Marcus Aurelius, former Roman Emperor and Stoic philosopher, once wrote, “How great a rest from labour he gains who does not look to what his neighbour says or does or thinks but only what himself is doing” (The Meditations of the Emperor Marcus Antoninus, 1944)
This is all well and good, but how do we do it?…how do we stop giving so much weight to what others think?
It’s a tough habit to break, I know. However, from personal experience, and a lot of reading, I’ve picked up some invaluable insights on how to shake off this worry. Today I share them with you.
These simple changes have shifted my mindset and allowed me to focus on what truly matters – my own peace and happiness. Maybe they can do the same for you.
1) Embracing self-awareness
Not so long ago, I was living for others instead of myself, and the worst part was that I didn’t even know I was doing it.
Reading “Essentialism” by Greg McKeown made me realize this.
While it may not be the main point of the book, his writing encourages much introspection, and it got me thinking about what was really important to me.
His writing also encouraged me not just to define these things but to take action. The quote that stuck with me was, “Remember that if you don’t prioritize your life, someone else will.”
For me, this isn’t just about ignoring or dismissing others’ input. It’s about understanding who I am, what I want, and why I want it. It’s about basing my decisions on my values and aspirations, not on what others might think or say.
Self-awareness isn’t a switch that you can flip overnight. It’s a journey, a continuous process of introspection and growth. But it’s this awareness that empowers you to detach from external influences and focus on your own path.
And let me tell you, this shift has been liberating. By prioritizing self-awareness, I’ve been able to diminish the weight of others’ opinions and foster a stronger sense of self-confidence.
It may seem like a small change, but the impact is truly transformative.
2) Practicing mindfulness
The second step towards mastering the art of detachment, for me, has been the practice of mindfulness.
In this day and age, we are constantly bombarded with opinions and judgments from every direction. It’s easy to get swept up in this tide. But the moment I began to consciously tune in to my thoughts and feelings, things started to change.
Mindfulness is not about tuning out the world or ignoring its noise. Instead, it’s about turning down the volume on external influences and tuning into your inner voice. It’s about observing your thoughts and feelings without judgment.
Practicing mindfulness has allowed me to create a space between myself and the opinions of others. It’s helped me realize that I can acknowledge these external voices without letting them dictate my actions or self-worth.
3) Setting boundaries
Do you ever feel overwhelmed by the demands and expectations of others? How often do you say “yes” when you really want to say “no”?
If you’re like many people, establishing firm boundaries can be a real challenge, yet it’s a critical step in detaching from the weight of others’ opinions.
I used to struggle with setting boundaries myself. I’d say “yes” to every request at work, every social invitation, and every favor asked by friends. It felt like the right thing to do, but over time, I noticed something troubling. I was stretched thin, constantly stressed, and my own needs and priorities were falling by the wayside.
It wasn’t until I stumbled upon Brené Brown’s work that things started to change for me.
In her book “Daring Greatly,” Brown talks about the importance of boundaries and how they are crucial for maintaining a healthy and fulfilling life. She states:
“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.”
This hit home for me. I realized that setting boundaries wasn’t about being selfish; it was about self-care and self-respect. It was about acknowledging my limits and protecting my well-being.
So, how do you start setting boundaries? Here are a few steps that worked for me:
- Identify Your Limits: Know what you can and can’t handle. This involves some introspection to understand your physical, emotional, and mental limits.
- Communicate Clearly: Be direct and honest about your boundaries with others. Use “I” statements to express your needs without blaming or criticizing.
- Stay Consistent: Enforcing boundaries consistently reinforces them. If you let them slide, it sends mixed messages to others and undermines your efforts.
- Be Prepared for Pushback: Not everyone will respect your boundaries right away. Stand firm and remember why you set them in the first place.
By setting and maintaining boundaries, I was able to reclaim my time, energy, and peace of mind. It allowed me to focus on my priorities and reduced the constant stress of trying to meet everyone else’s expectations. This newfound clarity and balance have been transformative, making it easier to detach from external judgments and live according to my own values.
4) Choosing your inner circle wisely
This is a big one. It might not be easy to hear but it’s a big one.
Over time, I’ve realized the importance of surrounding myself with people who uplift me, respect my boundaries, and value me for who I am. Jim Rohn’s famous quote, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with,” rings true in this context. It’s crucial to choose your inner circle wisely.
For me, this has meant distancing myself from those who constantly judge or criticize and, instead, investing in relationships that inspire growth and positivity.
Surrounding myself with like-minded individuals who understand and support my journey towards detachment has been incredibly beneficial. Their respect for my individuality has reinforced my self-confidence and reduced the impact of external opinions.
The bottom line
Detaching from the weight of others’ opinions can significantly enhance your inner peace and self-confidence but it’s easier said than done.
Embracing self-awareness, practicing mindfulness, setting boundaries, and wisely choosing your inner circle have been powerful steps toward this goal for me. Maybe they’ll work for you, too.
It’s not about dismissing others entirely but about prioritizing your own values and well-being over external judgments.
I hope you found these insights helpful. Have you tried any of these methods? How have they worked for you?
Share your experiences in the comments below, and don’t forget to join our newsletter for more tips on personal growth and self-improvement.
Let’s continue this journey together!
Related Stories from The Stoic Mindset
What would Marcus Aurelius say?
Unsure what to do next in your career? Struggling to move on from a failed relationship? Searching for more meaning in life?
Marcus Aurelius can tell you how to face your challenges in a more Stoic way.
Simply ask your question, and Marcus Aurelius will answer.