We all want friends, right?
But sometimes, the problem isn’t finding them; it’s keeping them.
People who struggle to maintain friendships often exhibit certain behaviors without even realizing it. These patterns can push people away, even when that’s the last thing we want.
In this article, we’ll explore eight such behaviors that can sabotage your friendships. By recognizing and addressing these issues, you can start to build and maintain stronger connections.
So let’s dive in, shall we?
1) Taking but not giving
Friendship is a two-way street, and that means giving as much as you take.
People who struggle to keep friends often don’t realize that they’re always on the receiving end of the relationship. It might be attention, advice, or just time – but if you’re always taking and never giving back, it can lead to imbalance and resentment.
This doesn’t mean you have to keep a tally of every favor. But showing an interest in your friend’s life, offering support when they need it, or even just listening to them vent about a bad day can go a long way.
2) Being judgmental
I’ve seen this firsthand. A few years ago, I had a friend who had a habit of passing judgment on everything – from my food choices to my taste in music.
At first, I shrugged it off as harmless banter. But over time, I started to feel self-conscious and even avoided sharing things with him out of fear of being judged.
This constant criticism, no matter how subtle, began to put a strain on our friendship. I eventually distanced myself from him because it felt like more of an emotional battleground than a supportive friendship.
The lesson?
Constantly judging others can make them feel unappreciated and undervalued. It’s okay to have opinions, but it’s important to express them in a respectful and considerate manner. No one likes feeling judged all the time, especially by their friends.
3) Lack of empathy
This one is pretty obvious.
When someone lacks empathy, it can feel like they’re emotionally disconnected or uninterested in what you’re going through. This can lead to feelings of isolation and misunderstanding, often leading friends to drift apart over time.
So, if you find it hard to empathize with your friends’ feelings, it may be worth exploring why that is. It could be the key to strengthening your friendships and making them last.
4) Not respecting boundaries
Boundaries are essential in any relationship. They set the ground rules for what is acceptable and what is not.
When someone does not respect these boundaries, it can cause a lot of tension and discomfort. For instance, if a friend repeatedly shares your secrets, shows up unannounced at your place, or constantly borrows money without paying back, these are clear signs of boundary violations.
Ignoring set boundaries shows a lack of respect for the other person’s feelings and can lead to mistrust. And once trust is gone, it’s tough to maintain a healthy friendship.
5) Negativity
We all have bad days. But when someone is consistently negative, it can drain the energy out of a friendship.
Imagine this: You’re excited about a new job opportunity, but when you share the news, your friend responds with a list of potential things that could go wrong. It’s deflating, isn’t it?
Constant negativity can make it challenging to share joys, achievements, or even simple day-to-day experiences. Friends should be a source of support and positivity in each other’s lives.
If you notice that your conversations are often filled with pessimism, it might be time to change your perspective. A positive attitude can not only improve your friendships but also your overall mental health and wellbeing.
Optimism is contagious – spread it around!
6) Being unreliable
There was a time in my life when I was often late or completely missed appointments with friends. I didn’t mean to be disrespectful – it was a period of high stress and disorganization.
However, I soon realized that my unreliability was hurting my friendships. Friends felt like they couldn’t count on me, and some even stopped inviting me to events. I had to take responsibility and make a commitment to change.
When we’re unreliable, it sends a message that our time is more valuable than others’. It damages trust and can make friends feel unimportant or taken for granted.
7) Not listening
We’ve all been in a conversation where it feels like we’re talking to a brick wall. It’s frustrating, isn’t it?
Listening is a fundamental part of any conversation. When someone continually talks about themselves or dismisses your feelings, it sends a message that they’re not interested in what you have to say.
Being a good listener means more than just hearing words. It involves understanding, responding, and showing active interest in the conversation.
Do your friends often accuse you of not listening, or do you catch yourself zoning out during conversations? If so, it might be time to work on your listening skills. Active listening can make a world of difference in your relationships.
8) Lack of self-awareness
At the heart of all these behaviors lies one common trait – a lack of self-awareness. Without realizing it, we may be pushing our friends away through our actions and words.
Self-awareness helps us understand our actions and how they affect others. It’s about recognizing our strengths, weaknesses, and the impact we have on those around us.
If your friendships aren’t lasting, take some time for self-reflection. Consider seeking feedback from others. It might be challenging to hear, but it’s often the first step towards making positive changes.
After all, you can’t fix a problem if you don’t know it exists.
Final thoughts: It’s about growth
The complexities of human interactions and relationships are often tied to our self-awareness and personal growth.
If you’ve recognized some of these behaviors in yourself, don’t beat yourself up. The first step to change is awareness, and you’ve already made it that far.
Remember, we’re all works in progress. We all have areas where we can improve. This isn’t about blaming or shaming, it’s about growing and becoming better versions of ourselves.
What would Marcus Aurelius say?
Unsure what to do next in your career? Struggling to move on from a failed relationship? Searching for more meaning in life?
Marcus Aurelius can tell you how to face your challenges in a more Stoic way.
Simply ask your question, and Marcus Aurelius will answer.
