Navigating social situations can be a minefield for some. Unbeknownst to them, they may display certain behaviors that signal their poor social skills.
This isn’t about blaming or shaming. It’s about shedding light on these unconscious habits, allowing room for growth and development.
I’m going to share 9 behaviors typically exhibited by people with poor social skills, often without even realizing it.
This article aims to help you identify and understand these behaviors better, whether you notice them in yourself or others.
1) Overthinking silence
Socially savvy individuals understand that silence isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It can be a pause to gather thoughts or simply a comfortable lull in the conversation.
However, those with poor social skills may interpret silence as an alarming signal, often causing them to panic and feel the need to fill the void immediately. They might start rambling or even bring up inappropriate topics just to break the silence.
This behavior typically stems from a fear of awkwardness and a misunderstanding of the dynamics of a conversation. Silence, when understood and used appropriately, can actually enhance communication rather than hinder it.
Understanding this can help individuals improve their social skills and navigate conversations more effectively.
2) Avoiding eye contact
I remember when I first started working. I used to find it incredibly difficult to maintain eye contact during conversations, especially with people I didn’t know very well or in situations where I felt nervous or uncomfortable.
People often interpreted my lack of eye contact as disinterest or rudeness, even though that wasn’t my intention. It was simply a coping mechanism for my social anxiety.
People with poor social skills often struggle with maintaining appropriate eye contact. They might look away too quickly or avoid it altogether, signalling disinterest or discomfort, even when they are genuinely interested in the conversation.
Eye contact is a fundamental part of human interaction, and learning to use it appropriately can significantly improve our social interactions.
3) Missing non-verbal cues
Did you know that as much as 93% of all communication is non-verbal? This includes body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice. Yet, individuals with poor social skills often overlook these cues.
They may talk incessantly without noticing that the other person is tapping their foot impatiently or looking at their watch. Or they might miss the subtle shift in tone that suggests their companion is growing bored or irritated.
Being able to read and respond to non-verbal cues is crucial for effective communication. It helps us gauge the other person’s interest, understanding, and comfort level during a conversation. Those who struggle with this aspect of communication could greatly benefit from learning more about body language and non-verbal signals.
4) Struggling with small talk
Small talk may seem trivial, but it serves an important role in social interaction. It’s a way to break the ice, find common ground, and build rapport.
However, those with poor social skills often struggle with small talk. They may find it pointless or difficult and fail to understand its role as a stepping stone to deeper conversations.
They might jump into heavy topics too soon, or stay silent, unable to navigate the subtleties of small talk.
This struggle can create a barrier in forming new relationships or maintaining existing ones. Mastering the art of small talk can significantly improve one’s social skills and ease in social situations.
5) Not respecting personal space
We all have an invisible boundary around us, also known as our personal space. The size of this space can vary depending on our cultural background, personal preferences, and the nature of our relationship with the other person.
People with poor social skills often struggle to respect this personal space. They might stand too close or touch others inappropriately, making them feel uncomfortable.
This lack of awareness can lead to awkward situations and misunderstandings. Understanding and respecting personal space is an essential aspect of social interaction that can greatly improve one’s social skills.
6) Difficulty with empathy
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It’s about putting ourselves in someone else’s shoes and seeing things from their perspective.
Sadly, some individuals with poor social skills find it hard to empathize. They might struggle to show genuine concern or understand why someone is feeling a certain way.
This lack of empathy can make their interactions feel shallow or insincere, and it can be a barrier to forming meaningful relationships.
The good news? Empathy is a skill that can be learned and improved upon. With practice and patience, individuals can become more empathetic, leading to richer and more fulfilling social interactions.
7) Overly defensive reactions
There was a time when I would react defensively to any form of criticism, constructive or otherwise. I’d immediately shut down or argue, taking things personally even when they weren’t meant that way.
This is a common trait among individuals with poor social skills. Instead of accepting feedback or handling disagreements in a balanced way, they tend to view them as personal attacks.
This can lead to miscommunications and strained relationships. Learning to handle criticism and disagreements calmly and constructively can significantly improve social interactions.
8) Dominating conversations
A balanced conversation involves both speaking and listening. However, individuals with poor social skills may struggle to maintain this balance.
They might dominate conversations, either by speaking too much or interrupting others, not allowing them a chance to express their thoughts.
This can come off as disrespectful and self-centered, even if that’s not the intention. Learning to listen actively and give others space to speak can greatly enhance the quality of our social interactions.
9) Unawareness of social norms
One of the most significant indicators of poor social skills is a lack of awareness or understanding of social norms. These are the unwritten rules that guide our behavior in social situations.
Ignoring dress codes, speaking out of turn, or failing to observe basic etiquette are just a few examples. This unawareness can lead to misunderstandings and awkwardness.
Recognizing and respecting social norms is essential for effective social interactions and relationships. This awareness can significantly improve one’s comfort and ease in various social situations.
Final thoughts: It’s all about understanding
When it comes to social skills, the key is understanding – understanding ourselves, understanding others, and understanding the dynamics of human interaction.
The behaviors we’ve discussed aren’t necessarily ‘flaws’. They’re simply patterns of behavior that can sometimes hinder effective social interaction.
Remember, we all have areas where we struggle. It’s part of being human. And just as we can learn a new language or master a new skill, we can also improve our social skills.
Understanding these behaviors is the first step in that direction. It allows us to recognize where we might be going wrong and provides an opportunity for learning and growth.
So, whether you recognized some of these behaviors in yourself or in others, remember that change is possible. With patience, practice, and a willingness to learn, we can all improve our social skills and become more effective communicators.
What would Marcus Aurelius say?
Unsure what to do next in your career? Struggling to move on from a failed relationship? Searching for more meaning in life?
Marcus Aurelius can tell you how to face your challenges in a more Stoic way.
Simply ask your question, and Marcus Aurelius will answer.
