Ever meet someone who seems unshakeable, no matter how chaotic things get?
They might be the picture of serenity on the outside, but underneath, there’s a storm brewing. Today we dive into the surprising signs that reveal a calm exterior often masks inner stress.
1) They’re perfectionists
Let’s kick things off with a common trait – perfectionism.
You know the ones I’m talking about. They’re the coworkers who meticulously review every detail, the friends who are never late, the parents whose homes are always spotless. On the surface, their high standards and dedication may seem admirable.
But here’s the rub.
Perfectionism often stems from a fear of failure or criticism. It can be a heavy load to carry, causing significant stress beneath that cool exterior. For them, every task becomes a high-stakes endeavor where anything less than perfect just won’t cut it.
2) They avoid conflicts
Now, this is a trait I can personally attest to.
Being a peace-loving soul, I’ve always steered clear of confrontations. On the outside, it may seem like I’m a master of keeping the peace, handling disagreements with grace and diplomacy.
But let me reveal a secret.
Avoiding conflict often means bottling up feelings and opinions. I found myself constantly stressed out, wrestling with unexpressed thoughts and emotions churning beneath my calm exterior. It’s a draining experience, let me assure you.
And I realized I wasn’t alone.
Many people who appear calm on the surface often dodge conflicts to maintain an aura of tranquility. But what we don’t see is the internal turmoil that results from suppressing their true feelings.
3) They’re constantly busy
You look at their calendar and it’s packed, every minute accounted for, every day filled with tasks and to-dos. It’s as if they’re on a constant mission to stay productive, always moving, always doing.
You might think, “Wow, they really have their act together.”
But take a closer look.
This constant busyness can be a way to distract from the stress simmering beneath the surface. It’s like they’re running on a treadmill that never stops, fueled by a fear of facing what happens when they slow down.
The kicker is, this hustle often adds to their stress rather than alleviating it.
So, that friend or colleague who’s always busy? They might just be another calm-looking soul carrying a hidden burden of stress.
4) They’re people-pleasers
We all know that one person who goes above and beyond to keep everyone else happy. They’re the ones always saying yes, always putting others’ needs before their own.
Sounds like the ideal friend or colleague, right?
Well, here’s the catch. People-pleasing often comes at the cost of their own happiness and well-being. It’s an endless cycle of striving for approval and acceptance, which can create a whirlpool of stress under their calm exterior.
They’re constantly trying to meet expectations, fearing disappointment or disapproval. And let me tell you, that’s a stressful way to live.
5) They always seem tired
Ever notice how some of the calmest people seem to be perpetually tired?
It’s not just because they have a hectic schedule or stay up late. This constant fatigue often stems from the underlying stress they’re carrying around.
When you’re always trying to maintain a facade of calmness while battling inner turmoil, it’s exhausting. This hidden stress keeps their minds racing, even when their bodies are screaming for rest. They might find it hard to unwind, leading to restless nights and chronic tiredness.
6) They often isolate themselves
Some of the calmest people tend to spend a lot of time alone.
Sadly, this isn’t just because they enjoy solitude. Often, it’s a way for them to manage their stress without showing it to the world.
When they’re alone, they don’t have to keep up appearances or worry about being a burden to others. It’s a chance to decompress, even if it’s just for a little while.
But this isolation can also be a sign that they’re struggling more than they let on. They might feel that being around others is too draining or that they need time to sort through their thoughts and emotions in private.
7) They rarely talk about their own problems
Last but certainly not least, seemingly calm individuals often have a tendency to keep their problems to themselves. They may listen attentively to others, lend advice, even share a joke or two.
But when it comes to their own struggles and stresses, they’re often silent.
They may fear burdening others or appearing weak. They might believe it’s easier to deal with their stress alone. But this silence can compound their stress, making it even harder to manage.
Remember, just because they don’t speak of their stress doesn’t mean it’s not there. It’s often simply hidden beneath a calm surface, waiting to be acknowledged.
Final thoughts
So there you have it. The calm exterior we admire in some individuals may actually be a mask for the stress that’s simmering underneath.
And if you’re reading this, thinking, “That sounds a lot like me”, take heart. This doesn’t have to be your narrative.
Recognizing these signs is the first step towards change. It’s about creating an authentic connection between your inner world and how you present yourself to others.
Start by paying attention to your behaviors. Notice when you’re pushing too hard, ignoring your needs, or suppressing your feelings. These are moments when you can pause and choose a different path.
Remember, it’s okay to be vulnerable. It’s okay to ask for help. You don’t have to carry your stress silently.
You have the power to redefine your relationship with stress and present a version of yourself that aligns with your true feelings, not just the calm façade you show the world.
What would Marcus Aurelius say?
Unsure what to do next in your career? Struggling to move on from a failed relationship? Searching for more meaning in life?
Marcus Aurelius can tell you how to face your challenges in a more Stoic way.
Simply ask your question, and Marcus Aurelius will answer.
