Empathy can make all the difference in our relationships. When we’re empathetic, we can connect more deeply with others, understanding their feelings and perspectives. But what happens when someone lacks empathy?
Well, as a relationship expert, I’ve seen first-hand how a lack of empathy can strain relationships and build walls where bridges should be
People who lack empathy tend to do certain things without realizing the impact of their actions. They might not even be aware that they’re doing these things. But trust me, the effect is felt by those around them.
In this article, we will delve into these unconscious behaviors.
Let’s get to ’em.
1) They dismiss feelings
One common trait seen among those who lack empathy is the tendency to dismiss or downplay the feelings of others.
In their world view, if they can’t personally relate to an emotion, it must not be significant or real. You’ll often hear phrases like “You’re overreacting” or “It’s not that big of a deal”.
This dismissal doesn’t come from a place of malice; they simply can’t understand the depth of feeling another person is experiencing, because they don’t experience emotions in the same way.
However, this casual brushing aside of emotions can seriously impact relationships. The person on the receiving end can feel dismissed, minimized, and alone in their feelings.
2) They are often excellent problem solvers
Here’s something you might not expect: people who lack empathy often excel at problem-solving.
Why?
Because they can easily detach from the emotional aspects of a situation, allowing them to focus on the cold, hard facts. They’re able to analyze problems with a clear, unemotional mind and come up with logical solutions.
While this ability can be beneficial in certain situations (like a high-pressure work scenario), it can backfire in interpersonal relationships. When someone is upset or struggling with a personal issue, they usually need emotional support and understanding before they’re ready to tackle solutions.
By skipping straight to problem-solving mode, individuals lacking empathy may unintentionally make the person they’re trying to help feel unheard or misunderstood.
3) They struggle with perspective-taking
Having spent years helping people navigate their relationships, one thing I’ve noticed is that individuals who lack empathy often struggle with perspective-taking.
Perspective-taking is the ability to step into someone else’s shoes, to see the world from their viewpoint. It’s a critical skill for healthy relationships. It’s also a skill that can be learned.
In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I discuss the importance of empathy and perspective-taking in building strong, balanced relationships.
People lacking empathy often see things only from their point of view. If they haven’t experienced something themselves, they find it hard to understand how someone else could feel or react differently.
This lack of understanding can lead to conflicts and misunderstandings in relationships. Learning to take on other perspectives can go a long way in bridging this empathy gap.
4) They often rush to judgement
It’s been my observation that people who lack empathy also often jump to conclusions without considering the full context of a situation. They tend to judge people’s actions and feelings based on their own experiences and beliefs, rather than trying to understand the other person’s perspective.
As the great Harper Lee once wrote in her novel To Kill a Mockingbird, “You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view… until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it.”
This rush to judgement can create unnecessary conflicts and misunderstandings.
By slowing down, asking questions, and genuinely trying to understand others’ experiences, we can foster more empathetic connections.
5) They have difficulty recognizing emotions in others
One of the most interesting aspects of my work as a relationship expert is helping people understand the emotions of others. People who lack empathy often struggle with this.
They might see someone crying and not understand that they’re sad. Or they might hear someone raise their voice and not recognize that they’re angry. Recognizing emotions in others is a vital part of empathy, as it allows us to respond appropriately and compassionately.
This difficulty isn’t because they don’t care or aren’t trying. It’s simply that recognizing and understanding emotions isn’t their strong suit. It’s like trying to read a book in a language you don’t understand. It’s not that you don’t want to understand, it’s just that you don’t have the tools to do so.
By being aware of this, we can help bridge the gap by expressing our emotions clearly and patiently explaining our feelings when interacting with someone who lacks empathy.
6) They struggle with emotional reciprocity
Emotional reciprocity is a crucial element of any healthy relationship.
It’s the give and take, the mutual understanding and sharing of feelings. Sadly, those who lack empathy often struggle with this concept.
They might respond to someone else’s excitement with indifference or meet someone’s sadness with confusion. This lack of emotional mirroring can leave their loved ones feeling misunderstood and unsupported.
7) They can unintentionally cause emotional harm
This is a tough one to talk about, but it’s important. People who lack empathy can unintentionally cause emotional harm to those around them.
They may say or do things that hurt others without realizing it. They may come off as cold, unfeeling, or even cruel, not because they mean to, but because they genuinely don’t understand the emotional impact of their actions.
Over time, this can lead to strained relationships, broken friendships, and a lot of pain and confusion for everyone involved. It’s a difficult cycle that often goes unnoticed until the damage has been done.
Understanding and acknowledging this is the first step towards change. Remember, empathy can be learned and cultivated with time and practice.
Understanding and Growth
These seven points we’ve discussed are not meant to cast judgment or point fingers but to foster awareness and initiate conversations.
One of the most rewarding aspects of being a relationship expert is seeing people grow and learn to understand each other better. Empathy is a skill that can be developed over time, and it starts with recognizing the behaviors that stem from its absence.
Growth starts with understanding. And every step we take towards understanding those around us, makes our shared journey as humans more enriching.
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