Have you ever pondered about what’s stopping you from being truly happy?
I have; it’s a question I often find myself thinking about.
I don’t have all the answers, of course, but through life experiences, self-reflection, and valuable insights from wise individuals, I’ve definitely discovered that certain behaviors are happiness killers.
Calling them ‘behaviors’ might sound pretty formal, but trust me, these are everyday actions that could be sabotaging your joy without you even realizing it.
Letting go of them has been a game-changer in my pursuit of genuine happiness.
They could be the key to unlocking yours, too.
Let’s get started.
1) Holding onto grudges
One of the most detrimental behaviors I’ve had to confront in my personal happiness journey is the act of holding onto grudges.
We all have been wronged at some point, and it’s easy to cling to those feelings of hurt and betrayal. However, living with these grudges is like carrying a heavy backpack – it only weighs us down.
For me, letting go of grudges isn’t about forgetting the wrongs done to me or excusing unacceptable behavior. It’s about freeing myself from the chains of resentment that were hindering me from experiencing joy and peace.
Holding onto them is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to suffer. It’s not just about what you hold onto; it’s about how it affects your mental state and overall happiness.
Since I began consciously releasing these grudges, I’ve noticed a significant improvement in my emotional health and general happiness level.
This is actually backed-up studies, too. Research has shown that forgiving people “decreases anger, anxiety, and depression and increases self-esteem.”
It might seem challenging, but the freedom it brings is truly liberating.
2) Chasing perfection
As a recovering perfectionist, I can attest to the detrimental impact of this behavior on my pursuit of happiness.
Growing up, I was always driven by a desire to excel in everything I did. But soon, this evolved into an obsession with perfection. Every minor flaw became magnified in my eyes, leading to stress and dissatisfaction.
Letting go of perfection isn’t about settling for mediocrity. It’s about understanding that mistakes and flaws are an integral part of being human. They’re not signs of weakness but opportunities for growth and learning.
Chasing perfection is like chasing a mirage—it’s elusive and leaves you feeling empty and unfulfilled. It’s not just about what you’re striving for; it’s about how it’s affecting your peace of mind and happiness.
Since I’ve started embracing my imperfections, I’ve noticed a significant increase in my self-acceptance and overall happiness. It’s tough, but the relief it brings is immeasurable.
3) Living in the past or future
According to a study conducted by Harvard University, people spend almost 47% of their waking hours thinking about something other than what they are doing, and this mind-wandering typically affects their well-being.
I can relate to this; I used to spend a lot of time either dwelling on past mistakes or worrying about the future. This mental time travel was robbing me of the joy of living in the present moment.
Books like “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle and mindfulness teachings by Thich Nhat Hanh helped me understand the importance of staying present.
Letting go of this habit isn’t about ignoring the past or future. It’s about realizing that life unfolds in the present moment, and that’s where true happiness can be found.
Living in the past or future is like being a spectator in your own life. It’s not just about where your mind is; it’s about how it affects your ability to enjoy and appreciate the here and now.
4) Comparing yourself to others
In an age of social media, it’s almost second nature to compare our lives with those of others.
However, as noted by experts, social comparison can lead to feelings of dissatisfaction and unhappiness.
I’ve been there, scrutinizing my life against the seemingly perfect lives portrayed on Instagram or Facebook. It was a cycle of self-doubt and discontent that was hard to break free from.
Letting go of this behavior isn’t about becoming complacent or uncaring about self-improvement; it’s about understanding that everyone’s journey is unique and that comparison is a futile game.
Comparing yourself to others is like running a race with no finish line – there will always be someone seemingly ‘ahead’. It’s not just about who you’re comparing yourself with; it’s about how it’s affecting your self-esteem and happiness.
5) Neglecting self-care
Do you often put others’ needs before your own to the point of neglecting your self-care?
I used to fall into this trap, prioritizing everyone else’s needs and wishes above my own. As a result, my health and happiness suffered.
Discarding this behavior isn’t about becoming selfish or uncaring; it’s about understanding that you can’t pour from an empty cup. Taking care of yourself allows you to show up as your best self for others.
6) Seeking validation from others
Picture this: You’ve achieved something significant, but instead of basking in the joy of accomplishment, you’re anxiously waiting for others to acknowledge it. Sounds familiar?
I’ve used to do this all the time, relying on others’ validation to affirm my self-worth. It was a constant roller-coaster of emotions, dependent on others’ opinions.
Letting go of external validation isn’t about becoming indifferent to feedback; it’s about understanding that your worth is inherent and not tied to others’ approval.
7) Fearing change
Fearing change is like staying in a cocoon – it’s comfortable, but it prevents you from spreading your wings. It’s not just about what you’re afraid of; it’s about how this fear is limiting your potential for happiness and growth.
Letting go of this fear isn’t about being reckless; it’s about embracing the opportunities that come with change and understanding that our capacity to adapt is one of our greatest strengths.
8) Overcommitting
Saying yes to every opportunity or request that came my way used to be my default mode. I thought it made me dependable and valued, but over time, it led to exhaustion and stress.
Reading “Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less” by Greg McKeown opened my eyes to the importance of discernment in commitments. It taught me that saying no to less important things means saying yes to what truly matters.
Discarding this habit isn’t about becoming unreliable; it’s about understanding your limits and prioritizing your time and energy effectively.
Overcommitting is like trying to fill a cup that’s already full – it leads to unnecessary spillage and waste. It’s not just about how much you’re committing to; it’s about how it’s affecting your balance and happiness.
The bottom line
Ditch these behaviors, embrace change, and unlock the door to a happier you. It’s time to let go of what’s weighing you down and start soaring!
Now it’s over to you. Are there any behaviors I’ve missed? Have you also managed to ditch some of these?
We’d love to hear your experiences in the comments.
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Thanks for reading.
Until next time, stay strong.
What would Marcus Aurelius say?
Unsure what to do next in your career? Struggling to move on from a failed relationship? Searching for more meaning in life?
Marcus Aurelius can tell you how to face your challenges in a more Stoic way.
Simply ask your question, and Marcus Aurelius will answer.
