Understanding people and managing tense situations is a significant part of my job as a relationship expert.
Often, it comes down to responding in a calm and controlled manner. Stoicism, an ancient philosophy, teaches us just that – to maintain our composure, irrespective of the situation.
Stoic responses can help to diffuse tension, promoting open conversation and fostering better understanding. And trust me, I’ve seen this work magic in relationships at the brink of breaking.
So, I’d love to share with you eight Stoic responses that have helped me, and will surely help you too, navigate through tense situations.
Trust me, these are real game-changers.
1) Keep calm and carry on
When we find ourselves in the midst of a conflict, it’s all too easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment.
As a relationship expert, I’ve seen how intense emotions can lead to unproductive reactions and escalated tensions.
Here’s where Stoicism comes into play.
Stoicism teaches us to embrace tranquility and resist the pull of passion-fueled responses. It reminds us that we can’t control everything, but we can control our reactions.
The first Stoic response to defuse a tense situation is to remain calm. By doing so, you’re able to think clearly, express your thoughts rationally, and avoid adding fuel to the fire.
The best part? Calmness is contagious. When you’re calm, you encourage others to do the same. It’s a simple yet powerful tool for managing conflict.
Give it a try next time things get heated. You’ll be surprised at the difference it makes!
2) Detach and observe
One of the most empowering lessons I’ve learned in my journey as a relationship expert is the ability to detach and observe.
When tensions are high, we often get so wrapped up in our own perspective that we forget to consider the other person’s viewpoint.
Stoicism encourages us to step back and observe the situation from a neutral standpoint. This means putting our emotions and biases aside, and seeing things as they really are.
Next time you’re in a tense situation, take a moment to detach yourself from the emotions and observe. It’s not easy, but with practice, it becomes second nature and a powerful tool for defusing tension.
3) Control what you can
As human beings, we love to be in control, don’t we?
But life has taught me, and Stoicism reinforces this, that there are things we simply cannot control.
In tense situations, we often exert our energy trying to change the other person’s behavior or perspective. But here’s the thing – we can’t. The only thing we have control over is ourselves – our actions, reactions, and attitudes.
In my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I delve into this concept extensively. I explain how freeing it is to let go of trying to control others and instead focus on what you can control – yourself.
But for now, just try to control what you can. Let go of the rest. It’s a more productive use of your energy and aids in resolving conflicts more effectively.
4) Embrace the discomfort
Here’s a Stoic response that may seem counterintuitive: Embrace the discomfort.
Yes, you read that right.
In tense situations, our instinct is to get as far away from the discomfort as possible. We want to resolve the conflict quickly, often rushing to find a solution without fully understanding the problem.
But Stoicism teaches us that there’s value in discomfort. It’s in these moments that we learn, grow, and develop resilience.
Instead of trying to escape or avoid the tension, embrace it. Sit with it. Understand it. Use it as an opportunity to learn about yourself, the other person, and the situation at hand.
While it may be uncomfortable in the short term, the long-term benefits are immeasurable. You’ll find that this approach can lead to more thoughtful resolutions and a deeper understanding of one another.
5) Reflect before you react
I’ve always believed in the power of reflection, and Stoicism confirms my belief.
In tense situations, our immediate reaction is typically a product of our emotions. And let’s be honest, these emotions can sometimes lead us astray.
Before reacting, Stoicism encourages us to take a moment to reflect. Ask yourself why you’re feeling the way you are and whether your initial reaction will contribute positively to the situation.
Over the years, I’ve found this Stoic response particularly helpful in my personal life as well as in my role as a relationship expert. It’s made my responses more thoughtful and has often prevented situations from escalating.
6) Accept your mistakes
Now, this is a tough one. Nobody likes to admit they’re wrong, do they? I know I don’t.
But here’s the raw and honest truth: we all make mistakes.
Stoicism teaches us to accept our mistakes, not as failures, but as opportunities for growth. It’s about recognizing that we’re human, and humans are fallible.
In tense situations, admitting your mistakes can be incredibly powerful. It shows humility, integrity, and a willingness to learn and improve. More often than not, it also encourages the other person to do the same.
So yes, it’s hard. And yes, it’s uncomfortable. But you’ll be amazed at how this simple act of honesty can defuse tension and pave the way for resolution.
7) Practice empathy
I’ve always loved the quote attributed to Plato, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” This resonates deeply with the Stoic principle of practicing empathy.
In tense situations, it’s easy to become so focused on our own feelings that we forget to consider the other person’s perspective. However, understanding and acknowledging their feelings is crucial to defusing the tension.
Empathy doesn’t mean you have to agree with the other person. It simply means understanding their emotions and letting them know they’re heard.
Throughout my career and personal life, I’ve found empathy to be one of the most powerful tools for resolving conflicts. It helps build bridges and fosters mutual respect.
In your next tense situation, take a moment to practice it. It might not solve everything immediately, but it will certainly help to defuse the tension.
8) Let go of the need to be right
Here comes the final, yet perhaps the most difficult Stoic response: Letting go of the need to be right.
It’s a bitter pill to swallow, but here’s the raw truth: Sometimes, we hold on to our viewpoint so tightly that we lose sight of what’s truly important – resolving the issue at hand.
It’s not about winning an argument; it’s about finding a resolution that works for everyone involved.
It’s okay to disagree and have different viewpoints. What’s not okay is letting this need to be right escalate the tension and hinder resolution.
Take a step back. Ask yourself, “Is being right more important than resolving this conflict?”
The answer might surprise you.
Conclusion
Conflicts are part and parcel of life. How we choose to respond to them can make all the difference.
Navigating through tense situations can be challenging, but with these Stoic responses, you have a roadmap to guide you. It’s about maintaining calm, practicing empathy, and letting go of the need to be right.
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Until next time, stay Strong.
What would Marcus Aurelius say?
Unsure what to do next in your career? Struggling to move on from a failed relationship? Searching for more meaning in life?
Marcus Aurelius can tell you how to face your challenges in a more Stoic way.
Simply ask your question, and Marcus Aurelius will answer.
