Growing up in a traditional Asian family, societal expectations were as commonplace as rice at dinner. My parents, immigrants who worked tirelessly to provide a good life in the United States, had always hoped I would follow the well-worn path that many of their friends’ children had already taken: good grades, an Ivy League education, a high-paying job, and a comfortable suburban life.
But from an early age, I felt a disconnect with this path. It wasn’t just the academic pressure or the expectation to choose a career based on prestige over passion. It was the broader societal norms that didn’t quite resonate with me: the need to constantly strive for more — more money, more success, more things.
This internal struggle led me to question and explore alternative ways of thinking about life and society. And then, I stumbled upon stoicism.
Learning about this ancient philosophy was like finding a new language that perfectly described my own thoughts and feelings. Stoicism’s indifference towards societal pressures resonated with me on a deep level.
It made perfect sense — why should we let external factors dictate our happiness or self-worth?
Yet, this newfound perspective didn’t come without its challenges. It was difficult to explain my shift in thinking to my parents and peers. They saw it as an oddity, even bordering on rebellion. But for me, it was about finding peace in my own journey.
Now as I navigate through my thirties, I still grapple with societal expectations and pressures. But I’ve learned to view them through a different lens, thanks to stoicism.
Here’s how my life has changed since embracing this philosophy and how it might just change yours too.
Embracing stoicism and shifting perspectives
My introduction to stoicism was as unexpected as it was transformative. I stumbled upon a book titled “Meditations” by Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius in a used bookstore. It was the first brick in the foundation of my philosophical transformation.
The crux of Aurelius’ message was simple: we can’t control what happens to us, but we can control how we respond.
This idea resonated with me. I realized that societal pressures were external factors which I had no control over. But what I could control was how I reacted to them.
I started applying this principle in various aspects of my life, from my career choices to personal relationships. When faced with criticism or pushback, I learned to ask myself: “Is this within my control?”
If not, I let it go. If it was, I focused on changing my response or attitude.
This shift in perspective wasn’t easy. It meant swimming against the current societal expectations and sometimes facing the disapproval of those around me.
Yet, the tranquility and freedom I experienced through this philosophy were immeasurable. By focusing on what I could control and letting go of what I couldn’t, a great weight lifted off my shoulders.
Challenging the norms about societal pressures
Growing up, I was often told, “This is how things are done.” It was as if there was a universal script everyone had agreed to follow. The narrative dictated that societal pressures were something to be accepted, not questioned.
But here’s the thing: I realized this narrative was not a universal truth but rather a widely accepted belief. Stoicism challenged this belief by suggesting that we have the power to choose our reactions to external circumstances.
I found that most people, including my younger self, believed they had to conform to societal pressures to be successful or happy. But stoicism taught me otherwise.
It showed me that our worth is not defined by external factors but by our inner virtues and our ability to remain unperturbed by external circumstances.
This perspective was a radical departure from the norm. It questioned the very fabric of societal expectations and norms. But it was this challenge that led me to a more peaceful and fulfilling life.
In the following section, I’ll share the steps I took to integrate stoicism into my life and how it helped me navigate societal pressures in a more empowering way.
Integrating stoicism into my life
The first step towards integrating stoicism into my life was understanding its principles. Stoicism is not about being emotionless or indifferent. It’s about recognizing what we can control and what we can’t.
I started by applying this principle to my reaction to societal pressures.
For instance, when faced with a decision, I ask myself, “Am I making this choice because it aligns with my values, or am I influenced by external pressures?”
This simple question helped me differentiate between self-driven choices and those imposed by society.
Next, I practiced mindfulness. Stoicism emphasizes living in the present moment. By doing so, I was able to focus on my actions and decisions rather than worrying about societal expectations.
Finally, I learned to take criticism constructively. Instead of feeling upset or defensive when someone disagreed with my choices, I saw it as an opportunity to learn and grow. This doesn’t mean I disregarded every criticism but rather evaluated it based on its merit.
Adopting stoicism is not about discarding societal norms altogether. It’s about assessing their relevance in your life and choosing what serves you best.
If you find yourself struggling with societal pressures, stoicism could provide a fresh perspective. And from my own experience, I can tell you that it’s been nothing but empowering.
A broader perspective: Embracing self-empowerment
When I began to embrace stoicism, I found a sense of personal empowerment that I hadn’t experienced before. It was about taking full responsibility for my reactions towards societal pressures, regardless of their source.
This shift in mindset not only helped me handle those pressures but also increased my personal power to deal with other life challenges.
Stoicism taught me to think for myself. I realized that many ideas we consider ‘normal’ and ‘true’ are often influenced by societal expectations or cultural programming. By identifying these external influences, I was able to live life on my terms, with more purpose and direction.
It’s important to note that this journey wasn’t about blind positivity. It was about facing the reality of my situation and acknowledging my dissatisfaction. It was about understanding societal conditioning while pursuing my own ambitions and desires.
Here are the key takeaways from my journey:
- Taking responsibility increases personal power.
- Learning to think independently helps you live on your terms.
- Acknowledge dissatisfaction and face reality.
- Understand external influences and societal conditioning.
- Pursue personal ambitions over externally imposed expectations.
- Question societal norms that limit your potential.
This journey of self-exploration reshaped my reality and could potentially do the same for you. As stoicism has taught me, life isn’t about conforming to societal expectations, it’s about creating our own narrative.
I found this resource quite helpful in further understanding stoicism and its practical application. If you’re looking for more insights into this philosophy, it’s a great place to start.
What would Marcus Aurelius say?
Unsure what to do next in your career? Struggling to move on from a failed relationship? Searching for more meaning in life?
Marcus Aurelius can tell you how to face your challenges in a more Stoic way.
Simply ask your question, and Marcus Aurelius will answer.
