As parents, we all want the best for our children. We dream of watching them grow into strong, confident adults who can navigate life’s challenges with resilience and grace. But the path to raising successful children isn’t always clear, is it?
If there’s one thing I’ve learned as a father, it’s that our role isn’t just to provide for our children but to prepare them for life. We can’t protect them from every hardship or disappointment they’ll face, but we can arm them with the habits and mindset that will help them flourish, no matter what life throws their way.
That’s where Stoicism comes in. The teachings of the Stoics have been a guiding light in my own life, and they offer timeless wisdom that can shape the way we parent.
If you really want your children to grow into the kind of adults who thrive—adults who are confident, calm, and capable—teaching them these Stoic habits is a powerful place to start.
1) To focus on what they can control
As parents, we’ve all had those moments where we wish we could shield our children from the difficulties of life. But the truth is, we can’t control the world around them. What we can do is help them understand a fundamental Stoic principle: focus on what’s within their control and let go of the rest.
Epictetus reminds us, “Of all existing things, some are in our power and others are not in our power. In our power are thought, impulse, will to get and will to avoid… things not in our power include the body, property, reputation, office…” (The Discourses of Epictetus , 1916)
This was a game-changer for me as a father, and it’s something I’ve tried to pass on to my kids.
The earlier children learn that they can’t control every outcome but can control their actions, reactions, and mindset, the better equipped they’ll be to face life’s ups and downs. Whether it’s dealing with a tough teacher, not making the team, or handling friendships, teaching them to focus on their responses instead of the situation itself will build resilience and inner strength.
By instilling this habit in them, we’re giving them the tools to remain calm and centered, even when things don’t go their way. They’ll learn that their power lies not in controlling others or external events, but in mastering themselves.
2) To be grateful for what they have
I think one of the greatest gifts we can give our children is the habit of gratitude. In a world that constantly tells them to want more, to be more, and to never be satisfied, teaching them to appreciate what they already have is a powerful antidote.
Marcus Aurelius put it beautifully: “Do not think of what you do not have as if it is not there, but think of what you have and how much you would desire it if it were not there.” (The Meditations of the Emperor Marcus Antoninus, 1944)
Gratitude helps them shift their focus from what’s missing to what’s abundant. Whether it’s the love of their family, the opportunities they’ve been given, or even the small joys in their day-to-day life, this practice cultivates contentment.
It also fosters humility and helps them avoid the trap of always chasing what’s next. When children grow up learning to be grateful, they develop a deeper sense of fulfillment and are less likely to be swayed by fleeting desires or external pressures.
3) To master their reactions
We’ve all been there—witnessing our children get upset over something small, letting their emotions get the best of them. It’s natural, but it’s also an opportunity to teach them one of the most powerful Stoic habits: mastering their reactions.
As Epictetus wisely said, “What disturbs men’s minds is not events but their judgments on events.” The Stoics believed that it’s not what happens to us that causes distress, but how we interpret and react to it. (The Discourses of Epictetus , 1916)
Helping children understand this simple truth can be life-changing for them.
By encouraging them to pause before reacting, we’re teaching them that they have the power to choose their response. Whether it’s frustration over a sibling’s behavior or disappointment from a bad grade, the ability to step back and assess the situation with a clear mind is a skill that will serve them for life.
This habit doesn’t develop overnight—it takes practice. But once they start to see that they can control their emotions, rather than being controlled by them, they’ll begin to approach challenges with more calm and composure. It’s a gift that can lead to better relationships, more effective problem-solving, and a stronger sense of self-control.
4) To embrace setbacks
Life doesn’t always turn out the way we plan, does it?
This is one of the hardest lessons for kids to learn, but it’s also one of the most essential. Teaching them how to handle setbacks with grace is key to their growth.
Seneca once said, “Manliness gains much strength by being challenged.” (Seneca’s Morals, 1882)
The lesson here?
Adversity isn’t something to be feared; it’s something to be faced. When we show children that obstacles are not roadblocks but opportunities to build character, we give them the tools to become resilient and adaptable.
Instead of shying away from failure or disappointment, encourage them to see these moments as chances to learn and grow. Whether it’s losing a game, not getting the role they wanted in a school play, or struggling with a difficult subject, these experiences shape them far more than easy victories ever could.
5) To live with integrity
Last but certainly not least, teach your children to live with integrity. Integrity is the foundation of a well-lived life. Staying true to their values, no matter the situation is one of the most important lessons they can carry with them.
Marcus Aurelius reminds us, “Never value as an advantage to yourself what will force you one day to break your word.” (The Meditations of the Emperor Marcus Antoninus, 1944)
This principle has guided me through many tough decisions, and it’s a lesson I strive to impart to my kids.
Children are often faced with moments where it seems easier to bend the truth, follow the crowd, or take shortcuts. But when they understand the value of honesty, fairness, and accountability, they learn to stand firm in their principles.
Integrity also fosters trust and reliability—qualities that will serve them well in their relationships, their careers, and their own sense of self-worth. By teaching them to live in alignment with their values, we equip them to navigate life with confidence, knowing that their actions are always rooted in what is right.
The bottom line
Teaching these Stoic habits to your children will set them up for success in ways that truly matter. Resilience, gratitude, integrity, and self-mastery are timeless tools that will help them thrive in an ever-changing world.
What habits have you found most helpful in raising confident, strong kids?
Share your thoughts in the comments below—I’d love to hear your perspective!
What would Marcus Aurelius say?
Unsure what to do next in your career? Struggling to move on from a failed relationship? Searching for more meaning in life?
Marcus Aurelius can tell you how to face your challenges in a more Stoic way.
Simply ask your question, and Marcus Aurelius will answer.
