I thought making others happy would make me happy. It didn’t. Here’s what really worked for me.

Have you ever bought into the idea that making others happy is the key to your own happiness?

I sure have. I was always chasing.

But after a lot of effort and a fair share of disappointment, I realized happiness doesn’t work that way. Or at least, it doesn’t work that way for me. 

No matter what I tried, I’d inevitably end up feeling unfulfilled. My happiness was becoming more and more contingent on others.

Worse of all, people were starting to treat me like a doormat. Not all people, of course, but some for sure.

Anyway, through reading and some self-reflection, I discovered simple things that have genuinely made me happy and boosted my productivity. They might just do the same for you. 

Curious to know what they are?

Let’s dive in. 

1) Embracing self-care

The first and possibly most essential habit I’ve adopted is the practice of self-care.

You might think that self-care is a widely accepted concept, but surprisingly, many of us often overlook it. I was one of them, constantly prioritizing others’ happiness over my own.

 This habit of self-sacrifice didn’t bring the joy I expected; instead, it led to feelings of exhaustion and discontent.

Reading books like “The Gifts of Imperfection” by Brené Brown and listening to thought leaders like Simon Sinek talk about the importance of self-love and self-care was a game-changer. It emphasized that you cannot pour from an empty cup.

Self-care for me isn’t just about spa days or treating myself. It’s about taking time to recharge, setting boundaries, and prioritizing my needs. It’s about understanding that my happiness matters just as much as anyone else’s.

When I started taking care of myself, I noticed a significant shift in my mood and productivity levels. It’s not selfish; it’s essential.

This habit may seem simple, but its influence on my life has been truly transformative. 

2) Learning to say no

I’d imagine this is a pretty common one. 

In my quest to make everyone around me happy, I often found myself stretching too thin, taking on more than I could handle. I had a hard time saying no to requests because I didn’t want to disappoint anyone. Sound familiar?

But then I read “Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less” by Greg McKeown. The book’s central idea—that we can only focus on a limited number of things—struck a chord with me.

I realized that while my intentions were good, my inability to decline requests was not only affecting my wellbeing but also my productivity. I was often overwhelmed and worn out, unable to give my best in any area.

So, I began to practice saying no. It wasn’t easy at first. The fear of letting people down was overpowering. But with time, I learned that it wasn’t about being selfish; it was about preserving my energy for things that truly mattered.

By learning to say no, I freed up time and energy for myself and my priorities. It helped reduce stress, improve focus, and, surprisingly, made me a lot happier than pleasing others ever did.

This habit might seem counterintuitive, but its impact on my life has been nothing short of transformational.

3) Cultivating gratitude

I’ll be honest; gratitude used to seem like a bit of a new-age concept for me. I just couldn’t get on board with the sort of mantra stuff. 

That was until I came across it in Stoic writings. Marcus Aurelius’s teachings really resonated with me. Perhaps this is one of my favorite Stoic quotes, in fact: 

“Do not think of what are absent as though they were not existing, but ponder on the most fortunate of what you have got, and on account of them remind yourself how they would have been missed, if they had not been here.” (The Meditations of the Emperor Marcus Antoninus, 1944)

I then found that giving thanks is also backed up by modern science. As noted by experts, it can reduce the risk of depression, lower anxiety, reduce stress, and even improve sleep!

This was a revelation for me.

In my pursuit of making others happy, I had forgotten to appreciate the good in my life. I was so focused on others’ contentment that I overlooked my blessings.

It took a simple exercise of keeping a gratitude journal to change this. Every night before sleeping, I started jotting down three things I was grateful for that day.

At first, it felt like a chore. But gradually, I began to notice the small moments of joy that I had been missing out on—like the warmth of the morning sun or a good cup of coffee.

This habit of recognizing and appreciating the good in my life shifted my focus from others to myself. It made me realize that my happiness doesn’t depend on others but on how I perceive and appreciate my life.

Cultivating gratitude didn’t just make me happier; it also increased my productivity by helping me stay focused and positive.

4) Practicing mindfulness

Have you ever found yourself caught up in the hustle and bustle of life, only to realize you’re missing out on the present moment?

I was there, too. In my attempts to keep everyone happy, I was always on the go, barely pausing to breathe.

It was while reading “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle that I discovered the concept of mindfulness. It was a revelation.

I realized that in my quest to make others happy, I was constantly living in the future or dwelling on the past, rarely ever in the present.

Practicing mindfulness not only made me more appreciative of my life but also made me happier and more productive. It helped me manage stress better, improved my focus, and brought a sense of peace and contentment that I had never experienced before.

5) Focusing on my passions

In the midst of trying to please everyone, I realized I had lost sight of what truly made me happy. I was so engrossed in others’ needs that I had forgotten about my own passions.

So, I made a conscious effort to reconnect with them. For me, it was music, something I had loved but neglected over the years.

I started setting aside time to play my guitar, no matter how busy my schedule was. At first, it felt like an indulgence, even a waste of time. But soon, I realized it was far from that.

Delving into my art not only brought immense joy but also a sense of fulfillment and self-expression that I hadn’t experienced in years. It recharged my mind and ignited my creativity.

Focusing on my passion became more than just a hobby—it became a form of self-care, a way to nurture my soul and boost my happiness.

Rediscovering and prioritizing my passion made me realize that true happiness doesn’t come from pleasing others; it comes from being true to oneself. This realization has been life-changing for me.

6) Setting personal boundaries

Picture this: You’re constantly on call, always available to everyone, and your own needs and wants are perpetually on the back burner. Sound familiar?

That was me. In my mission to make everyone else happy, I had forgotten to set boundaries.

It was a conversation with a mentor that triggered a change.

I started setting personal boundaries regarding my time, energy, and commitments. I made it clear when I was available and when I needed time for myself.

Initially, it felt uncomfortable. I was worried about appearing selfish or uncaring. But soon, I realized that setting boundaries wasn’t about pushing people away; it was about respecting my own needs and space.

By setting boundaries, I created room for self-care and personal growth. It reduced stress and increased my productivity by helping me focus on tasks that truly mattered to me.

More importantly, it made me happier. I no longer felt stretched thin or drained because I was no longer trying to be everything for everyone.

The bottom line 

In the end, it’s not about making everyone else happy.

It’s about finding your own happiness, setting boundaries, and prioritizing self-care. Happiness comes from within, and it’s high time we start focusing on it.

I hope you found some value in this post. If so, you might be interested in joining our email newsletter below. Basically, we send articles like this on a regular basis to keep you updated and inspired. It’s completely free, too! 

Until next time, stay strong. 

What would Marcus Aurelius say?

Unsure what to do next in your career? Struggling to move on from a failed relationship? Searching for more meaning in life?

Marcus Aurelius can tell you how to face your challenges in a more Stoic way.

Simply ask your question, and Marcus Aurelius will answer.

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