We all like to think of ourselves as easygoing and pleasant, but what if you’re actually more difficult to be around than you realize?
While it’s natural to have quirks and preferences, some behaviors can make interactions with others challenging.
In this article, we’ll explore eight humbling signs that might suggest you’re a difficult person to be around.
By identifying these traits, you can take the first steps toward personal growth and more harmonious connections with those around you.
1) People avoid you
It’s a tough realization, but one of the first signs you’re difficult to be around is when people start avoiding you.
You see, people naturally gravitate towards those who make them feel good, heard, and respected. If they’re doing their best to stay clear of you, it may be because your presence brings discomfort or distress.
It could be subtle – invitations to social events dwindle, friends become less responsive, even colleagues may try to keep interactions with you at a minimum.
This is not about being paranoid over every missed call or unreturned text. But if you notice a consistent pattern of avoidance, it may be time for some honest self-reflection. The key is to approach this with an open mind and a willingness to change for the better.
It’s not an easy pill to swallow, but acknowledging this pattern is the first step in becoming someone people genuinely enjoy being around.
2) Constructive criticism feels like a personal attack
This is a tough one. I remember a time when I’d take any form of criticism to heart, even when it was meant to be constructive.
It was in my first job out of college. My boss would offer suggestions on how I could improve my work, but instead of seeing it as guidance, I’d perceive it as a personal attack. I’d become defensive, argumentative and difficult to deal with.
Looking back, I realize that my inability to accept constructive criticism was not only stunting my professional growth, but also making me a difficult person to work with.
Accepting criticism gracefully is a sign of maturity and adaptability. A study called How to Receive Criticism: Theory and Practice from Cognitive and Cultural Approaches says that “Vigorously and tirelessly educate that receiving criticism does not tarnish one’s image, but is an act of self-esteem, self-respect, self-worth, self-confidence, and a true demonstration of elevated character, pride, and maturity.”
So take a page out of that book.
3) Conversations often turn into debates
A healthy debate can be a sign of intellectual curiosity and engagement. But if every conversation with you feels like a battleground, it can become exhausting for those around you.
In fact, according to a study, people who engage in constant debates are often perceived as less agreeable and less likable.
Differences in opinion are common, and it’s perfectly okay to voice yours. But if you’re always trying to prove others wrong or impose your viewpoint, it may create an environment of hostility and discomfort.
Remember, conversations should be about sharing ideas, not winning arguments. It’s important to respect differing perspectives and agree to disagree when necessary.
4) You rarely express gratitude
Gratitude is at the heart of positive human interactions. It’s a simple yet powerful way of showing appreciation and building connections. But if “thank you” is a phrase rarely heard from you, it could make you difficult to be around.
People need to feel valued and appreciated. When their efforts go unnoticed or unacknowledged by you, it can create a sense of resentment or indifference.
Whether it’s thanking a colleague for helping you with a task, appreciating your friend for their support, or acknowledging your partner’s small acts of kindness, expressing gratitude can go a long way in improving your relationships.
Slow down, pay attention to the efforts of others around you, and don’t forget to say thank you. It might seem small, but it can make a big difference in how people perceive you.
5) You often find yourself feeling envious
Envy, if not managed, can be a toxic trait that drives people away. It’s natural to occasionally feel a pang of envy when someone achieves something you’ve been longing for. The problem arises when these feelings become frequent and bitter.
When you’re constantly comparing your life with others and harboring envy, it can lead to negative behaviors such as belittling others’ achievements, spreading rumors, or even sabotaging their success.
These actions can make you a difficult person to be around.
The truth is, life isn’t a competition. Each person has their own timeline, their own set of challenges, and their own version of success.
Acknowledging this can help you focus on your own growth and happiness instead of being consumed by envy.
There’s enough room for everyone’s success. Celebrate the achievements of others as you would your own.
It’s a sign of a secure and kind-hearted person – the kind of person others love to be around.
6) You struggle with empathy
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. But for a time, I found it hard to put myself in someone else’s shoes.
During an argument with a friend, instead of trying to understand their point of view, I was more focused on justifying my own actions. It was only after we stopped speaking that I realized how important empathy is in maintaining healthy relationships.
If you find it hard to empathize with others, it might make you seem insensitive or uncaring. This lack of understanding can create a disconnect between you and the people around you.
Working on your empathy skills can greatly improve your relationships.
Try to listen attentively, validate other people’s feelings, and show compassion. It might not come naturally at first, but with practice, you can become more empathetic and easier to be around.
7) You rarely apologize
Nobody’s perfect – we all make mistakes. However, the way we handle our missteps can define our character. If you find it difficult to say “I’m sorry” when you’re wrong, it could make you a hard person to be around.
An apology is not just about accepting blame. It’s about acknowledging the impact of your actions on others and showing them that you care about their feelings.
Refusing to apologize can come across as arrogant and disrespectful. It can damage relationships and create a negative atmosphere around you.
When you realize you’ve made a mistake, don’t shy away from apologizing.
8) You’re not open to change
Change is a constant part of life. It’s how we grow, evolve, and improve. But if you’re resistant to change, it can make you difficult to be around.
An unwillingness to change can manifest in various ways – sticking to old, harmful habits, refusing to accept new ideas, or not being able to adapt to new situations.
One study found that people who refuse to change can often become stagnant and hinder the growth of those around them.
Embracing change isn’t always easy, but it’s essential for personal development and maintaining healthy relationships.
It shows that you’re open-minded, adaptable, and willing to evolve, which are qualities that people cherish in those they spend time with.
Final thoughts
Acknowledging that you might be a difficult person to be around isn’t about labeling yourself negatively. Instead, it’s a testament to your openness to self-improvement and personal growth.
Accepting our flaws can be challenging but liberating. It’s the first step towards understanding how we impact others and the world around us. And more importantly, it paves the way for change.
What would Marcus Aurelius say?
Unsure what to do next in your career? Struggling to move on from a failed relationship? Searching for more meaning in life?
Marcus Aurelius can tell you how to face your challenges in a more Stoic way.
Simply ask your question, and Marcus Aurelius will answer.
