Have you ever felt overwhelmed by the demands and expectations of those around you, constantly putting others’ needs before your own?
If so, you’re not alone. Many of us fall into the trap of people-pleasing, a habit that can strip us of our peace and well-being.
Today, we dive into five common people-pleasing habits that you need to say goodbye to if you want to find true inner peace.
Let’s get to it.
1) Saying “yes” when really you want to say no
There’s a common habit among people-pleasers that can truly rob you of your peace. It’s the habit of saying “yes” when you really want to say “no”.
Oftentimes, we find ourselves agreeing to things we don’t want to do, simply because we fear disappointing others. It’s a way of avoiding conflict, but at what cost?
The truth is that this habit can lead to feelings of resentment, stress, and even burnout. Because every time you say “yes” when you mean “no”, you’re prioritizing others’ needs over your own.
And the thing is, it’s okay to say “no”. It’s not about being selfish or unkind; it’s about setting boundaries and respecting your own needs and well-being.
It’s your life, and you have every right to make choices that serve you best. So if there’s something you don’t want to do, be honest about it.
Saying “no” might feel uncomfortable at first, but with time, it gets easier. And trust me, it’s a crucial step towards finding genuine peace in life.
Go ahead, say “no” when you need to. You’ll thank yourself later.
2) Seeking validation from others
It’s human nature to seek approval and validation from those around us. But when we rely too heavily on others’ opinions to feel good about ourselves, we give away our power and peace of mind.
Science backs this up: A study by Jennifer Crocker, PhD, a psychologist at the University of Michigan’s Institute for Social Research, found that people who depend on external sources for their self-worth are more likely to experience stress, anger, and relationship conflicts.
Why? Because their happiness hinges on how others perceive them, which is something they can’t control. They often bend over backwards to please others, even at the expense of their own happiness and well-being.
It’s time to shift the focus from seeking external validation to cultivating self-validation. This means recognizing your worth and valuing your own thoughts, feelings, and actions.
Remember, your worth isn’t determined by what others think of you. It’s defined by who you are and what you believe in. So let go of this people-pleasing habit and embrace self-validation for a more peaceful life.
3) Over-apologizing
I used to be a chronic over-apologizer. I’d say “sorry” for just about everything, even when it wasn’t my fault. I remember once apologizing to a stranger who bumped into me on the street!
This habit was so deeply ingrained in me that I didn’t even realize I was doing it. But over time, I noticed something interesting. Each unnecessary “sorry” was chipping away at my self-esteem and inner peace.
Why?
Because when we over-apologize, we’re essentially saying that we’re in the wrong all the time. This can plant a seed of self-doubt and make us feel like we’re always at fault.
I knew something had to change. I made a conscious effort to stop over-apologizing. It was tough at first, breaking a habit that had become second nature.
But soon, I started noticing a shift in my mindset and overall well-being.
The bottom line?
Apologize when it’s necessary, but remember that not everything warrants an apology from you.
4) Avoiding confrontation
Confrontation can be scary. The fear of conflict and potential fallout often drives us to stay silent, even when we’re uncomfortable or unhappy with a situation.
However, avoiding confrontation is not the path to peace. In fact, it often does the opposite. It lets problems fester and grow, leading to a buildup of resentment and stress.
The key here is to learn how to engage in healthy confrontation. This means expressing your feelings and needs in a respectful and assertive manner, without being aggressive or defensive.
Sure, it might feel challenging at first. But remember, it’s better to address issues head-on than let them simmer beneath the surface.
Letting go of this people-pleasing habit will not only improve your relationships but also bring you one step closer to genuine peace in life.
5) Neglecting self-care
Back in the day, I was always on the go. I had a jam-packed schedule, always trying to meet everyone else’s needs. My own needs?
They were put on the back burner.
I didn’t realize it then, but this constant neglect of self-care was taking a toll on my physical and mental health. I was constantly tired, stressed, and just not at peace.
One day, I woke up and realized that I couldn’t pour from an empty cup. I decided to make a change. I started prioritizing self-care – be it a relaxing bath, a quiet walk in the park, or just some quiet time with a good book.
It’s been a game-changer for me. I’ve learned that taking care of myself is not selfish; it’s necessary. And it’s one of the most important steps toward finding peace.
So, if you are always catering to others at the expense of your own well-being, it’s time to rethink. Prioritize self-care and watch how it transforms your life and brings you closer to the peace you desire.
Embracing the journey to peace
Finding peace is not a one-time act. It’s a continuous journey, one that requires conscious effort and commitment.
As you bid goodbye to these people-pleasing habits, you embark on this journey of self-discovery and self-love.
As you let go of these habits, you’ll realize that you’re not just saying goodbye to people-pleasing; you’re saying hello to a life of authenticity, self-respect, and, most importantly, inner peace.
It won’t be easy, but keep in mind that every step you take towards breaking these habits, no matter how small, brings you closer to the peace you seek.
What would Marcus Aurelius say?
Unsure what to do next in your career? Struggling to move on from a failed relationship? Searching for more meaning in life?
Marcus Aurelius can tell you how to face your challenges in a more Stoic way.
Simply ask your question, and Marcus Aurelius will answer.
