As a relationship expert, I’ve seen all kinds of behaviors. However, there are certain individuals who stand out. These are those who embody kindness in everything they do.
But perhaps more importantly, there are some things they simply don’t do to others.
Today, we explore seven of these things.
It’s not about shaming or pointing fingers; it’s about embracing kindness at its core.
1) They never belittle others
We’ve all been in situations where we’ve found ourselves at odds with others. It’s a part of life, and it’s okay. But how you handle these situations says a lot about your character.
People who are genuinely kind never resort to belittling others to make a point or win an argument. It’s one thing to disagree, but it’s entirely another to demean someone else in the process.
Belittling someone is a clear sign of disrespect. It’s not about correcting someone or offering constructive criticism; it’s about making the other person feel small and insignificant.
Those who practice kindness understand that everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. They value people for who they are and respect their differences.
2) They don’t avoid conflict
Now, this might sound a bit counterintuitive. After all, isn’t kindness about harmony and peace?
Well, yes and no.
People who are genuinely kind don’t avoid conflict, but they approach it differently. Instead of using it as an opportunity to assert dominance or prove a point, they use it as an opportunity for growth and understanding.
Avoiding conflict might seem like the kinder option, but in reality, it often leads to miscommunication, resentment, and unresolved issues.
Genuine kindness isn’t about keeping the peace at all costs; it’s about addressing problems in a respectful and considerate manner.
3) They don’t sacrifice their own needs
One of the misconceptions about kindness is that it requires self-sacrifice. But genuine kindness knows the value of self-care and personal boundaries.
Throughout my extensive work in relationship dynamics, I’ve noticed a pattern. People often confuse selflessness with relentless self-sacrifice, which can lead to unhealthy relationships and codependency.
In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I explore this topic in detail. But to sum it up here, being kind doesn’t mean you neglect your own needs and desires.
People who are genuinely kind understand this. They give of themselves, but they also know their limits. They understand that to be able to give to others, they need to take care of themselves, too. Self-care isn’t selfish; it’s necessary.
4) They don’t hold grudges
We’ve all been hurt or disappointed by others at some point. It’s natural to feel these emotions, but holding onto them for too long can be more harmful than helpful.
People who are genuinely kind know the power of forgiveness. They understand that holding grudges only harms them in the end, filling their hearts with resentment and bitterness. Instead, they choose to release these negative feelings and move forward.
One of my favorite quotes comes from Nelson Mandela: “Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.” It’s a powerful reminder that holding onto past hurts doesn’t serve us.
We all make mistakes. We all have moments where we fall short. Holding a grudge doesn’t make you stronger; it only weighs you down.
5) They don’t ignore others’ feelings
What might seem insignificant to you might be a big deal to someone else.
In my experience, people who are genuinely kind never dismiss or ignore others’ feelings. Instead, they validate them. They may not fully understand the situation or the emotion, but they acknowledge it and show that they care.
This doesn’t mean they have to agree with every feeling or point of view, but they respect that these feelings are real and significant for the person experiencing them.
It’s about acknowledging and validating other people’s feelings, even if they’re different from our own.
6) They don’t judge hastily
We live in a world where snap judgments are often the norm. With so much information at our fingertips, it’s easy to form opinions quickly.
But people who are genuinely kind take the time to understand before passing judgment.
Stephen R. Covey said it best: “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” This is a principle that individuals with true kindness live by. They don’t rush to conclusions or make hasty judgments about others. They’re patient, open-minded, and always willing to listen.
In my years of relationship counseling, I’ve seen how damaging hasty judgments can be. They can lead to misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and damaged relationships. It’s always better to take a step back, listen, and try to understand where the other person is coming from.
Being truly kind means giving people the benefit of the doubt, respecting their experiences, and not rushing to judge.
7) They don’t pretend to be perfect
Let’s be real, no one is perfect. We all have our shortcomings, flaws, and mistakes. And that’s okay. It’s part of being human.
People who are genuinely kind don’t pretend. They embrace their imperfections and see them as opportunities for growth rather than sources of shame.
They’re honest about their faults and willing to apologize when they’re wrong. They don’t use their kindness as a shield to hide behind or as a tool to manipulate others into seeing them as infallible.
Embracing imperfection doesn’t mean they’re okay with hurting others or making the same mistakes over and over again. Instead, it means they acknowledge their flaws, learn from their mistakes, and strive to do better.
The Essence of Genuine Kindness
Inherent in kindness is the understanding that we’re all interconnected. Each action we take, each word we utter, has ripples that can either soothe or stir the waters around us.
When we consciously choose kindness, we create positive ripples that can transform not only our relationships but also our own inner peace and happiness.
Embracing kindness at its core involves a shift in perspective—seeing conflicts as opportunities for growth, respecting our own needs while caring for others, and fostering an environment where everyone feels valued. By embodying these principles, we not only enhance our own well-being but also contribute to a more compassionate and harmonious world.
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Until next time, stay kind.
What would Marcus Aurelius say?
Unsure what to do next in your career? Struggling to move on from a failed relationship? Searching for more meaning in life?
Marcus Aurelius can tell you how to face your challenges in a more Stoic way.
Simply ask your question, and Marcus Aurelius will answer.
