If you’ve been hurt, you’re probably familiar with the rollercoaster of emotions that follow – anger, sadness, confusion, and sometimes even despair.
Healing and moving forward can seem like a daunting task, but it’s not impossible.
Stoicism, an ancient philosophy, offers practical wisdom on how to navigate through pain and suffering.
It’s not about suppressing or ignoring your feelings, but about understanding and mastering them.
Just as we didn’t choose to be hurt, we don’t choose to be Stoics. It’s a mindset that can be learned and used to improve our lives.
In this article, I’ll share 8 simple Stoic practices that can guide you in healing and moving forward after you’ve been hurt.
Trust me, it’s simpler than it sounds, and it just might change your life for the better.
1) Embrace the power of acceptance
“Accept what is outside of your control.” This is a fundamental principle in Stoicism.
When you’ve been hurt, it’s easy to dwell on the pain and wish things were different.
We often replay the events, imagining alternative scenarios where we weren’t the ones getting hurt.
But, according to Stoicism, what’s happened has happened, and it’s beyond our control to change it.
So why waste energy fighting against something you cannot alter? Instead, channel your energy into accepting the situation.
It doesn’t mean you have to like it or agree with what happened. It simply means acknowledging the reality of the situation without letting it consume you.
In this acceptance, you’ll find a sense of calm and clarity.
It might seem counterintuitive, but by accepting the pain and not resisting it, you actually take away its power over you.
2) Find value in adversity
When we’re hurt, our first instinct is often to avoid the pain or wish it away.
But Stoicism encourages us to look at adversity differently. Instead of seeing it as something negative, we are urged to find value in our difficulties.
It may sound a bit strange. How can something that causes such distress and discomfort be of any value?
The answer lies in how we perceive the situation.
Stoicism teaches us that adversity is a powerful teacher.
It forces us to confront our vulnerabilities, challenge our assumptions, and ultimately grow stronger.
In the midst of your pain, you may discover strengths you didn’t know you had, or gain insights that can guide your future actions.
The experience can also build resilience and shape your character in profound ways.
3) Practice mindfulness
Stoicism and mindfulness go hand in hand. Both philosophies place a strong emphasis on being present in the moment.
When we’ve been hurt, our minds tend to get stuck in the past, replaying the hurtful event, or they leap forward to the future, worrying about what this means for us.
But dwelling on past hurts or future fears only amplifies our pain and prevents us from healing.
Mindfulness encourages us to stay in the present moment and accept our feelings without judgment.
It’s about acknowledging your feelings of hurt but not letting them define you or your experience.
Interestingly, consistent mindfulness practice has been found to reduce activity in the amygdala – the part of the brain responsible for triggering fear and anxiety responses.
So, by practicing mindfulness, you’re not just embracing a Stoic principle; you’re also actively reducing your stress responses, making it easier for you to heal and move forward.
4) Extend compassion to yourself
When you’re hurting, you might find yourself being overly critical about your feelings or reactions.
You might feel like you should have known better, or that you shouldn’t be feeling this way. But here’s the thing: it’s okay to feel hurt.
Stoicism teaches us to be compassionate towards ourselves.
It reminds us that we’re human, and it’s natural to experience pain and disappointment in life.
Take a moment to acknowledge your pain, without judgment, without criticism.
Understand that it’s a part of the rich tapestry of human experience.
You’re not alone in this, and you’re certainly not weak for feeling this way.
Every wound needs time to heal, and every heart needs time to mend.
Be patient with yourself during this process. Remember, progress is not always linear. Some days will be better than others, but each day is a step forward.
5) Set realistic expectations
Life is full of ups and downs. Sometimes, things don’t go as planned, people let us down, or unexpected events turn our lives upside down.
Stoicism teaches us to set realistic expectations of life and others. It doesn’t mean expecting the worst or becoming a cynic.
It simply means understanding that life is unpredictable and that everyone, including ourselves, is imperfect.
Think about it: how many times we feel hurt because reality didn’t meet our expectations?
We expected a person to behave a certain way, or we expected a situation to unfold as we had imagined, and when it didn’t, we felt disappointed or hurt.
By setting realistic expectations, we can reduce the potential for such disappointments.
We become more resilient to the twists and turns of life and more accepting of others’ flaws.
This doesn’t mean settling for less or not striving for better.
It’s about understanding that things won’t always go our way, and that’s okay.
This acceptance can help us heal from past hurts and move forward with a balanced perspective on life.
6) Practice forgiveness
Forgiveness can be a powerful tool for healing.
Holding on to resentment or anger towards someone who hurt us can be like carrying a heavy burden.
It weighs us down and prevents us from moving forward.
Stoicism teaches us the value of forgiveness.
It’s about letting go of the negative emotions that bind us to the past and opening ourselves up to the possibilities of the future.
I remember a time when I held onto a grudge for months.
It was like a dark cloud hovering over me, affecting my mood, my relationships, and even my health.
When I finally decided to forgive, it wasn’t because the person deserved it, but because I deserved peace.
The act of forgiveness allowed me to release that burden.
It didn’t erase what happened or condone the actions of the person who hurt me, but it freed me from the chains of resentment and allowed me to move forward.
7) Take responsibility
Being hurt is not your fault, but healing is your responsibility.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of blaming others for our pain, and while it’s true that others might have caused it, they can’t heal it for us.
Stoicism teaches us the importance of taking responsibility for our own well-being.
It encourages us to stop playing the victim and start taking control of our lives.
Yes, you’ve been hurt. Yes, it’s unfair. But life often is.
What matters now is not what happened to you, but how you choose to react to it.
Taking responsibility doesn’t mean you ignore the pain or pretend it didn’t happen.
It means acknowledging your pain, accepting it, and then taking active steps towards healing.
It’s time to take control of your life again. It’s time to stop letting your past dictate your present and future.
You have the power to heal, and more importantly, you deserve to heal. Let’s take that first step together.
8) Remember, you are stronger than you think
In the face of hurt and heartache, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and helpless.
But here’s the most important thing you should remember: You are stronger than you think.
Stoicism teaches us that we have an inner strength that is greater than any adversity we might face.
It reminds us that we have the power to endure, overcome, and grow from our experiences.
The pain you’re feeling right now may seem unbearable, but it’s also a testament to your resilience.
You’re still here, you’re still standing, and that’s no small feat.
Don’t underestimate your ability to heal and move forward.
You’ve survived every hardship life has thrown your way so far, and there’s no reason why this should be any different.
Healing takes time and patience, but the journey is worth it.
There you have it, 8 simple ways to heal and move forward after you’ve been hurt, according to Stoicism.
Here’s to your journey towards healing and moving forward.
May you find peace, strength, and joy along the way!
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What would Marcus Aurelius say?
Unsure what to do next in your career? Struggling to move on from a failed relationship? Searching for more meaning in life?
Marcus Aurelius can tell you how to face your challenges in a more Stoic way.
Simply ask your question, and Marcus Aurelius will answer.