People who seem calm on the surface but are struggling silently usually display these 7 behaviors

It’s not always easy to know what’s going on beneath the surface. People often put on a brave face, appearing calm and composed, while inner turmoil rages on.

It’s something I’ve come across quite often in my career as a relationship expert. These folks are silently struggling, yet they keep their battles hidden away.

But there are signs, subtle behaviors that hint at the struggle within. In this article, we’ll explore eight of these behaviors, which may help us better understand those around us.

1) They’re exceptionally good listeners

This might seem strange, but I’ve observed that those who are silently struggling often become exceptional listeners.

Why is this so?

Well, it’s common for these individuals to shift the focus away from their own inner battles by tuning into others’ narratives.

It’s a subtle diversion, a way to keep the personal turmoil hidden. But it’s also a sign of empathy – they understand what it means to struggle, and they don’t want others to feel alone in their battles.

Don’t be fooled by their calm exterior – there may be more going on beneath the surface. It’s always worth checking in, even when they seem to be doing fine.

2) Their energy levels fluctuate

People who are fighting silent battles often experience noticeable fluctuations in their energy levels. One day they may seem full of life, and the next, they’re completely drained.

This inconsistency can be a telltale sign of an underlying struggle.

It’s something I’ve noticed repeatedly in my work, and it’s a pattern that should not be ignored.

3) They tend to overthink

Folks who are dealing with silent struggles often overthink. They scrutinize every interaction, every decision, and play out multiple scenarios in their heads.

It’s a behavior born out of the desire to control the uncontrollable – their inner turmoil. It’s as if by controlling everything else, they can somehow manage their own internal chaos.

4) They’re often the life of the party

Here’s something that may surprise you: those silently struggling may often be the ones lighting up the room at a gathering.

Counterintuitive, right? But it’s true.

They use humor and liveliness as a shield, a way to hide their inner struggle. It’s easier to laugh off pain than to expose it, after all.

Being the life of the party provides a temporary escape from their internal battles. It’s a momentary relief where they can forget their worries and just blend into the crowd.

So, next time you’re at a party, take a moment to look beyond the laughs and smiles. The most jovial person in the room might just be the one who needs a comforting word or a gentle check-in.

5) They’re always helping others

This is a big one. Those harboring silent struggles often go out of their way to help others.

It’s as if by focusing on other people’s problems, they can momentarily forget their own. They become the go-to person for advice or a shoulder to lean on, always ready to lend a hand.

But while they’re busy caring for others, they often neglect their own needs.

6) They have good days… and really bad days

This one’s a tough pill to swallow: those battling silent struggles often have days where they feel downright miserable.

They might mask it well, but there are days where the struggle gets the better of them. It’s not always easy to spot, as they’ve become masters at hiding their pain.

On these days, even the simplest tasks feel like climbing a mountain. They might cancel plans, seem a bit distant or not be their usual selves.

It’s important to remember that it’s okay for them to have these days. Everyone has their battles to fight. The best thing we can do is offer understanding and patience, and remind them that it’s okay to not be okay all the time.

7) They’re often harder on themselves than anyone else could be

The final sign I want to share is a tough one: those silently struggling are often their own harshest critics. They set high standards for themselves and beat themselves up when they fall short.

This intense self-criticism can be exhausting and further fuel their hidden struggles.

If you notice someone being overly hard on themselves, it’s worth reaching out. A gentle word of encouragement or a simple reassurance of their worth can provide a much-needed respite from their internal critic.

Conclusion

Recognizing these signs in people around us is the first step towards understanding their silent struggles. It’s important to remember that everyone has their battles, some just hide them better than others.

If you’ve recognized some of these behaviors in yourself, don’t hesitate to seek help. Overcoming silent struggles is a journey, and it’s okay to ask for support along the way.

It’s okay not to be okay. Let’s be there for each other and create a world where no one has to struggle in silence.

What would Marcus Aurelius say?

Unsure what to do next in your career? Struggling to move on from a failed relationship? Searching for more meaning in life?

Marcus Aurelius can tell you how to face your challenges in a more Stoic way.

Simply ask your question, and Marcus Aurelius will answer.

Check it out here.

 

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