Building meaningful relationships is a crucial yet convoluted part of our human experience. We’re constantly in a dance with a diverse array of individuals – family, friends, colleagues, and even the occasional strangers.
But navigating this social labyrinth can often feel like trying to solve a Rubik’s cube blindfolded. So how do we manage this?
Well, the answer might just be tucked away in the ancient philosophy of Stoicism. It certainly helped me.
Today, we’ll explore some Stoic principles and how they can help us build strong relationships that endure and enrich our lives.
From mastering our emotional responses to fostering genuine empathy and respect for others, we’ll explore the practical wisdom of Stoic philosophers to help us improve our social interactions.
01 Control reactions
How do you typically respond when someone irritates or upsets you?
Stoicism teaches us that our reactions, rather than the actions of others, are within our control.
As Marcus Aurelius said, “If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.”
This principle is foundational in building strong relationships, as it helps us maintain our composure and respond rationally even in challenging situations.
Embracing this principle means that we should not let the actions of others dictate our emotional state. Instead, we should strive to understand why we react the way we do and seek to manage our reactions better.
This does not mean suppressing our emotions but rather acknowledging them and then choosing how we respond. After all, as Epictetus pointed out, “Any person capable of angering you becomes your master; he can anger you only when you permit yourself to be disturbed by him.”
By taking control of our reactions, we can prevent misunderstandings, reduce conflicts and contribute positively towards building stronger relationships.
02 Cultivate compassion
How often do we find ourselves quick to judge others without understanding their circumstances or perspectives?
Marcus Aurelius once said, “Whenever you are about to find fault with someone, ask yourself the following question: What fault of mine most nearly resembles the one I am about to criticize?”
Stoicism urges us to step into the shoes of others, and have compassion. This not only helps us to understand them better but also makes it easier for us to communicate effectively with them.
03 Listen more
Epictetus once said, “We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.” This underlines the importance of giving our full attention to others when they are speaking.
Active listening is not just about hearing the words; it involves understanding the message behind the words and showing empathy towards the speaker.
In our fast-paced world, we often find ourselves formulating responses while others are still speaking. This prevents us from fully understanding their perspective and can lead to miscommunication. However, by practicing active listening, we can improve our understanding and enhance our connections with others.
04 Accept and adapt to change
As Seneca wisely highlighted, “If you really want to escape the things that harass you, what you’re needing is not to be in a different place but to be a different person.”
Change is inevitable in life and in relationships. Friends move away, family dynamics shift, and professional relationships evolve. These changes can be challenging, but they are also opportunities for growth.
Adapting to change doesn’t mean forgetting old ways. Instead, it involves embracing new circumstances and finding ways to maintain and strengthen our relationships within them.
By accepting and adapting to changes in our relationships, we learn resilience and flexibility, qualities that help us nurture these relationships regardless of circumstances.
05 Practice genuine kindness
Perhaps the most surprising (for some) Stoic principle in building meaningful relationships is the practice of genuine kindness.
Marcus Aurelius teaches us:
“Kindness is unconquerable, so long as it is without flattery or hypocrisy. For what can the most insolent man do to you, if you contrive to be kind to him, and if you have the chance gently advise and calmly show him what is right…and point this out tactfully and from a universal perspective. But you must not do this with sarcasm or reproach, but lovingly and without anger in your soul.”
Kindness, when practiced sincerely, has the power to disarm hostility and foster trust. It transcends superficial pleasantries and connects us at a deeper human level.
By being kind without expecting anything in return or disguising our intentions with flattery, we build a foundation of authenticity in our relationships.
When we encounter difficult or rude individuals, responding with genuine kindness can transform the interaction. This doesn’t mean allowing ourselves to be mistreated, but rather addressing situations with calmness and understanding.
By calmly and lovingly guiding others towards better behavior without anger or sarcasm, we set an example and create an environment where respect and empathy can flourish.
06 Have integrity
Marcus Aurelius wrote, “If it is not right, do not do it; if it is not true, do not say it.”
Epictetus wisely advises, “Attach yourself to what is spiritually superior, regardless of what other people think or do. Hold to your true aspirations no matter what is going on around you.”
These highlight the importance of integrity and authenticity in our interactions.
And when we align our actions with our highest values, we create relationships built on honesty and mutual respect. This steadfastness not only strengthens our sense of self but also inspires others to respect and trust us.
Holding to our true aspirations means not compromising our principles to please others or conform to societal pressures. It involves making decisions that are in harmony with our inner values, even if they are unpopular or misunderstood.
This authenticity attracts like-minded individuals who appreciate and support our genuine selves, leading to deeper and more meaningful connections.
07 Don’t Blame
Blaming others for our difficulties or misfortunes can be a tempting way to deflect responsibility, but it is ultimately unproductive and harmful to our relationships. Assigning blame creates division and resentment, preventing us from addressing the root causes of our problems and finding constructive solutions.
As Epictetus said, “Small-minded people blame others. Average people blame themselves. The wise see all blame as foolishness.”
The Stoic approach is to rise above blame altogether. When conflicts arise in our relationships, instead of assigning blame, we should practice empathy and seek understanding.
This fosters a collaborative environment where all parties can work together towards resolution and growth. By avoiding blame, we nurture a culture of mutual respect and support, strengthening our bonds with others.
08 Strive for the greater good in your interactions
The final Stoic principle to consider in our quest for meaningful relationships is the pursuit of the greater good.
Marcus Aurelius reminds us, “That which is not good for the bee-hive, cannot be good for the bee.”
This quote underscores the interconnectedness of our individual actions and the collective well-being of our communities. In our interactions, it is essential to consider not just our own interests, but also the impact of our actions on others.
When we prioritize the collective well-being in our relationships, we cultivate a sense of shared purpose and unity. This approach fosters trust and cooperation, as others recognize our commitment to the common good. It also encourages us to act with integrity and fairness, ensuring that our actions contribute positively to the community.
Striving for the greater good involves practicing virtues such as justice, kindness, and respect in our interactions. It means making decisions that uphold these values, even when it is challenging or inconvenient. By doing so, we set an example for others and inspire them to act similarly, creating a ripple effect of positive behavior.
Moreover, considering the greater good helps us to rise above petty conflicts and self-interest. It reminds us that our relationships are part of a larger network of human connections, and that our actions have far-reaching consequences.
By keeping this perspective, we can navigate conflicts and challenges with a focus on resolution and mutual benefit.
The bottom line
Building strong relationships is no easy task, but the principles of Stoicism provide a valuable framework to guide us.
By understanding and controlling our reactions, cultivating compassion for others, embracing patience and tolerance, practicing active listening, accepting and adapting to change, and valuing our relationships, we can truly enrich our social interactions.
What do you think of these principles? Have any of these helped you?
We’d love to hear from you. Share your experiences or thoughts on applying Stoic principles to your relationships in the comments.
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Let’s embark on this journey of personal growth together.
What would Marcus Aurelius say?
Unsure what to do next in your career? Struggling to move on from a failed relationship? Searching for more meaning in life?
Marcus Aurelius can tell you how to face your challenges in a more Stoic way.
Simply ask your question, and Marcus Aurelius will answer.
