious. Keep learning. Embrace every opportunity to understand others better. This stoic habit of lifelong learning is your key to mastering the art of reading people.
Final words
The Stoic habits we’ve explored, from observing more to embracing humility, are the tools to help you understand others better. But remember, these are not quick fixes.
Like any art, reading others requires practice and patience.
So, don’t rush the process. Practice these stoic habits consistently and with sincerity. With time, you’ll find yourself becoming more adept at understanding people’s emotions, intentions, and actions.
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Until next time, stay Stoic.
What would Marcus Aurelius say?
Unsure what to do next in your career? Struggling to move on from a failed relationship? Searching for more meaning in life?
Marcus Aurelius can tell you how to face your challenges in a more Stoic way.
Simply ask your question, and Marcus Aurelius will answer.
