Earning the respect of others isn’t always as simple as it seems. It’s not just about what you say, but also what you choose not to talk about.
When it comes to conversations, some topics are better left untouched. They might seem harmless, but they could be silently diminishing the respect others have for you.
In my quest to earn respect, I’ve discovered seven specific things that should never cross your lips if you desire others’ esteem.
Stick around, and I’ll reveal these conversational no-go zones.
1) Personal achievements
“When you have adopted the simple life, do not pride yourself upon it, and if you are a water-drinker do not say on every occasion, ‘I am a water-drinker.’ And if you ever want to train laboriously, keep it to yourself and do not make a show of it.” (The Discourses of Epictetus , 1916)
We all love to be recognized for our accomplishments. It’s a human instinct. But there’s a fine line between sharing and boasting.
When we constantly talk about our achievements, it can come off as self-centered and egotistical. People may perceive us as being too focused on ourselves and our successes. This can make them feel inferior and, in turn, lose respect for us.
I’m not suggesting you downplay your achievements or hide them away. It’s about the manner in which you present them. If someone asks about your accomplishments, by all means, share them. But don’t bring them up unnecessarily.
Humility is key to earning respect. Next time you feel the urge to share your latest victory, pause and consider how it may be received.
2) The faults of others
No one likes a gossip, and I learned this the hard way. Years ago, I was part of a close-knit group of friends. We shared everything – good times, bad times, secrets, you name it. But I made a grave error one day.
I disclosed a friend’s personal issue to another friend, thinking it was harmless chatter. Word got around, and soon, everyone knew about it. The friend was hurt and felt betrayed. It was a painful lesson for me.
Talking about other people’s faults or mistakes, even when they’re not around, can quickly erode the respect others have for you. It makes you appear untrustworthy and unkind.
When you’re tempted to talk about someone else’s failings, remember my story. It’s better to keep such information to yourself. Trust me, your reputation will be better off for it.
3) Controversial topics
Religion, politics, and money – three topics that have been known to cause tension in conversations since time began it seems.
These subjects are deeply personal and varied in viewpoint. They can easily trigger heated debates and conflicts.
Look, it’s crucial to have your own opinions but it’s equally important to respect others’ perspectives. If you’re keen on preserving respect in your relationships, it’s best to avoid these sensitive subjects, or approach them with utmost caution and respect for differing viewpoints.
4) Negativity and complaints
We all have bad days. Days when nothing seems to go right, and all we want to do is vent. But be careful not to transform this into a habit.
Constantly expressing negativity or complaining about everything can be draining for those around you. It paints you as a pessimist and might drive people away.
Instead, try focusing on the positive aspects of your life and share those with others. People are more likely to respect, and feel comfortable around, someone who exudes positivity rather than negativity.
It’s okay to vent sometimes, but don’t let it become your conversation trademark.
5) Intimate details
We all have personal lives, with moments and experiences that are close to our hearts. While it’s good to share and be open, there’s a limit to what should be shared.
Disclosing overly intimate details about your life can make others uncomfortable. It can also make you appear as if you lack boundaries or discretion.
The beauty of personal experiences is in their privacy. When we keep certain things to ourselves, we maintain a sense of mystery and respect.
Respect others by respecting your own privacy. In doing so, you create a space for trust and mutual respect to flourish.
6) Your fears and insecurities
I remember a time when I believed that sharing my fears and insecurities would make me appear weak. I thought it would make people less likely to respect or trust in my capabilities. But over time, I’ve come to realize that it’s not the sharing that can diminish respect, but rather how often and with whom we share these insecurities.
Fears and insecurities are part of being human. We all have them, and sometimes, sharing them can help us bond with others. However, constantly talking about them can portray a lack of self-confidence.
People respect those who are self-assured and confident.
While it’s okay to share your vulnerabilities occasionally with trusted friends or family, avoid making it a regular topic of conversation with everyone you meet. It’s about striking the right balance.
7) Gossip
If there’s one thing that can instantly tarnish your reputation and diminish respect, it’s gossip. Engaging in gossip is not only disrespectful to the person being talked about, but it also reflects poorly on you.
When you engage in gossip, you’re showing a lack of respect for others’ privacy. It also suggests that you might not be trustworthy. After all, if you’re talking about someone behind their back, who’s to say you won’t do the same to the person you’re talking to?
Stay well away from gossip. It’s a toxic habit that does more harm than good. Show respect for others by respecting their privacy and trust in you.
Final thoughts: The essence of respect
At the heart of respect lies a fundamental principle – treating others how we would like to be treated.
When we steer clear of discussing these eight things, it’s not about being secretive or inauthentic. It’s about demonstrating empathy, understanding, and respect for others’ feelings and perspectives.
Nurturing respect is a continuous journey. It’s about being aware of our words and actions and how they impact those around us. As we navigate through our conversations and relationships, let’s remember the power our words hold in shaping the respect we earn.
It’s a delicate dance between sharing and withholding, speaking and listening. But once mastered, this dance can lead to a lifetime of meaningful and respectful relationships.
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