Ever heard the saying “Still waters run deep”?
We all have that one friend who seems perpetually calm. They’re like a serene lake on a sunny day, unruffled and tranquil. But what if beneath that placid surface, there’s a constant whirlpool of emotions?
The reality is, some people are really good at disguising their inner turmoil. They’ve mastered the art of keeping their struggles hidden, making it challenging for us to understand what they’re truly going through.
If you’ve ever wondered what’s really going on behind those calm facades, I’ve got some insights for you.
Today, we dive into seven behaviors often exhibited by those who seem calm on the surface but are battling storms inside.
These could well be the keys to better understanding your friends, your family, or even yourself.
Let’s dive in.
1) They’re always busy
I have a friend, let’s call her Sarah. Sarah is one of those people who’s always busy. Be it work, a new hobby, or volunteering, she’s constantly on the move.
At first, I admired her energy. But as time went on, I began to wonder if there was more to her constant activity. Was she really passionate about everything she did? Or was she using busyness as a way to avoid dealing with her inner turmoil?
An always-full calendar might not be a sign of an energetic lifestyle. It could be a coping mechanism for those who are struggling internally but appear calm externally.
2) They’re perfectionists
Perfectionism. It’s a trait we often admire, right?
I used to take pride in my attention to detail, my relentless pursuit of the best. Until one day, I realized I wasn’t chasing excellence. I was running from something else – fear. Fear of not being good enough, fear of criticism, fear of failure.
Those who seem calm might often be perfectionists. Their calm demeanor is a mask, carefully crafted to hide the chaos inside. Every misplaced item, every minor flaw, can trigger a storm within them.
Perfectionism isn’t always about achieving excellence. Sometimes, it’s a desperate attempt to keep inner demons in check. When you see someone striving for perfection at all times, take a moment to look beyond the surface. There might be more than what meets the eye.
3) They’re great listeners
You know how some people just have the knack for making you feel heard?
That friend who seems calm all the time, they’re often that person. They’re the ones who’ll listen without interrupting, offering a comforting presence when you need it most.
But here’s the catch.
While they’re great at lending an ear, they might not be as forthcoming when it comes to sharing their own feelings. They’re so used to being the listener that they often forget, or choose not, to voice their own struggles.
So, pay attention. The best listener in your life could be silently battling their own storms.
4) They have a hard time saying no
I bet you’ve met someone who always seems to be available for others, despite their own overflowing plate. They’re the ones you can count on to say ‘yes’, no matter what.
But why do they find it so hard to say ‘no’?
Well, it’s often because they’re fighting an internal battle. They fear that setting boundaries might make them appear selfish or uncaring. It’s their way of maintaining a harmonious exterior while their inner world may be in disarray.
5) They rarely ask for help
This is a big one.
People who are calm on the surface but struggling inside rarely ask for help. Their pride or fear of being a burden often prevents them from reaching out. They’d rather face their battles alone than risk appearing vulnerable.
But, remember this – asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but a testament to strength. It takes courage to admit that we’re human, that we have our limits, and that it’s okay to lean on others when times get tough.
If you notice someone who always seems to have everything under control but never asks for help, they might be going through more than they let on. Extend a hand, offer a shoulder. Sometimes, simply knowing that someone is there for them can make all the difference.
Final thoughts
Recognizing these signs in yourself or others is not a verdict. It’s a starting point.
If you see these traits in someone you know, remember – understanding is the first step towards empathy. Extend your patience, lend your ear, and let them know they’re not alone.
If these behaviors resonate with your own experience, take a moment to acknowledge your strength. It takes tremendous courage to maintain calm amidst internal turmoil.
But remember, it’s okay to let the calm facade down. It’s okay to admit that you’re not okay. Doing so doesn’t make you weak; it makes you human.
Start by allowing yourself to feel. Embrace your emotions, the good and the bad. Seek help if needed. You are not a burden. You are deserving of love and care, just as much as anyone else.
This journey towards inner peace may seem daunting, but know that each step, no matter how small, takes you closer to tranquility. After all, even a calm lake experiences ripples before it returns to stillness.
So be gentle with yourself. This is not a race but a journey – one that leads to self-understanding and acceptance. And in this journey, remember that it’s okay to not be okay all the time.
What would Marcus Aurelius say?
Unsure what to do next in your career? Struggling to move on from a failed relationship? Searching for more meaning in life?
Marcus Aurelius can tell you how to face your challenges in a more Stoic way.
Simply ask your question, and Marcus Aurelius will answer.
