As a relationship expert, I’ve seen a lot. However, one thing that stands out is how often we compromise our self-respect in exchange for acceptance or love from others.
The difference between respecting oneself and seeking validation from others is like night and day. When we respect ourselves, we set boundaries, establishing what we will and won’t accept from others.
Sadly, though, many of us put up with behaviors that clearly show a lack of respect towards us.
In this article, I will be sharing five behaviors that you should never put up with from anyone.
If you’re tolerating any of these, it’s time for a self-respect check-up.
Let’s dive in.
1) Constant criticism
We’ve all experienced criticism at some point in our lives. It’s normal and often needed for personal growth. But there’s a fine line between constructive feedback and constant criticism.
When someone constantly critiques everything you do, it can be incredibly damaging to your self-esteem. They might disguise it as ‘helping you improve,’ but in reality, they’re chipping away at your confidence.
Constant criticism is not a sign of care but a form of control. It suggests that you’re never good enough and that you should always strive to meet the critic’s standards.
Sound familiar?
Your worth is not determined by someone else’s opinion of you. Don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise. It’s not about being overly sensitive; it’s about respecting yourself enough to say, “I don’t deserve this.”
2) One-sided relationships
This is a big one.
I’ve seen countless examples of one-sided relationships. These are situations where one person is putting in all the effort, while the other is just coasting along, reaping the benefits without contributing much.
I’ve been there personally too, bending over backward for someone who wouldn’t lift a finger for me. It’s exhausting and completely devalues your worth.
Here’s the thing: relationships are all about give and take. If you’re doing all the giving and they’re doing all the taking, it’s not a healthy relationship; it’s a parasitic one.
In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I delve deeper into how to identify and break free from these types of toxic relationships.
But for the moment just know that you deserve a relationship that values your input and appreciates your efforts. A relationship where your partner is just as invested in making things work as you are.
3) Constant lack of punctuality
We all run late occasionally. Life is unpredictable, and sometimes things just don’t go according to plan. But there’s a significant difference between occasional tardiness and a constant lack of punctuality.
When someone in your life regularly fails to show up on time, it can be more than just an inconvenience—it’s a sign of disrespect.
Think about it. Every time someone shows up late, they are essentially saying that their time is more valuable than yours. They make you wait, disrupting your schedule and plans.
Over time, this can erode your self-respect and make you feel undervalued.
4) Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a serious form of psychological manipulation where someone makes you doubt your perceptions, memories, and sanity. This behavior erodes your self-respect and can severely impact your mental health.
Imagine confronting your partner about a hurtful comment, only for them to deny it ever happened, saying, “You’re too sensitive,” or “You’re imagining things.” Over time, you start doubting your own memory and judgment. This is gaslighting—an intentional tactic to keep you off balance and submissive.
In one of my early relationships, I experienced gaslighting firsthand. Whenever I brought up issues, my partner would accuse me of being forgetful or dramatic. If I mentioned feeling neglected after they canceled plans, they’d respond with, “I never said we were definitely going out,” making me question my reality.
Gaslighting can occur in any relationship. For instance, a friend might deny a conversation you clearly remember, or a coworker might forget an email and blame you for not informing them. A partner could respond to your hurt by saying, “You’re overreacting,” minimizing your feelings.
This behavior is abusive and damaging. If you recognize these signs, take action. Trust your perceptions; your feelings and memories are valid. Document events to reinforce your memory and clearly communicate that you won’t tolerate manipulation. Seeking professional help from a therapist can also assist you in rebuilding your self-confidence.
Gaslighting is a serious issue. Trust your instincts, set boundaries, and seek support if needed. You deserve a reality where your truth and sanity are respected.
5) Frequent disrespect of any form
When I was just starting out in my career, I had a mentor who shared a pearl of wisdom that stuck with me. She said, “Tina, always remember that respect is a two-way street. If you don’t get it, don’t give it.”
That advice has guided me throughout my life. No relationship, be it professional or personal, is worth your dignity. Disrespect can come in many forms – from belittling comments to outright insults.
Tolerating it any form is a surefire sign that you’re compromising your self-respect. You deserve to be treated with kindness and consideration, just like everyone else.
Conclusion
Self-respect is the foundation of a healthy, satisfying life. If you’re tolerating any of these behaviors, it might be a sign that you need to work on your self-respect.
Remember, you are worthy of love, respect, and consideration. You have every right to set boundaries and demand decency from others.
It’s not always easy, but it’s worth it. Because when you respect yourself, others will, too. And more importantly, you’ll lead a happier, healthier life.
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Until next time, stay strong.
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