Growing up in the Midwest, I was raised on a steady diet of “work hard and be good.” My parents, both teachers, raised me to believe that doing your best was the only way to succeed. You would be rewarded if you kept your head down, put in the long hours, and always tried your hardest.
My career in finance mirrored this ethos. The days were high-pressure in a bustling Chicago firm, and the nights were long.
To many, I had “made it”. However, I found myself constantly frustrated with my colleagues, my boss, even the barista who made my coffee each morning. It felt like everyone was out to get me or wasn’t working as hard as me – and it wasn’t fair.
Maybe it was this sort of perfectonist, impatient mindset that allowed me to succeed in the first place, but it wasn’t helping me.
Then, one day, a friend introduced me to a book on Stoicism. This ancient philosophy taught about the art of radical acceptance, of understanding that we can only control our own actions and reactions.
Anything else – the traffic on the way to work, the computer crashing before a big presentation, even the attitude of my colleagues – was out of my hands.
The idea was simple but revolutionary. Could I really let go of all these frustrations? Could I accept that life is full of things I can’t control?
The more I read about Stoicism, the more it resonated with me. I began to see how this philosophy could transform not just my work life but also my relationships with my family and friends. And so began my journey into Stoicism.
The change didn’t happen overnight. It was a process of unlearning old habits and embracing new ways of thinking. But over time, I noticed a shift in me; I was less affected by external events and more focused on how I reacted to them.
This is how I came to understand and practice radical acceptance in every aspect of my life. Here’s what it’s been like living by these Stoic principles for the past three years.
Embracing Stoicism in my daily life
Each morning, before I even reached for my phone or thought about work, I started with a simple Stoic exercise. I’d reflect on the day ahead and mentally accept that not everything would go as planned. This wasn’t pessimism, but a grounding exercise to understand that the only thing I could truly control was my response to what happened.
At work, instead of getting frustrated with my colleagues or the inevitable technology hiccups, I began practicing acceptance in real-time. When a coworker missed a deadline, or my computer acted up, I took a deep breath and reminded myself – this was outside of my control. My only job was to manage my reaction.
It wasn’t easy, and I’ll be honest – there were days when old habits crept back in. But the more I practiced it, the more natural it became.
At home, I used the same approach with my family. Instead of getting upset when plans changed last minute or when things didn’t go as expected, I learned to accept it with grace.
Stoicism doesn’t mean being passive or letting people walk over you; it just means understanding what’s in your control and what isn’t. It’s about finding peace amidst the chaos by focusing on your actions and reactions.
Challenging the misconception about Stoicism
A common misconception about Stoicism is that it promotes emotional suppression or indifference. Many people think that Stoics are unfeeling or cold, only caring about logic and reason.
But this couldn’t be further from the truth. Stoicism doesn’t teach you to suppress your feelings; it teaches you to understand them, manage them, and not let them control you.
Before I learned about Stoicism, I used to think that my frustrations were caused by external factors – my colleagues, my parents, the traffic. But after embracing Stoicism, I understood that my frustrations were a result of my reactions to these situations, not the situations themselves.
Stoicism taught me to see things from a different perspective. Instead of seeing my colleagues as frustrating, I began to see them as individuals doing their best, just like me. Instead of being annoyed at the traffic, I saw it as an opportunity for patience.
The real myth about Stoicism is that it’s an emotionless philosophy. In reality, it’s a philosophy that empowers you to take charge of your emotions and reactions.
Putting my new perspective into action
When I realized that my frustrations were a result of my reactions and not the situations themselves, I had a powerful tool at my disposal: choice. I had the choice to react differently.
First, I started by identifying the main sources of my frustrations. For me, it was mostly work-related issues and the constant feeling of being rushed in my personal life.
In my job, I began to approach each task with a sense of acceptance. If a colleague missed a deadline, instead of reacting with frustration, I chose to respond with understanding and patience. This didn’t mean I let them off the hook, but it did change the way I communicated with them.
In my personal life, when things didn’t go as planned or when faced with unexpected challenges, I practiced the same approach. Instead of getting frustrated, I chose to see these situations as opportunities for growth and learning.
The key here is that these changes didn’t happen overnight. It takes time to unlearn old habits and develop a new mindset. But the more you practice, the easier it becomes.
If you’re feeling frustrated with people or situations in your life, remember this: You can’t control others or external events, but you can control your reactions. This simple shift in perspective can make a world of difference in your overall happiness and peace of mind.
Stepping back and embracing self-empowerment
After embracing Stoicism and the philosophy of radical acceptance, I began to see my life in a different light. I realized that taking responsibility for my reactions, regardless of the situation, was empowering. It gave me control over my emotions and responses, allowing me to navigate through life’s challenges more calmly.
I also started questioning the societal norms and expectations that influenced my thinking. It became clear to me that a lot of my frustrations stemmed from trying to meet externally imposed expectations rather than pursuing my own ambitions and desires.
Throughout this journey, I’ve learned a few key lessons:
- Acknowledge your dissatisfaction or struggles instead of ignoring them.
- Take responsibility for your reactions, even when situations are beyond your control.
- Understand the influence of societal conditioning and question its validity in your life.
- Seek self-empowerment by breaking free from externally imposed expectations.
- Dedicate time daily to actively practice self-improvement techniques.
These lessons weren’t just about dealing with frustrations at work or at home; they were about reshaping my reality by aligning it with my true nature. They were about taking a step back, looking at the bigger picture, and moving forward with more purpose and direction.
If you’re feeling frustrated or stuck, I invite you to consider these lessons. Remember, the journey toward self-empowerment is continuous, but each step brings you closer to living life on your own terms.
What would Marcus Aurelius say?
Unsure what to do next in your career? Struggling to move on from a failed relationship? Searching for more meaning in life?
Marcus Aurelius can tell you how to face your challenges in a more Stoic way.
Simply ask your question, and Marcus Aurelius will answer.
