We all have that one person in our lives who seems to have a knack for saying just the wrong thing at the wrong time. It’s unnerving and, according to Stoicism, it can be a clear sign of a not-so-great character.
Stoicism, an ancient philosophy, suggests that our words reflect our inner values. So if someone is consistently throwing around these 10 phrases, you might want to reconsider their place in your life.
Get ready, because we’re about to delve into some profound wisdom from the Stoics. Let’s uncover the truth behind these troublesome phrases and why they might indicate someone isn’t the best person to keep around.
1) I deserve…
In the realm of Stoicism, the phrase “I deserve…” raises a red flag.
Stoics believe in focusing on what is within our control, and our sense of entitlement isn’t one of those things. When someone frequently uses the phrase “I deserve…”, it might signal an inflated sense of self-worth and a potential disregard for others.
The concept of deserving something often arises from a place of ego and can lead to unnecessary disappointment and resentment. Stoicism teaches us to be content with what we have and to work towards our goals without feeling entitled to certain outcomes.
So, if someone in your life keeps insisting on what they “deserve”, you might want to take a step back and evaluate their character from a Stoic perspective.
2) It’s not my fault…
We’ve all met that person who seems incapable of accepting responsibility. For me, it was an old roommate. Every time something went wrong, from unpaid bills to unwashed dishes, her go-to phrase was always, “It’s not my fault…”
According to Stoicism, this phrase is a telltale sign of a problematic character. Stoics advocate for personal accountability and self-reflection. They believe that we have control over our actions and should take responsibility for them.
When someone constantly shifts the blame onto others, it suggests a refusal to acknowledge their role in the situation. It’s a denial of responsibility and a lack of personal growth.
So next time someone around you is always saying, “It’s not my fault…”, remember my old roommate and consider if this person is truly someone you want in your life.
3) You always…
In the world of communication, “You always…” is a phrase that sets off alarm bells. It’s a form of absolute language that can be damaging and unfair.
From a Stoic perspective, the use of such absolute language reflects an inability to see situations objectively. Stoicism encourages us to be rational and avoid letting our emotions cloud our judgment.
When someone starts a sentence with “You always…”, it often indicates that they’re generalizing based on a few instances. This can lead to misunderstandings and unnecessary conflicts.
Interestingly, therapists and relationship experts often advise against using such language, as it can escalate conflicts instead of resolving them.
So keep an ear out for “You always…” – it might just reveal more about someone’s character than you think.
4) I don’t care…
“I don’t care…” is a phrase that can carry a lot of weight. Stoicism teaches us the importance of empathy and understanding towards others. When someone frequently says, “I don’t care…”, it can indicate a lack of empathy and a disregard for the feelings or opinions of others.
Stoics believe in maintaining a sense of tranquility and inner peace, but that doesn’t mean they advocate for indifference or apathy towards others.
A frequent use of “I don’t care…” might be a sign that the person is more self-focused and less inclined to consider the perspectives and feelings of others. This lack of concern for others is contrary to the Stoic principle of treating all human beings with respect and consideration.
So, if you hear “I don’t care…” too often from someone, it might be a sign they’re not as good a person as they seem.
5) Why me?
The phrase “Why me?” is a classic example of playing the victim. In Stoicism, this phrase is frowned upon as it signifies a lack of personal accountability and resilience.
Stoics believe in accepting life’s challenges with grace and courage. They urge us to focus on how we respond to situations, rather than complaining about our circumstances.
When someone frequently asks, “Why me?”, it suggests they are more interested in wallowing in self-pity than in overcoming their obstacles. This perpetual victim mentality can indicate an unwillingness to grow and adapt, both of which are key principles of Stoicism.
So if someone constantly finds themselves asking “Why me?”, it might be a sign they aren’t the best company to keep.
6) They don’t matter…
Hearing someone say “They don’t matter…” can be quite disheartening. It’s a phrase that dismisses the value and worth of others, which goes against the principles of Stoicism.
