1) Material possessions
Let’s get started with a big one.
I used to believe that happiness was just one purchase away. A new gadget, a trendy outfit, or a sleek car—these things were supposed to fill the void and bring me joy. But each time, the satisfaction was fleeting. The excitement of acquiring something new quickly faded, leaving me yearning for the next thing.
The Stoics had a lot to say about our relationship with material possessions. Seneca, one of the great Stoic philosophers, said:
“Assume that fortune carries you far beyond the limits of a private income, decks you with gold, clothes you in purple, and brings you to such a degree of luxury and wealth that you can bury the earth under your marble floors; that you may not only possess, but tread upon, riches. Add statues, paintings, and whatever any art has devised for the satisfaction of luxury; you will only learn from such things to crave still greater.” (Moral letters to Lucilius/Letter 16)
This was a revelation for me. It wasn’t the stuff I owned that defined my happiness, but my mindset and how I perceived those things.
I also read, “That which is too little for luxury is abundantly enough for nature” (Seneca’s Morals, 1882)
Inspired by these teachings, I began to declutter my life, starting small by clearing out my closet and gradually moving on to larger, more significant items.
The process was both liberating and enlightening. I realized how much mental space and energy I had been dedicating to acquiring and maintaining material goods. With fewer possessions, I felt lighter, freer, and more focused on what truly mattered.
One particular moment stands out: I decided to sell my car. It was a luxury vehicle that I had bought as a status symbol, but it was also a constant source of stress and expense. Letting it go was scary at first, but the freedom I felt afterward was indescribable.
I started walking more, using public transportation, and even biking around town. Not only did I save money, but I also felt more connected to my community and the world around me.
The practice of letting go of material possessions has taught me to appreciate what I have and find joy in simplicity. I no longer feel the need to chase after the latest and greatest things. Instead, I focus on experiences, relationships, and personal growth. This shift has brought a profound sense of contentment that no amount of stuff could ever provide.
If you’re feeling weighed down by your possessions, consider this: What are they really adding to your life? Are they bringing you lasting happiness, or just momentary pleasure?
By embracing minimalism and focusing on what truly brings value, you might find, as I did, that less is indeed more.
2) Fear of change
Have you ever found yourself paralyzed by the fear of change, clinging to the familiar even when it no longer serves you?
I certainly have.
For a long time, I resisted change because it felt safer to stay within my comfort zone. But this resistance came at a cost: missed opportunities, stunted personal growth, and a persistent undercurrent of anxiety.
The Stoics had a powerful perspective on change. Marcus Aurelius, in his timeless wisdom, wrote, “Loss is nothing else but change, and in this Universal Nature rejoices.” (The Meditations of the Emperor Marcus Antoninus, 1944)
This idea that change is a natural and even joyful part of life was a game-changer for me. Instead of viewing change as a threat, I began to see it as an opportunity for growth and renewal.
I vividly remember a turning point in my life when I decided to embrace change rather than fear it. I had been working in a stable but unfulfilling job for years. The mere thought of leaving was terrifying—I worried about financial security, losing my professional identity, and the uncertainty of starting anew.
However, the Stoic teachings encouraged me to face this fear head-on.
Taking a leap of faith, I left my job to pursue a passion project that had always been close to my heart: writing. The initial transition was tough, filled with moments of doubt and insecurity. However, as I adapted to my new path, I discovered a sense of fulfillment and purpose that I had never experienced before. Embracing change allowed me to grow in ways I never imagined, both personally and professionally.
3) Attachment to outcomes
We’ve all been there: pouring our heart and soul into a project, meticulously planning every detail, only to have things go sideways at the last minute. The frustration and disappointment can be overwhelming.
You might think, “If only things had gone according to plan, I’d be happy.” Sound familiar?
The Stoics had a different take on this. Epictetus taught, “Ask not that events should happen as you will, but let your will be that events should happen as they do, and you shall have peace.” (The Discourses of Epictetus, 1916)
This insight encourages us to focus on what we can control—our actions and attitudes—rather than the unpredictable outcomes of those actions.
Consider a common scenario: planning a vacation. We often fixate on everything going perfectly—sunny weather, smooth travel, ideal accommodations. But when a flight gets delayed or it rains all week, our disappointment can ruin the experience. Instead of enjoying the trip, we spend it lamenting how things didn’t go as planned.
By shifting our focus from the outcome to the journey, we can find joy and contentment regardless of what happens.
This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t plan or have goals; it means we should remain flexible and open to whatever comes our way. The Stoic approach teaches us to invest in our efforts and let go of our attachment to specific results.
In essence, detaching from outcomes doesn’t mean we don’t care. It means we understand that our happiness doesn’t hinge on things going exactly as planned. We find peace in knowing we’ve done our best and accept whatever comes next with grace and equanimity.
4) Approval from others
This is such a huge one.
For years, I was trapped in the endless cycle of seeking validation from others. Every decision I made was filtered through the lens of what others might think.
Whether it was the clothes I wore, the career path I chose, or even the opinions I voiced, I was constantly looking for approval. And yet, no matter how much praise or recognition I received, it never seemed to be enough.
The Stoics had a clear stance on this issue. Marcus Aurelius wisely noted, “How great a rest from labour he gains who does not look to what his neighbour says or does or thinks but only what himself is doing.” (The Meditations of the Emperor Marcus Antoninus, 1944)
This quote struck a chord with me. I realized that the real issue wasn’t others’ opinions, but my own dependence on them for self-worth.
I remember a specific incident that opened my eyes to the futility of seeking approval. I had worked tirelessly on a project at work, hoping it would earn me accolades and respect from my colleagues. When the project was completed, the feedback was positive, but the validation I craved was fleeting. The praise I received felt hollow, and I was left feeling just as empty as before.
This led me to a profound realization: seeking approval from others is a never-ending chase. No matter how much you get, it will never satisfy you completely because true validation comes from within. I decided to shift my focus from external validation to internal satisfaction. I began to ask myself, “Am I proud of what I did? Did I act according to my values?”
This change in perspective was liberating. I no longer felt the need to conform to others’ expectations. Instead, I focused on being true to myself and living according to my principles. This shift not only brought me peace but also strengthened my sense of self-worth. I started to make decisions that were genuinely aligned with my values, not just to gain approval.
If you find yourself constantly seeking validation from others, consider this: whose approval really matters? Is it the fleeting praise of others or the enduring respect you have for yourself? By focusing on internal validation and being true to your values, you can free yourself from the endless pursuit of approval and find a deeper, more lasting sense of happiness.
Remember, your worth is not determined by others’ opinions. It comes from within. So, trust yourself, value your own judgment, and watch your confidence and happiness grow.
