There’s a fine line between expressing our feelings and sabotaging our own happiness.
The line is drawn by the words we use. Often, without realizing it, we utter phrases that feed negativity and delay our joy.
Speaking from personal experience, I’ve discovered that certain phrases can unconsciously foster unhappiness. And it’s high time we become more aware of what we’re saying to ourselves.
In this article, you’ll find 8 phrases that you might be using that could be postponing your happiness. I’ve been there, said them, and learned the hard way. Now, I want to help you skip the hurt and jump straight to joy.
It’s not about beating ourselves up over these phrases but about catching them and turning them around for our own good.
Let’s get to ’em.
1) “I’ll be happy when…”
You’ve probably found yourself saying this phrase at some point in your life.
“I’ll be happy when I get that promotion.” “I’ll be happy when I lose weight.” “I’ll be happy when I find the perfect partner.”
The problem with this statement is that it sets happiness as a destination, something to be achieved only when certain conditions are met.
Without realizing it, you’re delaying your joy and placing it in a hypothetical future that may or may not happen.
In truth, happiness is not a destination, it’s a journey. It’s about finding joy in the present moment and appreciating what you have now, not what you could have in the future.
By catching this phrase and replacing it with present moment appreciation, such as “I’m grateful for what I have now”, you can begin to shift your mindset towards one of contentment and joy in the here and now.
Remember, it’s all about awareness and the conscious choice to foster positivity rather than postponing happiness for a future event.
2) “I should have…”
This phrase is a personal nemesis of mine.
“I should have taken that job.” “I should have invested in that stock.” “I should have stayed in touch with that friend.”
Regret is a heavy burden to carry around. It roots us in the past and blinds us to the joys of the present. I remember a time when I was so caught up in regretting a missed opportunity that I couldn’t appreciate the new opportunities right in front of me.
The truth is, we all make mistakes. We all miss opportunities. But dwelling on the past with regret does nothing but delay our happiness.
Over time, I’ve learned to replace “I should have” with “Next time, I will”. This subtle shift changes our focus from past mistakes to future possibilities and keeps us open to happiness in the present moment.
It’s not an easy switch, but trust me, it’s worth it.
3) “I’m not good enough”
We’ve all had moments of self-doubt. But when “I’m not good enough” becomes a regular mantra, it can seriously hinder your happiness.
This phrase reinforces a negative self-image and can make you feel as though you’re constantly falling short. It’s like a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more you say it, the more it feels true.
Replacing “I’m not good enough” with affirmations like “I’m doing my best” or “I’m capable and worthy” can help to break this cycle. It’s about recognizing your worth and celebrating your strengths, instead of focusing on perceived shortcomings.
As Marcus Aurelius wrote:
“Do not becuase a thing is hard for you yourself to accomplish, imagine that it is humanly impossible: but if a thing is humanly possible and appropriate, consider it also to be within your own reach.” Marcus Aurelius (The Meditations of the Emperor Marcus Antoninus, 1944)
4) “I don’t have time”
Ever find yourself saying this one? “I don’t have time to exercise.” “I don’t have time to read.” “I don’t have time to relax.”
This phrase can be a happiness eliminator. It often means you’re not prioritizing activities that promote joy and well-being. When we constantly tell ourselves we don’t have time, we’re essentially saying that our own happiness is not a priority.
Time is a matter of priority. We all have the same 24 hours in a day. It’s about how we choose to use them.
Instead of saying “I don’t have time,” try saying “it’s not a priority for me right now”. If that doesn’t sit well, maybe it’s time to reassess your priorities.
5) “If only…”
“If only I were more outgoing.” “If only I had more money.” “If only I were thinner.”
The “if only” game is a dangerous one. It implies that happiness is always just out of reach, dependent on some external factor or circumstance changing.
The truth is, none of us are perfect. We all have things we’d like to change about ourselves or our lives. But when we spend too much time wishing things were different, we lose sight of the beauty in who we are and what we have now.
Next time you find yourself starting a sentence with “if only”, try to catch yourself. Replace it with a statement of gratitude for something you do have or something you like about yourself.
Happiness is found in acceptance and gratitude, not in wishful thinking.
6) “I can’t change”
Believing that you’re incapable of change is a self-limiting belief that can trap you in unhappiness. It’s like putting up invisible walls around yourself.
I’ve been there. I used to believe that I was destined to be a shy, introverted person who could never be comfortable in social situations. But over time, I learned that change is possible. It took effort, patience, and persistence, but I managed to break free from that self-imposed mold.
The truth is, we all have the capacity for change. It may not always be easy, but it is always possible. So instead of saying “I can’t change”, try saying “I am capable of change”.
Remember, you have the power to shape your own life. Don’t let self-limiting beliefs hold you back from your happiness.
7) “It’s too late”
This phrase is a happiness thief.
“It’s too late to pursue my passion.” “It’s too late to change careers.” “It’s too late to start over.”
Believing it’s too late can make you feel stuck and rob you of the joy of growth and new experiences. The truth is, it’s rarely ever truly ‘too late’.
Age, time, past decisions – none of these have to be barriers to your happiness or your dreams. There’s a world of possibilities out there waiting for you, no matter where you are in life.
8) “I’m not lucky”
Believing you’re not lucky can make you feel like a victim of circumstances. It can blind you to the opportunities and blessings that are already in your life.
But here’s the most important thing: Luck has very little to do with happiness. Happiness comes from gratitude, acceptance, and perspective. It’s about recognizing and appreciating the good in our lives, even in the midst of challenges.
So, instead of saying “I’m not lucky”, try saying “I am grateful”.
Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgivings, routine jobs into joy, and ordinary opportunities into blessings. And that is the true key to happiness.
Final thought: It’s all about the words
The complexity of human emotions and happiness can often be traced back to the language we use.
Words are powerful. They shape our reality, influence our emotions, and can either lift us up or weigh us down.
In the case of these 8 phrases, they might be subtly contributing to a delay in your happiness. But the good news is, awareness is the first step towards change.
The next time you catch yourself saying one of these phrases, pause. Reflect on what you’re really saying and how it might be impacting your happiness.
What would Marcus Aurelius say?
Unsure what to do next in your career? Struggling to move on from a failed relationship? Searching for more meaning in life?
Marcus Aurelius can tell you how to face your challenges in a more Stoic way.
Simply ask your question, and Marcus Aurelius will answer.
