If you want to be happier as you get older, say goodbye to these 9 behaviors

Life is nothing if not a grand adventure filled with lessons, experiences, and a fair share of surprises. Along the way, we pick up a mixed bag of habits and behaviors.

Some of these serve us well, while others?

Not so much.

If you’re keen on increasing your happiness quota as you age, it’s high time you kick these 9 behaviors to the curb.

Let’s dive in.

1) Holding on to grudges

We’ve all had someone wrong us in the past. Every time we think of them, our blood boils, and our heart rate spikes.

But ask yourself this: Is holding on to that grudge serving you any good? Is it making your life better, or is it just an emotional albatross hanging around your neck?

Resentment is a waste of our energy. It’s like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get sick. In reality, it’s you who suffers. The anger, the frustration – they’re all on you and they’re stealing your peace of mind.

Modern research actually backs this. Experts have found that forgiveness actually improves mental health and well-being.

So, as hard as it may be, it’s time to let go. It doesn’t mean that what they did was okay; it means that you’re choosing your happiness over your resentment. The only person you hurt when you hold a grudge is yourself.

2) Overthinking everything

We all have those moments where our mind goes into overdrive, and we start overanalyzing everything.

For instance, I remember a time when I sent an email to a client, and I didn’t get a response for a couple of days. What did I do?

I went on an overthinking spree. I questioned every word in that email, wondering if I said something wrong or if I offended them somehow.

In reality, they were just busy and responded when they had the time.

Unfortunately, overthinking often leads to unnecessary stress and anxiety. It can keep you up at night, make you second guess yourself, and even hinder your ability to make decisions. And let’s be honest, most of the things we worry about never actually happen.

3) Seeking validation from others

Marcus Aurelius, one of the prominent Stoic philosophers, once said:

“How great a rest from labour he gains who does not look to what his neighbour says or does or thinks but only what himeslf is doing” (The Meditations of the Emperor Marcus Antoninus, 1944)

This quote encapsulates the quest for external validation that many of us are guilty of. We often hinge our self-worth on the opinions of others, forgetting that true validation comes from within.

Your value does not decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.

4) Avoiding discomfort and challenges

Picture this: you’re sitting in your comfortable armchair, sipping a hot cup of coffee, and reading your favorite book. Suddenly, your phone rings. It’s your friend inviting you to join a new exercise group.

The thought of getting up early, sweating it out, and pushing yourself physically makes you uncomfortable. So, you make an excuse and continue with your comfortable routine. Sound familiar?

We often avoid discomfort and challenges, choosing to stay in our safe bubbles. But here’s the hard truth – growth doesn’t come from comfort zones. And if we constantly avoid discomfort, we are also avoiding opportunities to grow, learn, and become stronger.

Stoicism teaches us to embrace discomfort and view challenges as opportunities for growth. It encourages us to step out of our comfort zones and face our fears head-on because that’s where real progress happens.

As put by Seneca, “Manliness gains much strength by being challenged” (Ad Lucilium Epistulae Morales,1917).

Next time you’re faced with a potentially uncomfortable situation or challenge, don’t run away from it – embrace it. You might surprise yourself with what you’re capable of.

5) Neglecting physical health

According to a study published in the National Library of Medicine, regular physical activity can significantly improve happiness and well-being among adults of all ages.

However, many of us tend to neglect our physical health as we get older, citing reasons such as lack of time, energy, or motivation.

Our bodies are our temples, and their maintenance is crucial for our overall well-being. Regular exercise not only keeps us physically fit but also boosts our mood and reduces the risk of chronic disease.

6) Being too hard on yourself

I remember a time when I had a big presentation at work. I prepared for it meticulously, but on the day, I stumbled upon a few words and forgot a crucial point.

Instead of focusing on the parts that went well, all I could think about was that one mistake. I berated myself for days, questioning my capabilities.

Does this sound familiar?

Many of us tend to be our own harshest critics. We magnify our mistakes and shortcomings, often overlooking our accomplishments and strengths.

But this kind of self-criticism can be detrimental to our mental health and self-esteem.

Stoicism reminds us that everyone makes mistakes – they’re a part of being human. Even Marcus Aurelius told himself, “Don’t be disgusted, don’t give up, don’t be impatient if you do not carry out entirely conduct based in every detail upon right principles; but after a fall return again” (The Meditations of the Emperor Marcus Antoninus, 1944)

Instead of criticizing ourselves for our failures, we should learn from them and use them as stepping stones towards improvement.

We are all works in progress, no matter how old we are.

7) Living in the past or future

“Each of us lives only in the present, this brief moment; the rest is either a life that is past or is an uncertain future” – Marcus Aurelius (The Meditations of the Emperor Marcus Antoninus, 1944)

Do you often find yourself replaying past events in your mind, wishing you could go back and change things? Or maybe you’re constantly worrying about the future, about things that haven’t even happened yet?

If so, you’re not alone.

So many of us spend so much time dwelling on the past or fretting about the future that we forget to live in the present.

As noted by Marcus Aurelius, the past is gone, and the future is uncertain. The only thing we truly have control over is the present moment. By focusing on the here and now, we can fully engage with our lives and reduce anxiety and stress.

Living in the moment doesn’t mean we shouldn’t learn from our past or plan for our future. It simply means we should not let these thoughts consume us to the point where they steal our present joy.

8) Ignoring your emotions

“Man up.” “Don’t be so sensitive.”

These are phrases many of us have heard at some point in our lives. They promote the idea that showing emotions is a sign of weakness when, in fact, it’s a crucial part of being human.

It’s like trying to hold a beach ball underwater – it takes a lot of effort and eventually, it’s going to pop back up anyway.

Stoicism doesn’t encourage us to suppress our emotions, but rather to understand and manage them.

Stoics believe that we can’t control our initial emotional reactions to situations, but we can control how we respond to these reactions. By acknowledging our emotions and understanding what triggers them, we can prevent them from controlling us.

9) Comparing yourself to others

In our social media-driven world, it’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to others. We see snapshots of people’s lives – their accomplishments, extravagant vacations, perfect families – and we feel inadequate.

But remember, what you see on social media is often a carefully curated highlight reel, not the full picture.

There will always be someone who has more or does more. And the more we compare, the unhappier we become. It’s like chasing a moving target – once you reach where you wanted to be, the target moves further away.

Stoicism teaches us to focus on our own progress and journey rather than comparing it to others’. It encourages us to find contentment in our own achievements and to recognize our own worth.