Stoics believe in the inherent value of every individual. They teach us to show kindness and respect to all, regardless of their status or role in society.
When someone frequently says, “They don’t matter…”, it reflects a lack of empathy and an inability to value others. This disregard for the importance of others is contrary to the Stoic principle of universal brotherhood and mutual respect.
It’s heartbreaking to think that anyone would regard another person as insignificant. If you encounter someone who frequently uses this phrase, it might be time to reassess their place in your life.
7) I can’t change…
“I can’t change…” is a phrase I used to catch myself saying a lot. It’s an easy way to shrug off responsibility and avoid making the effort to improve.
The Stoic philosophy, however, teaches us that we have control over our actions and attitudes. They emphasize personal growth and the power of change.
When someone persistently says “I can’t change…”, it suggests they aren’t willing to put in the work to better themselves. This lack of self-improvement goes against Stoic teachings which encourage us to constantly learn and grow.
So, if you hear “I can’t change…” from someone repeatedly, it might indicate that they’re not as committed to personal growth as a good person should be.
8) I’ll do it later…
Procrastination, symbolized by the phrase “I’ll do it later…”, might seem like a harmless habit. But in Stoicism, it’s seen as a sign of lack of discipline and commitment.
Stoics advocate for living in the present and taking immediate action. They believe that our time is precious and shouldn’t be wasted on unnecessary delays.
When someone frequently says, “I’ll do it later…”, it might suggest they don’t value their own time or the time of others. This delay in action might also indicate a lack of responsibility and commitment to their tasks.
So, even though “I’ll do it later…” might sound innocent, according to Stoicism, it’s a phrase that could indicate a deeper character flaw.
9) It’s all about me…
Stoicism teaches us the value of humility and selflessness. So when someone frequently says, “It’s all about me…”, it might be a sign that they lack these important virtues.
A person who constantly centers conversations and situations around themselves might be showing signs of narcissism. Stoics believe in the importance of community and helping others, and this self-centric attitude goes against these principles.
Remember, a good person understands that the world does not revolve around them. They are considerate of others and understand the importance of being part of a community.
So if you hear “It’s all about me…” more than occasionally from someone, it might be a sign that they’re not the best person to have in your life.
10) I don’t need to improve…
If someone says, “I don’t need to improve…”, it’s a major red flag. Stoicism stresses the importance of continuous self-improvement and growth.
No one is perfect. We all have areas in which we can improve and grow. When someone believes they’ve reached the pinnacle of personal development, it suggests a lack of self-awareness and humility.
A good person according to Stoicism is always willing to learn, grow and better themselves. They understand that there’s always room for improvement.
The phrase “I don’t need to improve…” contradicts this crucial principle. If someone frequently uses this phrase, it might be a clear sign that they’re not the best person to keep in your life.
Final thoughts: It’s about growth
The essence of Stoicism revolves around personal growth, acceptance, and understanding. It’s a philosophy that encourages us to reflect on our actions, words, and attitudes.
When we encounter someone who frequently uses these 10 phrases, it’s not about rushing to label them as a ‘bad person’. Stoicism teaches us that everyone has the capacity for change and improvement.
The goal is to use these signs as a prompt for introspection, both for ourselves and for the individuals in question. It’s about recognising the areas that need growth and fostering an environment that promotes positive change.
As Epictetus, a renowned Stoic philosopher, once said, “We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.” So let’s listen more, reflect more, and strive to be better versions of ourselves.
At the end of the day, it’s not just about identifying negative traits in others. It’s about striving for continuous self-improvement and promoting a culture of empathy, respect, and understanding.
What would Marcus Aurelius say?
Unsure what to do next in your career? Struggling to move on from a failed relationship? Searching for more meaning in life?
Marcus Aurelius can tell you how to face your challenges in a more Stoic way.
Simply ask your question, and Marcus Aurelius will answer.
