Being married isn’t always easy. Sometimes, it feels like climbing a steep, rocky mountain. Every couple has their own challenging moments.
That’s where Stoic teachings can offer real value. These ancient philosophies provide timeless wisdom and practical advice to help us navigate life’s ups and downs.
But incorporating Stoicism into your marriage isn’t about suppressing emotions or becoming indifferent. It’s about understanding and managing them in a healthier way.
In this article, we’ll explore 7 Stoic teachings that every married couple should hear—and psychologists agree!
1) Acceptance is key
Marriage is a blend of beautiful moments and inevitable challenges. And let’s face it, some of these challenges can be tough to swallow.
Enter the Stoic teaching of acceptance.
The Stoics believed that we cannot control everything in our lives, but we can control how we react to it. They encouraged acceptance of what is beyond our control.
In the context of marriage, this means accepting your partner as they are – flaws and all. It means understanding that your spouse won’t always act the way you want them to, and that’s okay.
Acceptance doesn’t mean complacency. It means acknowledging the reality of a situation and choosing to respond in a constructive way.
Psychologists support this approach too. They argue that acceptance can reduce conflict and increase satisfaction in relationships.
So next time you’re faced with a marital challenge, remember the Stoic practice of acceptance. It could be the key to maintaining harmony in your relationship.
2) Living in the present
I’ve been married for over a decade now, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s the importance of living in the present.
Stoicism places a heavy emphasis on this. It teaches us that it’s futile to dwell on the past or anxiously anticipate the future. Instead, we should focus on the here and now.
For example, my wife and I once hit a rough patch where we were both overly focused on our future – planning for kids’ education, retirement plans, potential health issues. The stress was taking a toll on our relationship.
Then we stumbled upon Stoicism. The idea of living in the ‘present’ struck a chord with us. We decided to try it out.
We started by setting aside time each day to simply enjoy each other’s company, without any talk about future plans or past grievances. Just appreciating the moment we were in.
The result? Our relationship improved dramatically. We felt more connected and less stressed.
Psychologists also affirm this Stoic teaching. They say that being present can reduce anxiety, improve emotional health and strengthen relationships.
So take it from me – living in the present can be a game-changer for your marriage.
3) Embrace adversity
Stoicism teaches us that adversity is a part of life, and instead of shying away from it, we should embrace it as an opportunity for growth.
This perspective can be incredibly valuable in a marriage.
It’s not uncommon for couples to encounter various challenges – be it financial issues, health concerns or conflicts of interest. These adversities can put a strain on the relationship.
But here’s the twist: According to a study, couples who face adversity together and overcome it tend to have stronger relationships.
The Stoics believed that every challenge tests our character and makes us stronger.
4) Practice indifference toward externals
One of the fundamental teachings of Stoicism is the concept of focusing on what’s within our control and being indifferent to what’s not.
In marriage, we often worry about external factors – our partner’s behavior, the opinions of in-laws, financial uncertainties, and so on. This constant worry can lead to frustration and conflict.
Stoics teach us to differentiate between what we can and cannot control. They encourage us to invest our energy in improving ourselves and our reactions, rather than trying to control external circumstances.
By applying this Stoic principle, couples can reduce unnecessary stress and maintain a more peaceful relationship.
Instead of getting upset over your partner’s habits or worrying about future uncertainties, focus on how you can respond in a more understanding and patient manner.
As the Stoics would say, it’s not events themselves that disturb us, but our interpretation and reaction to them.
Adopting this mindset can transform your marriage for the better.
5) Cultivate inner tranquility
Stoicism promotes the idea of inner tranquility, a state of mind where we remain calm and composed, regardless of the external circumstances.
And this teaching holds immense value in a marriage context.
Marital life is bound to have its share of highs and lows. There will be moments of joy, but there will also be moments of stress, disagreements, and misunderstandings.
During these challenging times, maintaining inner tranquility can help us respond in a more rational and composed manner.
Stoics believed that tranquility isn’t about eliminating emotions, but about managing them effectively.
They encouraged individuals to cultivate inner peace through practices like meditation, reflection, and conscious decision-making.
By practicing inner tranquility, you can effectively manage conflicts, make rational decisions, and maintain a balanced approach towards your marital life.
6) Love unconditionally
In the realm of Stoicism, there’s a profound teaching about love – it’s about loving unconditionally, without expecting anything in return. It’s about valuing the happiness and well-being of your partner as much as your own.
Marriage is a journey shared by two individuals, and unconditional love is the fuel that keeps this journey going.
It’s about loving your partner in their best moments and their worst, in health and sickness, in joy and sorrow.
Unconditional love isn’t always easy. There will be times when your patience is tested, when you’re hurt or disappointed.
But that’s where the true strength of love comes into play.
In those moments, remember this Stoic teaching. Embrace your love for your partner, not just when it’s easy, but especially when it’s hard.
Because that’s what unconditional love is all about – it’s unwavering, steadfast, and enduring.
Unconditional love forms the bedrock of a strong, healthy marriage.
So let this Stoic teaching guide you through your marital journey, providing a constant reminder of the love that binds you together.
7) The value of humility
Humility is a virtue that the Stoics held in high regard, and it’s one that has profoundly impacted my own marriage.
Early in our relationship, I often let pride get the better of me. I was stubborn, always wanting to be right, which led to many unnecessary arguments.
Then, I discovered Stoicism and its teachings on humility. It made me realize that being right wasn’t as important as being understanding.
It made me see the value in admitting when I was wrong, and in putting my partner’s feelings before my ego.
It wasn’t easy, but over time, this shift in mindset significantly improved our relationship. We argued less and understood each other more.
Humility, as the Stoics would say, is about acknowledging our imperfections, learning from our mistakes, and being open to other perspectives. In a marriage, it can pave the way for mutual understanding and respect.
The Stoic path to marital bliss
The essence of Stoicism lies in its profound simplicity. It teaches us to accept, to adapt, to find contentment within ourselves instead of seeking it elsewhere.
And these teachings hold immense value for married couples.
Imagine a marriage where both partners practice acceptance, focusing on what they can control rather than what they can’t.
A relationship where conflicts are met with calmness and adversity is seen as an opportunity for growth.
Consider the impact of expressing daily gratitude towards your partner, of loving them unconditionally, of cherishing the present moment together.
As Marcus Aurelius, a renowned Stoic philosopher, once said, “The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.”
So let’s endeavor to fill our marital life with thoughts of acceptance, gratitude, and unconditional love.
What would Marcus Aurelius say?
Unsure what to do next in your career? Struggling to move on from a failed relationship? Searching for more meaning in life?
Marcus Aurelius can tell you how to face your challenges in a more Stoic way.
Simply ask your question, and Marcus Aurelius will answer.
