What if I told you the secret to a happy and thriving relationship lies in the philosophy of stoicism?
Stoicism isn’t about suppressing emotions; it’s about understanding them, managing them and living a life of virtue and wisdom. It’s about having control over our reactions and making conscious choices.
Happy couples, it seems, have been applying these principles effortlessly to their relationships. They’ve been practicing stoic habits that have made their bonds stronger, healthier and happier.
In this article, we’ll explore 7 stoic habits that happy couples swear by. These are simple yet profound habits that can transform any relationship from ordinary to extraordinary.
1) Embrace acceptance
The cornerstone of stoicism lies in understanding and accepting what we can and cannot control.
Happy couples know they can’t control their partner’s thoughts, feelings, or actions. They understand that their power lies in controlling their reactions and responses.
Instead of trying to change their partner or certain situations, they focus on changing their perspective and the way they respond. This acceptance not only reduces friction but also fosters a sense of peace in the relationship.
They don’t waste energy on unproductive worry or stress about things beyond their control.
Instead, they channel their energy into areas where they can make a real difference.
This stoic habit of acceptance is not about resignation or passivity, but about understanding the limits of individual control and embracing it. It’s about making conscious decisions rather than reacting impulsively.
Practicing this habit can lead to a happier, more harmonious relationship. But remember, like any habit, it takes time to cultivate and master.
2) Practice gratitude
Gratitude is another powerful stoic habit that happy couples swear by, and it’s one that I’ve personally found transformative in my own relationship.
In our early days, my partner and I would often get caught up in petty arguments about unmet expectations or small irritations.
It was a cycle that seemed to repeat itself until we decided to practice more gratitude.
We made a conscious effort to appreciate each other more and express it. We started a simple routine where we shared one thing we were grateful for in each other every day.
Over time, this practice shifted our focus from what was lacking to all the beautiful things that were present. It helped us to foster a deeper appreciation for each other and to recognize the value of our relationship.
The act of expressing gratitude not only made us feel better individually, but it also strengthened our bond as a couple. We began acknowledging the positive aspects of our relationship more than focusing on the negatives.
Practicing gratitude is a powerful stoic habit that can create a positive shift in any relationship.
It’s one that we continue to practice daily, and it’s made a world of difference for us.
3) Live in the present
Living in the present is a critical aspect of stoicism that happy couples embrace.
It’s about being fully engaged in the here and now, rather than getting caught up in past regrets or future anxieties.
The human brain processes up to 70,000 thoughts per day, many of which are not related to the present moment. This continuous mental chatter can distract us from truly experiencing life as it happens.
Happy couples understand this and make a conscious effort to be fully present with each other. They:
- Listen attentively when their partner speaks
- Savor shared experiences
- Make the most of the time they have together
By focusing on the present, these couples cultivate deeper connections and enhance their appreciation for each other.
They’re not just physically present; they’re emotionally and mentally invested in each moment they share.
Living in the present is a powerful stoic habit that enhances not only relationships but overall life satisfaction.
4) Respond, don’t react
The ability to respond rather than react is a stoic habit that happy couples consistently demonstrate.
It’s about taking a moment to understand a situation, process emotions, and then choose an appropriate response.
When faced with disagreements or conflicts, it’s easy to let emotions take over and react impulsively.
But stoic couples know the importance of keeping their composure and handling such situations with wisdom and patience.
They don’t let their immediate emotions dictate their actions.
Instead, they take a step back, evaluate the situation from a rational perspective, and then respond in a way that is beneficial to the relationship.
This habit:
- Allows for better communication
- Reduces misunderstandings
- Fosters mutual respect within the relationship
It’s about control over one’s own emotions and actions, a cornerstone in stoic philosophy.
5) Embrace discomfort 
Embracing discomfort is a stoic habit that’s not always easy, but it’s one that can bring immense growth to a relationship.
It’s about facing difficult situations, challenging conversations and emotional discomfort head-on, rather than avoiding them.
I remember a time in my relationship when we were going through a particularly tough phase. There were unresolved issues, and it felt easier to ignore them than to confront them.
But we realized that by doing so, we were only pushing the problems under the rug.
So, we decided to embrace the discomfort.
We started having those difficult conversations, addressing the issues that were causing friction.
It was challenging, and at times, emotionally draining. But it was also liberating.
We started understanding each other better, our communication improved and so did our relationship. Embracing discomfort helped us grow individually and as a couple.
It’s not always easy to face discomfort, but when we do, it can often lead to stronger, healthier relationships.
6) Value virtue
In stoic philosophy, virtue is considered the highest good. Happy couples often embody this by valuing virtues like honesty, integrity, and kindness in their relationships.
They understand that a relationship built on these virtues is strong and enduring.
They strive to be honest with each other, even when the truth is uncomfortable. They uphold their integrity by staying true to their promises and commitments.
They also treat each other with kindness and respect, even in moments of disagreement. Instead of resorting to harsh words or actions, they choose to respond with understanding and empathy.
By valuing virtue, these couples create a relationship that’s not just about mutual love, but also about mutual respect and trust.
This stoic habit contributes significantly to the overall happiness and stability of their relationship.
7) Practice self-awareness
Of all the stoic habits that happy couples swear by, perhaps the most crucial is practicing self-awareness.
It’s about understanding one’s own emotions, reactions, and behaviors, and how they impact the relationship.
Self-aware couples are mindful of their actions and their effects on their partner. They take responsibility for their mistakes, and they’re always ready to learn and grow.
They understand that a relationship involves two individuals, each with their own strengths and weaknesses, and that it’s essential to recognize these within oneself.
This habit leads to personal growth, improved communication, and a deeper understanding of each other.
It’s not just about making the relationship better; it’s about becoming a better individual within that relationship.
Final thoughts: It’s all about growth
The beauty of stoicism lies in its ability to promote personal growth and resilience.
These stoic habits that happy couples swear by are not just about ensuring a harmonious relationship. They’re about fostering personal development, understanding oneself better, and building character.
These stoic habits encourage us to look inward, to be self-aware, and to continually strive for self-improvement.
It’s not always easy. It requires effort, patience, and commitment.
But the rewards – a deeper understanding of oneself and a stronger, happier relationship – are well worth it.
What would Marcus Aurelius say?
Unsure what to do next in your career? Struggling to move on from a failed relationship? Searching for more meaning in life?
Marcus Aurelius can tell you how to face your challenges in a more Stoic way.
Simply ask your question, and Marcus Aurelius will answer.
