Growing up, I was always the calm one in my family. The voice of reason during arguments, the steady hand when things got tough, the silent observer when chaos ensued.
I never really understood why I was like this – I just was. It wasn’t until I stumbled upon an ancient philosophy called Stoicism that everything started to make sense.
Stoicism, a school of thought dating back to Ancient Greece and Rome, promotes tranquility and peace as the ultimate goal. Practicing stoics maintain an even keel by accepting whatever life throws at them with grace and composure.
The moment I learned about Stoicism, something clicked. It was as if someone had held up a mirror to my soul. All my life, I had been unknowingly practicing these principles — from maintaining a level head during stressful situations to accepting life’s ups and downs with equanimity.
This realization came during a time in my life when I was desperately seeking answers. My calm demeanor, often perceived as indifference or aloofness by others, had left me feeling misunderstood. But Stoicism offered a different perspective. It wasn’t indifference — it was acceptance. I wasn’t aloof — I was at peace.
The discovery of Stoicism didn’t just offer validation though; it also challenged certain societal beliefs that had been ingrained in me. The idea that success equates happiness, that wealth is the ultimate goal, that emotions should be suppressed – all these were upended.
But more importantly, Stoicism gave me a name for what I’d been doing all along: practicing equanimity in the face of adversity. It’s been quite a revelation understanding how this ancient philosophy has been guiding my actions and reactions to life’s challenges.
Now, as I navigate through life armed with this newfound understanding, the world makes more sense. But there’s one aspect of Stoicism that still baffles me: its teachings on dealing with negative emotions. This is a part of the philosophy that I’m still grappling with, and it’s where I’ll be focusing my attention next.
Unraveling the Stoic approach to negative emotions
Stoicism, as I’ve come to understand, doesn’t advocate for the repression of emotions.
Instead, it encourages a balanced perspective on them. It’s not about ignoring negative feelings but about acknowledging them, understanding what they’re trying to tell us, and then letting them pass without causing unnecessary distress.
This aspect of Stoicism was initially a challenge for me to grasp. I’d always regarded my calm demeanor as an ability to suppress negative emotions. But as I delved deeper into Stoicism, I realized that wasn’t the case.
Take, for example, a time when I lost a crucial client at work. Instead of panicking or blaming myself, I calmly assessed the situation. Yes, there was disappointment and stress. But rather than suppressing those feelings, I acknowledged them. Then, I moved on to figuring out what went wrong and how to prevent it in future.
This instance — and many others like it — wasn’t about denying my emotions but understanding them from a stoic perspective. It was about recognizing that these emotions are natural reactions to external events, but they do not control me or define my worth.
Adopting this approach has brought a great deal of clarity in my life. However, it has also made me question the popular belief that equates emotional suppression with strength.
In the next section, I will delve into why this belief is not only misguided but can also be detrimental to our overall well-being.
Challenging the myth of emotional suppression
Growing up, I was often praised for my calm demeanor, especially during stressful situations. People said it reflected strength and resilience. But what they didn’t realize was this calmness stemmed not from suppression, but from understanding and acceptance of my emotions.
The common belief is that strength comes from withholding emotions, especially the negative ones. That showing anger, sadness, or fear is a sign of weakness. This notion is not just prevalent but also revered in many societies.
However, my journey with Stoicism has taught me otherwise. It’s not about withholding emotions; it’s about managing them effectively. Emotions are natural responses, and there’s nothing weak about acknowledging them. In fact, it requires immense strength to accept negative emotions and not let them control our actions or judgments.
My approach to handling emotions has often been misunderstood as indifference or aloofness. But that’s far from the truth. I don’t ignore my feelings; I just don’t let them cloud my judgment or dictate my actions.
This stoic perspective challenges the societal belief that emotional suppression equates to strength. And to be honest, adopting this viewpoint hasn’t been easy. It took a lot of introspection and unlearning to get here.
In the next part of this journey, I’ll share how I managed to navigate this dichotomy and find a balance that works for me.
Finding balance through self-reflection
Coming to terms with my natural inclination towards Stoicism required a lot of self-reflection. Being honest with oneself is, after all, the first step towards personal growth.
If you find yourself resonating with my journey, here’s what helped me navigate the process. First, I took the time to understand my emotions. I acknowledged their existence and accepted them for what they were – natural responses to life’s ups and downs.
Next, instead of reacting impulsively, I practiced pausing. This pause allowed me to assess the situation rationally and respond in a more balanced manner. It wasn’t about ignoring my emotions; it was about not letting them take control.
Finally, I learned to be patient with myself. Change doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time and consistent effort. So be gentle with yourself as you navigate this journey of self-discovery.
Remember, it’s not about suppressing emotions but managing them effectively. And while it might be challenging at first, believe me when I say that the peace and clarity it brings is worth the effort.
Taking a step back: The path to self-empowerment
Navigating through life’s challenges using Stoicism as a guiding principle has been a transformative journey for me. But it isn’t just about managing emotions or staying calm under pressure. It’s about taking responsibility, learning to think for oneself, and breaking free from societal expectations.
Firstly, instead of blaming external factors for my emotions, I took responsibility. This shift in mindset not only increased my personal power but also helped me navigate other challenges with ease.
Next, I learned to question societal norms and expectations. Most of our beliefs come from societal conditioning – parental expectations, cultural programming, and so on. Breaking free from these external influences allowed me to live life on my own terms.
Here are the key points that my journey with Stoicism has taught me:
- Take responsibility for your emotional responses.
- Learn to think independently, free from societal expectations.
- Acknowledge your emotions but don’t let them control you.
- Embrace self-development for personal growth.
- Align your life with your true nature by questioning societal norms.
Taking a step back from the immediate situation and looking at the bigger picture, it becomes clear that it’s not just about managing a single issue or emotion. It’s about reshaping our entire outlook on life.
If you’re interested in diving deeper into Stoicism and how it can help you navigate life’s ups and downs, I recommend checking out this resource. It was incredibly helpful for me during my journey and I believe it could be beneficial for you as well.
Remember, self-empowerment comes from understanding ourselves better. So embrace this journey of self-exploration and see how it can reshape your reality.
What would Marcus Aurelius say?
Unsure what to do next in your career? Struggling to move on from a failed relationship? Searching for more meaning in life?
Marcus Aurelius can tell you how to face your challenges in a more Stoic way.
Simply ask your question, and Marcus Aurelius will answer.
