Okay, so you might be thinking – Stoicism? Really? Isn’t that all about denying emotions and living a life of austerity?
Well, no, actually.
Stoicism is about embracing the inevitability of change, practicing mindfulness, and focusing on things within our control. It’s about finding balance and maintaining tranquility amidst the storms of life.
And when you think about it, aren’t these things we could all use in our relationships?
With this in mind, I’m going to share with you five daily Stoic practices that might just transform your relationship into the happy and successful one you desire.
Let’s dive in.
1. Practice acceptance
You know how they say, “Accept the things you cannot change”?
It’s a cornerstone of Stoic philosophy, and it’s also a game-changer in relationships.
See, we often get frustrated when our partner doesn’t behave the way we want them to. We might wish they were more organized, less introverted, or perhaps more romantic.
But here’s the thing: these are things beyond our control.
Instead of getting annoyed, try accepting your partner for who they are. Their quirks, their strengths, their weaknesses – all of it. This doesn’t mean you can’t communicate your needs or desires. It just means understanding that people are different, and that’s okay.
When we practice acceptance, we let go of unnecessary stress and conflict. We focus on appreciating our partner for their unique individuality.
Give it a try. You might be surprised at how much smoother your relationship becomes when you start embracing acceptance.
2. Embrace the present
How often do we find ourselves either ruminating about the past or worrying about the future? We miss out on what’s happening right now, right in front of us.
Stoicism teaches us to live in the present. To cherish the here and now.
And a lesson I have learned is that it’s crucial for a happy relationship.
A few years back, I was in a relationship where we were constantly worried about what’s next. Where will we be in five years? What about our careers? When will we start a family?
It was always about the future.
We were so caught up in these thoughts that we forgot to enjoy the moments we were living. The laughter over a silly joke, the quiet comfort of just being together, those spontaneous weekend getaways – we took it all for granted.
It wasn’t until we parted ways that I realized what we’d lost.
Now, I make it a point to truly be present in my relationship. To appreciate every moment and every emotion. And believe me, it has made all the difference.
Living in the present doesn’t mean you don’t plan for the future. It just means you don’t let the uncertainties of tomorrow steal the joy of today.
3. Practice empathy
“Habituate yourself not to be attentive to what another has to say, and so far as possible be in the mind of the speaker” – Marcus Aurelius (The Meditations of the Emperor Marcus Antoninus, 1944)
Stoicism isn’t just about self-improvement, it’s also about improving our relationships with others. And one of the best ways to do this?
Empathy.
Take a moment to truly understand your partner’s perspective. When they’re upset, don’t just rush to find a solution or dismiss their feelings. Instead, try to understand where they’re coming from.
This isn’t always easy. It requires patience, active listening, and sometimes, putting our own ego aside. But the benefits are worth it.
4. See adversity as a learning experience
Life isn’t always sunshine and roses. It throws curveballs at us. And relationships? They’re no different.
You might face disagreements, setbacks, or even crises. But, as a Stoic would say, it’s not about what happens to you. It’s about how you respond to it.
Resilience. That’s what we need.
I’ll admit, it’s not easy. There are days when you just want to throw in the towel. Days when everything feels like an uphill battle.
But here’s what I’ve learned: resilience is like a muscle. The more you use it, the stronger it gets.
And how do you build this resilience? By choosing to keep going even when things get tough. By learning from your mistakes and not letting them define you.
By understanding that pain is temporary and it’s our reaction to it that truly matters.
Next time you face a hurdle in your relationship, don’t see it as a stumbling block. See it the Stoic way as an opportunity to grow stronger together.
The most beautiful relationships are not those without problems, but those who have learned to overcome them together.
5. Show gratitude
In the hustle and bustle of everyday life, it’s easy to take our partners for granted.
But Stoicism reminds us to pause and appreciate the good in our lives. This includes people. As put by Marcus Aurelius:
“think upon the merits of those who are alive with you; the energy of one, for instance, the modesty of another, the generosity of a third, of another some other gift.” – Marcus Aurelius (The Meditations of the Emperor Marcus Antoninus, 1944)
Think about it. Your partner is there for you through thick and thin. They share your joys, your sorrows, your dreams. They see you at your best and your worst, and yet they choose to stay.
Isn’t that something to be grateful for?
Let’s not wait for special occasions to express our gratitude. Let’s make it a part of our everyday life. A simple “thank you” for their support, a heartfelt compliment, or even a warm hug can mean the world to them.
Showing gratitude not only makes our partners feel loved and valued but also reinforces our own feelings of love and appreciation. It’s a win-win situation.
Final reflections
If you’ve found yourself nodding along as you read these points, it’s likely that the teachings of Stoicism align with your quest for a healthier relationship.
Begin by applying these principles in small ways.
Practice acceptance when you disagree with your partner. Embrace the present during shared moments. Show gratitude for their love and support.
Notice the impact of these changes, not just on your relationship but on your personal growth, too.
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Until next time, stay Stoic.
What would Marcus Aurelius say?
Unsure what to do next in your career? Struggling to move on from a failed relationship? Searching for more meaning in life?
Marcus Aurelius can tell you how to face your challenges in a more Stoic way.
Simply ask your question, and Marcus Aurelius will answer.
