8 things real Stoics never do in social situations

Ever found yourself caught in a social situation feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or even a bit lost?

Social interactions can be a minefield of emotions, expectations, and pressures. But what if I told you there’s a way to navigate these waters with grace, calm, and a steady mind?

Enter Stoicism, an ancient philosophy that’s all about maintaining inner peace and rationality no matter the external chaos.

Today, we dive into the world of Stoicism and uncover eight things real Stoics never do in social situations. 

1) Lose their cool

Anger is unwarrantable as it is unjust: for it falls many times upon the wrong person, and discharges itself upon the innocent instead of the guilty” – Seneca (Seneca’s Morals, 1882)

One of the most fundamental principles of Stoicism is learning to control your emotions, especially in challenging situations.

When in a social setting, it’s easy to get ruffled by a casual comment or a heated debate. However, a true Stoic never loses their cool. They maintain their composure, regardless of the circumstance.

Whether they’re faced with criticism, confrontation, or outright rudeness, stoics respond with calm and rationality.

They understand that they cannot control others’ actions or words but can control their reactions. 

2) Speak without thinking

Real stoics are masters of thoughtful communication. They understand the power of words and always take a moment to think before they speak.

An example that comes to mind is my good friend, Alex, who’s an ardent follower of Stoicism.

At a recent social gathering, a controversy erupted over a political issue. People were speaking passionately, and at times, thoughtlessly. In the midst of the heated debate, Alex remained silent, listening intently to everyone. When he finally spoke, his words were measured and thoughtful, bringing a sense of calm to the room.

Alex’s behavior was a classic example of Stoic behavior – avoiding impulsive reactions and choosing words wisely. This ensures that communication is effective and respectful, even in contentious situations.

When in doubt, pause, think, and then speak. Your future self will thank you for it.

3) Obsess about what others think of them

“How great a rest from labour he gains who does not look to what his neighbour says or does or thinks but only what himeslf is doing” – Marcus Aurelius (The Meditations of the Emperor Marcus Antoninus, 1944)

True Stoics don’t lose sleep over what others think of them. They understand that people’s opinions are subjective and based on their own perceptions, biases, and experiences.

Stoics focus on their own actions and behaviors rather than trying to control or influence others’ opinions. They believe in living according to their principles and values, irrespective of societal judgments or expectations.

This doesn’t mean they disregard constructive criticism or feedback. Instead, they accept it gracefully, learn from it if it’s useful, and let go of it if it’s not.

In essence, Stoics don’t give others the power to disturb their inner peace or dictate their self-worth.

Next time you find yourself worrying about what others might think, remind yourself to live by your standards and values, just like a true Stoic would.

4) Seek attention and approval

So let’s say you’re at a party. The music is loud, the room is buzzing with chatter, and there’s you, in the center of it all, telling a story.

Everyone’s laughing at your jokes, clapping at your anecdotes and you’re basking in the attention. It feels good, right? But here’s a question: If you were a Stoic, would you need this validation?

The answer is no. Stoics do not seek attention or approval from others to feel valuable or important. They derive their self-worth from within, guided by their own moral compass and personal values. They believe that true contentment comes from self-acceptance and inner peace, not external validation.

Stoics also understand that the need for approval can compromise one’s authenticity and integrity.

Hence, they avoid pandering to the crowd or altering their behavior to fit in or be liked. In other words, Stoics stay true to themselves, irrespective of the social scenario.

5) Engage in pointless arguments

Unsurprisingly, Stoics steer clear of unnecessary disputes or arguments. They believe in the power of rationality and logic over emotional reactions.

Stoics understand that not every disagreement needs to turn into a heated debate and not every opinion needs to be contested.

This doesn’t mean that Stoics avoid discussions or challenging ideas. Instead, they engage in productive conversations that promote learning and growth. They are open-minded and respectful of diverse perspectives, even when they disagree.

6) Boast about their achievements

If you wish to make progress, you must be content in external matters to seem a fool and a simpleton; do not wish men to think you know anything,” Epictetus (The Discourses of Epictetus, 1916)

When I was in college, I had a classmate named Ben. Ben was a top student, an athlete, and a musician. But you would never know any of this unless you got to know him personally. He was humble and never boasted about his achievements or tried to draw attention to himself.

I’m not sure if he knew it but Ben was practicing the Stoic principle of humility. Stoics believe that boasting or showing off one’s accomplishments is unnecessary and often comes from a place of insecurity or a need for validation. They understand that true worth is not determined by external achievements but by one’s character and virtues.

Instead of flaunting their success, Stoics prefer to let their actions speak for themselves. They find satisfaction in the knowledge of their accomplishments and personal growth, rather than the praise or recognition they receive from others.

7) Gossip

Gossiping is often driven by a desire to feel superior or a need to fit in with a group. But Stoics derive their self-worth from their own virtues and actions, not from comparing themselves to others or seeking approval from a crowd.

Furthermore, Stoics value truth and honesty. They know that gossip can often distort the truth and lead to misunderstandings. Instead of engaging in idle chatter about others, Stoics prefer meaningful conversations that contribute to their wisdom and understanding.

8) Judge others

It is illogical to reason thus, ‘I am richer than you, therefore I am superior to you’, ‘I am more eloquent than you, therefore I am superior to you.’ It is more logical to reason, ‘I am richer than you, therefore my property is superior to yours’, ‘I am more eloquent than you, therefore my speech is superior to yours.’ You are something more than property or speech.” – Epictetus (The Discourses of Epictetus , 1916)

Last but not least, let’s talk about judgement. Stoics firmly believe in the principle of not judging others. They understand and acknowledge that each individual is fighting their own battles, shaped by their unique experiences and perspectives.

Stoics refrain from making hasty judgements about people based on superficial criteria like appearance, social status, or first impressions. They believe that everyone has their own path to walk, and it’s not their place to judge someone else’s journey.

Instead of judging, Stoics focus on understanding and empathy. They try to see things from other people’s viewpoints and treat everyone with respect and kindness. They also recognize their own fallibility and understand that they too are works in progress.

So, the next time you find yourself quick to judge someone, pause and remember the Stoic way: Replace judgement with understanding, and treat everyone you meet with kindness and respect. After all, we’re all in this together.

The bottom line

Stoicism teaches us valuable lessons about maintaining our composure, thinking before speaking, disregarding the need for approval, avoiding pointless arguments, embracing humility, forgiving easily, ditching gossip, and refraining from judging others.

But remember, becoming a Stoic isn’t about perfection. It’s a journey of constant learning and self-improvement. So don’t worry if you’re not there yet – every step you take towards embracing these principles is a step towards a more peaceful and fulfilling life.

We would love to hear your thoughts on this philosophy. Have you tried applying any of these Stoic principles in your own life? How have they changed your social interactions? Feel free to share your experiences or thoughts in the comments below.

We’re all here to learn from each other!

What would Marcus Aurelius say?

Unsure what to do next in your career? Struggling to move on from a failed relationship? Searching for more meaning in life?

Marcus Aurelius can tell you how to face your challenges in a more Stoic way.

Simply ask your question, and Marcus Aurelius will answer.

Check it out here.

 

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