How to deal with insults the Stoic way

Have you ever found yourself seething after someone insulted you?

Perhaps it was a snide remark from a colleague, a thoughtless comment from a friend, or even a hurtful jab from a stranger online. Insults, whether big or small, have a way of unsettling us, leaving us angry, hurt, and often wondering how to respond.

What if there was a way to handle these moments with grace and resilience? What if you could turn these negative encounters into opportunities for personal growth?

In this guide, we will explore how Stoic philosophy can help you achieve just that.

By the end of this article, you’ll have a toolkit for handling insults the Stoic way, turning potential sources of distress into opportunities for virtue and self-improvement.

Ready to transform your approach to insults?

Let’s dive in.

01 Understand the Source of Insults

“When a man offends against you, think at once what conception of good or ill it was which made him offend. And seeing this, you will pity him, and feel neither surprise nor anger. ” – Marcus Aurelius

Often, insults come from individuals who are themselves troubled or ignorant. Marcus Aurelius reminds us that expecting otherwise is unrealistic.

By recognizing that insults often reflect more about the insulter’s character than your own, you can begin to detach emotionally from the hurtful words.

This perspective helps you see insults as a manifestation of the other person’s issues rather than a true reflection of your worth. Understanding this is crucial in maintaining your inner peace and not taking insults personally.

When you encounter an insult, remind yourself that it is a product of the other person’s limitations and not a measure of your value.

02 Remember you have control

“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.” – Marcus Aurelius

Your reaction to insults is within your control. Marcus Aurelius reminds us that external events themselves do not cause distress; rather, it is our interpretation of these events that creates our emotional response.

When you are insulted, the initial sting comes not from the words themselves but from how you perceive them. By understanding this, you can choose not to let insults disturb your peace of mind. You have the power to reframe your thoughts and diminish the impact of hurtful comments.

In practice, this means taking a moment before reacting. Breathe deeply and remind yourself that you control your emotions, not the person who insulted you.

By doing so, you can respond thoughtfully instead of reacting impulsively. This deliberate response not only preserves your dignity but also demonstrates your inner strength and self-control.

03 Refrain from Revenge

“The best revenge is not to be like your enemy.” – Marcus Aurelius

One of the core principles of Stoic philosophy is to refrain from seeking revenge. When insulted, it can be tempting to retaliate, but Marcus Aurelius advises against this. Instead, focus on maintaining your virtue and integrity.

Seeking revenge often leads to a cycle of negativity, where one hurtful action begets another. By choosing not to mimic the behavior of those who insult you, you break this cycle and demonstrate moral superiority. Your response should reflect your own values, not the negativity of others.

Refraining from revenge does not mean passivity. It means actively choosing to respond with dignity and self-control. This choice not only preserves your inner peace but also sets a positive example for others. By embodying the Stoic principle of forbearance, you show that true strength lies in maintaining your character, regardless of others’ actions.

When faced with insults, let your behavior be guided by wisdom and virtue. Rise above pettiness and anger, and show that you are governed by principles, not emotions. This approach not only protects your tranquility but also helps you grow as a person.

04 Focus on Your Own Opinion Of You

“How much time he gains who does not look to see what his neighbour says or does or thinks, but only at what he does himself, to make it just and holy.” – Marcus Aurelius

When insulted, it’s easy to become preoccupied with what others think or say about us.

However, Stoic wisdom advises us to concentrate on our own actions and character. By doing so, we align our lives with our values and principles, which ultimately leads to a more fulfilling and serene existence.

Ask yourself if your actions are just, honorable, and in accordance with your values. This introspection helps maintain your integrity and keeps you grounded. By focusing on your own virtue, you ensure that your responses are measured and dignified, rather than reactive and impulsive.

Cultivating this mindset transforms your approach to insults. Instead of being swayed by external negativity, you remain anchored in your commitment to live rightly.

This not only diminishes the power of insults to affect you but also strengthens your resolve to uphold your principles, fostering a life of virtue and tranquility.

