Navigating social landscapes can be a tricky business. Just as there are behaviors that signify a high level of social intelligence, there are also certain actions that point to a lack thereof.
Now, I’m not talking about the occasional social slip-ups we all make. I’m referring to consistent patterns of behavior that suggest a person may be lacking in social awareness and finesse.
In the realm of relationships, whether it’s at work, home, or in your love life, recognizing these signs can make all the difference. As a relationship expert, I’ve spent years observing and decoding social interactions.
So, let’s dive into these seven behaviors that indicate a deficit in social intelligence. Remember, as we go along, this isn’t about judging others, but rather understanding them better.
1) Over sharing
We all have that one friend or colleague who doesn’t seem to understand the concept of boundaries. They spill their life’s story within minutes of meeting someone, often sharing personal or intimate details that make others uncomfortable.
Here’s the deal, this isn’t about being open and transparent. It’s about being socially intelligent enough to know when it’s appropriate to share and when it’s better to hold back.
Social intelligence involves understanding and respecting the boundaries of others. It means knowing that not everyone wants to hear about your latest breakup or your medical history during a casual chat.
Consistently oversharing can be a sign of poor social intelligence. It shows a lack of understanding that different situations and relationships call for different levels of disclosure.
2) Avoiding eye contact
This may surprise you, but avoiding eye contact can be a sign of low social intelligence.
It’s often considered polite and respectful to maintain good eye contact during a conversation. It shows that you’re actively engaged and interested in what the other person is saying.
However, here’s the twist. Some people tend to avoid eye contact because they’re shy or nervous, which is completely normal. But consistently avoiding eye contact is a different story.
It can make the other person feel ignored or that what they’re saying isn’t important. It can also be perceived as a sign of dishonesty or lack of confidence.
So, even if it feels uncomfortable at first, try to make more deliberate eye contact during conversations. It’s a simple change that can significantly improve your social interactions.
3) Ignoring non-verbal cues
Let’s be honest, we often communicate more through our body language than our words. Crossed arms, a furrowed brow, or even a slight shift in posture can speak volumes about how we’re feeling.
The ability to pick up on these non-verbal cues is a key component of social intelligence. If someone consistently misses these cues, it could suggest that they’re not tuned into the emotional landscape of those around them.
In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I talk about the importance of being emotionally attuned not just to your partner, but to everyone around you. It’s about being present and aware, ready to respond appropriately to subtle signals.
Ignoring non-verbal cues can lead to misunderstandings and missed opportunities for connection.
4) Dominating conversations
We’ve all been there. You’re in a conversation with someone, and they just won’t let you get a word in. They’re so wrapped up in their own stories and opinions that they forget a conversation is a two-way street.
Consistently dominating conversations is a telltale sign of low social intelligence. It demonstrates a lack of empathy and consideration for others’ thoughts and feelings.
A good conversation is like a game of tennis, where ideas are volleyed back and forth. Make an effort to ask questions, show genuine interest, and let the other person share their thoughts. After all, it’s through listening that we learn and grow.
5) Lack of adaptability
Life is unpredictable, and so are social situations. One day you might be chatting with a group of friends at a casual hangout, the next you could be giving a presentation to a room full of colleagues. Each scenario calls for a different social approach.
In my experience, people with high social intelligence are like social chameleons. They can adapt their behavior based on the situation they’re in and the people they’re with.
On the other hand, someone who lacks social intelligence might struggle with this. They may act the same way in every situation, regardless of the context or the people involved.
This lack of adaptability can lead to awkward interactions and missed opportunities for connection.
6) Not showing empathy
Empathy is what allows us to connect with people on a deeper level and is a cornerstone of social intelligence.
When someone consistently fails to show empathy, it can be a clear sign they’re lacking in social smarts. Whether it’s dismissing someone’s feelings or failing to offer comfort when it’s needed, a lack of empathy can make social interactions feel cold and disconnected.
But remember, empathy is a skill that can be learned and improved over time. So, even if it doesn’t come naturally to you, don’t worry! With practice and patience, you can increase your ability to empathize with others.
7) Being judgmental
Here’s the hard truth: Nobody likes being judged. Yet, some people have a habitual tendency of passing judgment on others, often without even realizing it.
Being judgmental is a surefire sign of low social intelligence. It shows a lack of understanding and respect for individual differences. Instead of appreciating the unique perspectives and experiences of others, judgmental individuals tend to categorize people into boxes based on their own preconceived notions.
This behavior can be off-putting and can create a barrier in building meaningful relationships. It’s important to remember that everyone has their own journey, their own struggles, and their own triumphs.
Strive to be open-minded and accepting. Practice empathy, seek to understand before being understood, and remember that everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. It’s these small changes in attitude that can make a huge difference in your social interactions.
Toward A Deeper Understanding
As we unpick the threads that constitute social intelligence, it’s clear how pivotal it is in our daily interactions. It’s the invisible force that shapes our relationships, influencing our capacity to connect with others on a meaningful level.
These seven behaviors aren’t meant to be a definitive list or a final judgment. Instead, they offer a starting point for reflection and self-improvement. We all have moments where we falter, where our social intelligence might not be at its peak. That’s okay. It’s part of being human.
What would Marcus Aurelius say?
Unsure what to do next in your career? Struggling to move on from a failed relationship? Searching for more meaning in life?
Marcus Aurelius can tell you how to face your challenges in a more Stoic way.
Simply ask your question, and Marcus Aurelius will answer.
