How to deal with manipulative people the Stoic way

Manipulative people are like stormy seas—they push, pull, and try to control your ship’s course, making you question your direction. Whether it’s a coworker, friend, or family member, manipulation can lead to frustration, self-doubt, and even anger.

But here’s the deal: you can’t control the sea. What you can control is how you navigate it.

The Stoics knew this well. They taught that while we cannot change others, we have absolute power over how we react to them. The Stoic approach to dealing with manipulative people isn’t about outsmarting or overpowering them. It’s about holding your ground, staying true to your principles, and not letting their actions disturb your inner peace.

In this article, I’ll break down five ways to handle manipulative people the Stoic way—methods that will help you remain steady, focused, and in control of what truly matters: your own mind and actions. Ready to stop letting others steer your ship?

Let’s dive in.

1) Recognize what’s within your control

The first step in dealing with manipulative people is to recognize what you can and cannot control.

Manipulators thrive on getting you to react, to bend to their will. But the truth is, their influence stops where your control begins—your mind, your actions, your responses.

Epictetus reminds us, “Of all existing things, some are in our power and others are not in our power.” (The Discourses of Epictetus , 1916)

Their words, their tactics, and their behavior?  Not in your control. But how you interpret their actions and how you respond to them is entirely yours to command. This is a game-changer. When you stop wasting energy trying to change others, you free yourself to focus on maintaining your own composure and clarity.

Instead of getting caught up in their schemes, take a step back. Ask yourself, “What’s truly in my control right now?”

By doing this, you reclaim your power, making it impossible for others to manipulate your emotions. Their actions are their problem; your reactions are your responsibility. Stay calm, stay focused, and refuse to be drawn into their web.

2) Try to empathize with them

I know this sounds difficult, especially when someone is clearly trying to manipulate you. But empathy can be a powerful tool in disarming manipulation and protecting your own peace of mind.

It’s about understanding that manipulative behavior often comes from a place of fear, insecurity, or misguided beliefs—not necessarily malice.

Marcus Aurelius guides us with this thought: “Habituate yourself not to be attentive to what another has to say, and so far as possible be in the mind of the speaker.” (The Meditations of the Emperor Marcus Antoninus, 1944)

He also wrote, “When a man offends against you, think at once what conception of good or ill it was which made him offend. And seeing this, you will pity him, and feel neither surprise nor anger” (The Meditations of the Emperor Marcus Antoninus, 1944)

When we step into their shoes, we might begin to see the vulnerability behind their actions. This doesn’t mean you condone their behavior, but it helps you to respond from a place of understanding rather than anger or resentment.

By cultivating empathy, you make their attempts at manipulation less effective. You see their behavior for what it truly is—a reflection of their inner struggles, not a personal attack on you. This allows you to maintain your own composure and approach the situation with a calm, measured response that aligns with your values.

3) Respond logically, not emotionally

Have you ever noticed how manipulative people seem to thrive on getting a reaction out of you?

They want you to lose your cool, to react impulsively, and to give them the upper hand. The Stoic, logical approach, however, is to meet manipulation not with emotion, but with calm, controlled responses.

Epictetus reminds us, “It is not events that disturb people, it is their judgments concerning them.” (The Discourses of Epictetus , 1916)

When faced with manipulative behavior, the challenge is not the behavior itself, but how we choose to judge and react to it. By mastering your emotions, you rob manipulators of their power over you.

The key is to pause and reflect before responding. This doesn’t mean suppressing your feelings, but rather giving yourself space to choose a response that reflects your values rather than reacting in the heat of the moment. A calm response sends a clear message: you are in control of yourself, and no amount of manipulation can change that.

By practicing this restraint, you become like the Stoic “headland on which the waves continually break,” as Marcus Aurelius describes, standing firm while the chaos around you dissipates. You remain steady, clear-headed, and unmoved by attempts to sway you through emotional games.

4) Choose kindness

Yes, kind. 

Picture this: someone is actively pushing your buttons and expecting you to react with frustration or anger. But instead of biting back, you choose kindness. This doesn’t mean letting them walk all over you—it means disarming them with a response they didn’t see coming.

As Marcus Aurelius put it, “Kindness is invincible, if it be genuine and not sneering or hypocritical. For what can the most insolent do to you if you continue gentle to him?” (The Meditations of the Emperor Marcus Antoninus, 1944)

Responding with genuine kindness throws manipulators off balance. They expect confrontation or submission, not calm, steady grace. By remaining kind, you deny them the satisfaction of controlling your emotions.

Kindness is a quiet form of strength. It doesn’t mean you accept their manipulation—it simply means you’re choosing not to let their behavior dictate yours.

This approach protects your inner peace while demonstrating that no matter what they do, you remain firmly in control of how you act. It’s an unexpected move, but a powerful one, rooted in Stoic resilience and compassion.