05 Remember you can always choose indifference

“You always own the option of having no opinion. There is never any need to get worked up or to trouble your soul about things you can’t control.” – Marcus Aurelius

When faced with insults, remember that you are not obliged to form an opinion about them or let them affect your emotional state.

Marcus Aurelius reminds us that many things in life, including others’ opinions and actions, are beyond our control. What we can control, however, is our reaction to these events. By choosing indifference, you protect your inner peace and prevent external negativity from disturbing your tranquility.

When someone insults you, pause and remind yourself that their words are not asking for your judgment. You do not need to internalize or react to them. This mental stance of indifference helps you remain calm and composed, allowing you to focus on what truly matters.

Choosing indifference is not about apathy but about selective engagement. It means dedicating your emotional energy to what you can control and what aligns with your values. This practice fosters resilience, helping you navigate insults and other external challenges with equanimity and grace.

06 Be prepared for insults, expect them

“Begin each day by telling yourself: Today I shall be meeting with interference, ingratitude, insolence, disloyalty, ill-will, and selfishness…” – Marcus Aurelius

One practical Stoic strategy is to mentally prepare for the inevitability of insults and challenges.

Marcus Aurelius advises starting each day by acknowledging that you will encounter difficult and unpleasant people. This proactive mindset reduces the shock and emotional turmoil when such encounters occur.

By anticipating these interactions, you build a mental buffer that helps maintain your composure. When an insult does come your way, it won’t catch you off guard because you have already prepared yourself for the possibility. This preparation allows you to respond thoughtfully rather than reacting impulsively.

Moreover, this approach cultivates a sense of patience and understanding. Recognizing that others’ negative behaviors stem from their own ignorance and struggles enables you to respond with empathy rather than anger.

It helps you see these encounters as opportunities to practice Stoic virtues like patience, tolerance, and self-control.

07 Don't fall to their level

“If any man despises me, that is his problem. My only concern is not doing or saying anything deserving of contempt.” – Marcus Aurelius

When insulted, remind yourself that your self-worth is not determined by others’ opinions.

As long as you act with integrity and virtue, the negative views of others are irrelevant. This perspective helps you remain calm and prevents you from being drawn into unnecessary conflict.

By concentrating on your own behavior and ensuring it aligns with your principles, you create a solid foundation of inner peace. This approach allows you to navigate insults with confidence, knowing that you have not given anyone a legitimate reason to criticize you.

Maintaining inner peace also involves letting go of the need for external validation. Recognize that you cannot control how others perceive you, but you can control how you conduct yourself. By upholding your values and acting justly, you safeguard your tranquility and resilience against insults.

Focus on being the best version of yourself, regardless of others’ negativity. This commitment to your own moral and ethical standards is the key to preserving inner peace amidst external turmoil.

08 Remember that "Kindness is unconquerable"

“Kindness is unconquerable, so long as it is without flattery or hypocrisy… calmly show him what is right… lovingly and without anger.” – Marcus Aurelius

When faced with insults, responding with kindness can be incredibly powerful. Marcus Aurelius teaches that kindness, when genuine and devoid of hypocrisy, is an unconquerable force.

By choosing to respond to insults with kindness and calmness, you disarm the aggressor and maintain your moral high ground.

This does not mean being passive or accepting mistreatment. Instead, it involves calmly and gently correcting the other person if necessary, without anger or malice. This approach demonstrates strength and self-control, showing that you are not easily swayed by negative emotions.

The Bottom Line

Dealing with insults the Stoic way involves a blend of understanding, self-control, and inner strength.

In practicing these principles, you not only shield yourself from the harm of insults but also cultivate a life of wisdom, courage, and self-control.

If you found these insights helpful and want to continue your journey in Stoic philosophy, consider signing up for our Stoic email newsletter. Each week, you’ll receive thoughtful reflections, practical advice, and timeless wisdom from the Stoics to help you live a life of virtue and tranquility.

Until next time, stay Stoic.