Building a lasting relationship isn’t just about romance and chemistry, it’s also about adopting certain principles that can weather any storm.
Stoicism, an ancient philosophy, is packed with wisdom that can help you navigate the ups and downs of any relationship.
When you incorporate these stoic principles into your relationship, you’re not just hoping for longevity, you’re actively working towards it.
Here are 8 stoic principles that can help form the foundation of a strong, lasting relationship.
1) Understand your control
One of the most powerful stoic principles is understanding what’s within your control and what isn’t.
In a relationship, there will be things you cannot control – your partner’s mood, their decisions, or the traffic that made them late for dinner.
Fretting over these uncontrollable aspects will only lead to unnecessary stress and frustration.
Instead, focus on what you can control, like your reactions, your emotions, and your actions.
Stoicism teaches us to let go of the uncontrollable and to concentrate on our own actions and responses. This principle can help you cultivate patience, understanding, and a sense of calm in your relationship.
Remember, it’s not about controlling your partner or the relationship but about understanding your role and what you can contribute to it.
2) Embrace imperfections
Stoicism reminds us that nobody’s perfect, not even our partners. And let me tell you, this principle has been a game-changer for my own relationships.
I remember in my past relationship, I used to get upset over the smallest things.
If my partner forgot to do the dishes or if they didn’t remember a date that was important to me, I’d let these little things ruin my day.
Then I stumbled upon Stoicism and began to understand that these imperfections are just a part of being human.
I started embracing the imperfections, both mine and theirs.
Instead of getting upset over forgotten chores, I learned to communicate my feelings effectively.
Instead of holding onto resentment over forgotten dates, I started focusing on the times when they did remember.
This shift in perspective didn’t just ease the tension in my relationship but also made me a more understanding and compassionate partner. So remember, your partner is human and humans are imperfect. Embrace it.
3) Practice detachment
In stoicism, detachment doesn’t mean being unfeeling or uncaring. Rather, it’s about understanding the transient nature of things, including relationships.
Historically, Stoics like Epictetus would carry tokens reminding them of the fleeting nature of life. This practice enabled them to appreciate their relationships more deeply, while also preparing them for any potential loss.
Applying this principle in your relationship means cherishing the moments you have with your partner, but also recognizing that circumstances can change.
This understanding can help you navigate through tough times in your relationship and appreciate the good times even more.
4) Expect adversity
Stoic philosophy teaches us that life isn’t always smooth sailing. There will be storms and turbulence, and this applies to relationships too.
Arguments, misunderstandings, and disagreements are part of any relationship.
Instead of viewing these as negative, consider them opportunities for growth and understanding.
When you expect and accept adversity as a natural part of your relationship, you learn to handle conflicts more effectively.
You become less reactive and more responsive, leading to healthier communication and a stronger bond with your partner.
5) Practice gratitude
Stoicism encourages us to be grateful for what we have, right here, right now.
In the context of your relationship, this means appreciating your partner for who they are and for the love you share.
It’s easy to take our loved ones for granted, especially when we’re caught up in the hustle and bustle of everyday life.
But imagine waking up each day and consciously thanking your partner for their presence in your life. Expressing this gratitude not only enhances your bond but also fosters a positive environment in your relationship.
When you’re grateful for the love you have today, you create a space where that love can flourish tomorrow.
So take a moment, look at your partner, and just say, “Thank you.” That simple act of gratitude can make a world of difference.
6) Seek wisdom
Stoics believe in the pursuit of wisdom, which includes understanding oneself and others better.
Once, I found myself in a relationship where we seemed to be arguing more than we were talking. It was mentally exhausting.
Taking a step back, I realized that I was not really understanding my partner. I was hearing them, but not really listening.
I decided to seek wisdom, to understand their perspective instead of just pushing my own. It wasn’t easy, but it was worth it.
As I strived to understand them better, our communication improved, and so did our relationship.
In your relationship, strive for wisdom. Understand your partner’s fears, their dreams, their quirks, and their passions.
The more you understand them, the deeper your connection will be.
7) Be present
Stoicism emphasizes the importance of living in the present moment.
It’s easy to get caught up in the ‘what ifs’ of the future or dwell on past mistakes, but doing so can rob you of the joy in the present.
In your relationship, it’s crucial to be fully present. Whether you’re having dinner together, taking a walk, or simply cuddling on the couch, give your undivided attention to your partner and to the moment.
Being present allows you to truly connect with your partner and build deeper emotional intimacy.
So put away your phone, forget about your worries, and just be there in the moment with your partner.
8) Love unconditionally
At the heart of Stoicism, and indeed of any lasting relationship, is the practice of unconditional love.
This means loving your partner without expecting anything in return, accepting them for who they are, and forgiving them for their mistakes.
Unconditional love is not just about feeling good, it’s about doing good even when it’s hard. It’s about putting your partner’s needs before your own and choosing to love them even when they’re being unlovable.
In the end, it’s this kind of love that stands the test of time and makes a relationship truly lasting.
Final reflections: A journey of love and growth
In the end, relationships, like life, are a journey. They’re not about reaching a destination but about learning and growing together.
The Stoic philosophy, with its emphasis on wisdom, self-control, and virtue, provides profound guidance for this journey.
Adopting these Stoic principles doesn’t guarantee a problem-free relationship – nothing can. But it equips you with the tools to navigate through any storm that comes your way.
So take a moment to reflect. How can these principles enhance your relationship? How can they make your journey of love and growth richer and more fulfilling?
What would Marcus Aurelius say?
Unsure what to do next in your career? Struggling to move on from a failed relationship? Searching for more meaning in life?
Marcus Aurelius can tell you how to face your challenges in a more Stoic way.
Simply ask your question, and Marcus Aurelius will answer.
