Have you ever found yourself caught in a cycle of loneliness and unhappiness?
I certainly have. It was a constant struggle.
In my quest to break free, I turned to books, friends, and different philosophies. One that stood out?
Stoicism.
It wasn’t an overnight transformation, and there were methods that didn’t work. But these five? They’ve been life-altering.
Chances are, they could help you, too.
Let’s explore them together.
1) Embracing the moment
The first Stoic habit that fundamentally changed my life was learning to embrace the present moment.
Living in loneliness and unhappiness, I often found myself lost in thoughts of the past or anxieties about the future. This constant mental time travel drained my mental energy and left me feeling more isolated.
The Stoic philosophy, as epitomized by Marcus Aurelius, emphasizes the importance of focusing on the present moment. In his writings, he often stresses that we have no control over the past or the future, only the here and now.
This realization was a wake-up call for me. I recognized that my habitual concerns about things outside of my control were a significant source of my unhappiness.
Embracing the moment is not about ignoring life’s real challenges or problems. Instead, it’s about focusing your energy on what you can control right now. It’s about taking action instead of ruminating, about being proactive instead of reactive.
By adopting this perspective, I’ve found a newfound sense of peace and contentment. It’s not an instant cure-all for loneliness or unhappiness, but it is a step in the right direction.
And let me tell you – it’s a step worth taking.
2) Practicing acceptance
Navigating through loneliness and unhappiness, I would often find myself in a state of denial, questioning why this was happening to me. This constant resistance to my situation only amplified my negative emotions.
Stoicism, as preached by Epictetus, teaches that we should accept things as they are. He advocated that we don’t have control over external events, only our reaction to them.
This wisdom was a profound revelation for me. I realized that my continual rejection of my circumstances was one of the primary sources of my unhappiness.
Practicing acceptance isn’t about resignation or passivity. It’s about acknowledging your current reality and choosing your response wisely. It’s about shifting your focus from ‘why is this happening to me?’ to ‘how can I best respond?’.
3) Cultivating gratitude
Did you know that research has shown that practicing gratitude can significantly improve our overall well-being by reducing stress and anxiety and even improving sleep?
Yep, it’s also a key Stoic habit.
The Stoics believed that we should appreciate the simple things in life and not take anything for granted.
As Marcus Aurelius, a renowned Stoic philosopher, once wrote, “Do not think of what are absent as though they were not existing, but ponder on the most fortunate of what you have got, and on account of them remind yourself how they would have been missed, if they had not been here.” Marcus Aurelius (The Meditations of the Emperor Marcus Antoninus, 1944)
This shift in perspective was transformational for me. Instead of focusing on my loneliness and unhappiness, I began to intentionally notice and appreciate the good things in my life, no matter how small.
Practicing gratitude is not about denying difficulties or pretending everything is perfect. Instead, it’s about consciously acknowledging the positive aspects of life, which are often overshadowed by negative emotions.
Incorporating this habit into my life brought a sense of appreciation and joy I hadn’t felt for a long time. It didn’t completely erase my loneliness or unhappiness, but it made them more manageable.
4) Embracing solitude
In the midst of loneliness, the idea of embracing solitude seems counterintuitive, I know.
But there is a profound difference between being alone and being lonely.
Marcus Aurelius, a notable Stoic philosopher, and Roman emperor, often retreated into solitude to write, reflect and gain perspective.
Inspired by his example, I began to set aside time for solitude, intentionally using this time to reflect and connect with myself.
This wasn’t just about being alone; it was about learning to enjoy my own company, understanding my thoughts and emotions, and developing self-sufficiency.
Through this practice, I started to see solitude not as a state of loneliness, but as an opportunity for self-discovery and personal growth.
This shift didn’t happen instantly. It required effort and persistence. But gradually, I began to find comfort in my own company. Instead of feeling isolated, I felt empowered.
5) Seeking validation on social media
In today’s digital age, social media is a double-edged sword.
It connects us with friends and family, but it also exposes us to the relentless comparison game and the craving for likes, comments, and followers.
For me, this was a significant source of discontent. I would post pictures, updates, and achievements, only to anxiously wait for digital validation. When the likes didn’t come pouring in, I felt unworthy and even more isolated.
Stoicism, however, teaches us to seek validation from within rather than from external sources. The writings of Epictetus, a prominent Stoic philosopher, emphasize the importance of focusing on our own opinions and judgments rather than those of others.
I started to question why I was seeking approval from people who might not even truly know me. What did their approval mean anyway?
]The more I delved into this, the more I realized that my self-worth shouldn’t hinge on external validation. True self-esteem comes from within.
By reducing my social media usage and focusing more on real-life interactions and self-reflection, I began to find a more stable sense of self-worth. I stopped posting for likes and started living for myself. This shift didn’t mean I abandoned social media entirely, but I changed how I engaged with it.
Instead of seeking validation, I used it as a tool for connection and inspiration.
Again, this change didn’t happen overnight. But gradually, I found that my sense of loneliness diminished as my reliance on digital validation decreased. I started appreciating my own company more and felt a deeper sense of fulfillment.
The bottom line is that seeking validation from social media often leads to a cycle of fleeting happiness and long-term dissatisfaction. By focusing on internal validation, we can build a more resilient and contented self. It’s a step worth taking for anyone struggling with loneliness and unhappiness.
The bottom line
In essence, these nine Stoic habits didn’t magically erase my loneliness or unhappiness. But they did change my perspective, gave me tools to navigate through them, and brought more peace into my life. And that, my friend, is a change worth making.
I hope you found some value in this post.
If you want to stay connected, sign up for our newsletter below. Together, we can continue to explore the paths to a better, more fulfilling life.
Until next time, stay Stoic.
What would Marcus Aurelius say?
Unsure what to do next in your career? Struggling to move on from a failed relationship? Searching for more meaning in life?
Marcus Aurelius can tell you how to face your challenges in a more Stoic way.
Simply ask your question, and Marcus Aurelius will answer.
